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User Topic: more tt in wh attempt to show remorse
scangel3
♀ Member
Member # 36164
Default  Posted: 1:06 PM, June 25th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

God dammit! More Fucking TT, it drives me crazy. Since seeing OW at the store the other day, first time I've seen her in public, the flud gates opened up. It was a shock to see her, wh was very supportive and helpful after seeing her, up until that time I was successfully doing the 180, feeling good about it too.

But then we saw her and later that day I got more TT. Finally admitting to everything I already suspected to have happened. I lay awake at night until early morning with mind movie after mind movie just on repeat mixed with all the times he has lied to me. I'm just hurt that it took seeing me devastated seeing her to finally show me some resemblance of remorse and tell me everything.

How do you get past all the TT? How do you heal from that, the actual acts of the A are one thing to heal from and forgive, but the lies and deceit are so much harder to forgive and trust again.

Its been a sad few days for me, barely being able to eat and function just enough to care for my kids. WH's trying to be supportive and comfort me, reassure me. But he still doesn't love me and he still lied to me for almost 3 years after the A ended.
I'm still trying to do the 180, but i'm just so sad and tired that its hard for me to keep it up. I just want to curl into a ball and stay there until this pain goes away!


BS-me 31, WH-31, M'd-10 years
DD 8.5, DS 6, DS 5.5
Dday 03/01/10 (our DD's bday)
A ended 08/31/10-09/02-10 (with multiple ddays in between).TT on 08/2012, 09/04/12, 11/16/2012, 01/2013, 6/25/2013 Says he wants R, but not proving it

Posts: 714 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Portland
MovingUpward
♂ Guide
Member # 14866
Default  Posted: 2:28 PM, June 25th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Your description of your feelings could indicate that you've slipped into depression. Are you seeing an IC to help you sort things out.

Try to eat and drink water. Getting some exercise might also help you out. You are going to have to push yourself to break the funk. We can be cheerleaders for your efforts, but you have to take the steps.


AKA Moo

Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; they’ll scratch you up time and time again but in the end you’re polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.


Posts: 51519 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Big Blue Nation
scangel3
♀ Member
Member # 36164
Default  Posted: 4:36 PM, June 25th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No I'm not in IC, I know I need it but financially can't afford it.

I had severe PPD so I know what depression feels like, I'm not quite there but I know if I keep feeling this way that's where I will be, and I will get help. I have been trying to distract myself with my kids, keeping busy.

Thanks for the support!


BS-me 31, WH-31, M'd-10 years
DD 8.5, DS 6, DS 5.5
Dday 03/01/10 (our DD's bday)
A ended 08/31/10-09/02-10 (with multiple ddays in between).TT on 08/2012, 09/04/12, 11/16/2012, 01/2013, 6/25/2013 Says he wants R, but not proving it

Posts: 714 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Portland
Topic Posts: 3

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