Featherweight - I feel bad for our son. He will suffer more than anyone over this. I have asked her on several occasions to set up counseling. She can't seem to be bothered by all of this and hasn't done it. We already had a MC we were seeing. We quit going because she was still in contact with the OM. I figured our participation was pointless if that was going on and stopped. All she has to do is call and make an appointment. She can't be bothered to do that and I this point I'm not doing a single thing to bridge the gap at this point. I have lived my life being VERY accommodating to everyone around me, her included. I stopped the other day and proclaimed to her I had stopped. It has only brought me grief and I have no incentive to do it.
Essentially my wife has done nothing other than go to IC to fix our marriage. (That's what she says but she was going before D-day so she is doing it just for her).
The last straw for me was this. I came back from a business trip. (I travel a lot). I was gone 3 days and she spent the evening on facebook in the other room. I complained about it and she played the victim. Last week, guess what happened? I never said a word and went to bed. I got up the next morning only to hear her complaining about her life. I told her I was done. I was done being nice for everyone else.
I told her the other day that keeping up the charade wasn't necessary. I'm not "in love" with her and she isn't "in love" with me. I also told her that I never thought it would be the way it was in the past again. Actually what she did was try to turn herself into the victim so I could comfort her. I saw her playing that card and called her on it. She stopped.
I think anything now will be too little too late. After a year of telling her I will do ANYTHING to save my marriage and her not lifting a finger, I think says it all.
Rebreather, I am in the same camp as you and have told her as much. I told her you put as much time into your activities as you did and you don't have time to read a book, sorry I ain't buying it....
ETA, I just realized what the deal is in one simple statement.
There is something very wrong with my marriage, me reading yet another book isn't going to fix it. I need to accept that.