Topic: Xwh died today
Member # 39204
| Posted: 7:39 AM, June 26th (Wednesday), 2013|
3 wonderful children (sometimes!!)
Me. - moving on and upward !!!
Posts: 102 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Texas
|Sad in AZ|
Member # 24239
| Posted: 7:40 AM, June 26th (Wednesday), 2013|
I'm so sorry that you have to deal with this. My thoughts are with you and your children.
I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.
Posts: 20284 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
Member # 34086
| Posted: 7:43 AM, June 26th (Wednesday), 2013|
Sorry for your loss and that of your kids.
Married: 17 years (14 @JFO)
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)
Posts: 4003 | Registered: Dec 2011
Member # 31868
| Posted: 7:49 AM, June 26th (Wednesday), 2013|
SSM, sorry for this loss, and wishing you the strength to guide your children through it.
When you put someone on a pedestal, they quickly learn two things. The view is mighty good from up there, and it is a fine vantage from which to kick.
Posts: 183 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From: Hawaii
Member # 29912
| Posted: 7:53 AM, June 26th (Wednesday), 2013|
Be sure to call the Social Security office today! Do not put this off.... when my xbil died my sister was not advised to call right away... she waited a few days... they don't like that.... for the sake fo your children paperwork takes time and they always advise you to call and notify the SS IMMEDIATELY! You will get benefits within about a month then... I can't remember if you get assistance for a college child or not though.... good luck... when this happened to my family the divorce had been so bitter and family took sides which should never have happened.... and then when he died some blamed my sister- the guy was not mentally stable so it really was not her fault... in the end SHE ended up dealing with all estate matters since the people he had assigned as executor were either too young or not able to cope with the details.... in the end she did that final act of taking care of business for him... and the children.
Posts: 1184 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: still lost
Member # 17460
| Posted: 8:18 AM, June 26th (Wednesday), 2013|
My sympathies, ssm. Prayers for you and children through this difficult time.
Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.
"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
DS - 31 - Yikes!
Posts: 21071 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back
Member # 36134
| Posted: 8:21 AM, June 26th (Wednesday), 2013|
I would expect your feelings to be swinging from one extreme to the next. I think it is wonderful that you can honor those feelings by putting words to them.
I am so glad your kids have you there to support them.. and we are here to support you. Do you have anyone IRL for you to lean on?
I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.
Posts: 5266 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Member # 35985
| Posted: 8:25 AM, June 26th (Wednesday), 2013|
Sending lots of healing thoughts to you and your children. (((SSM)))
Me: Finding my Sunlight
Him: Traitor in my Foxhole
Let go or get dragged.
Posts: 1252 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: a state of consciousness
Member # 27148
| Posted: 8:27 AM, June 26th (Wednesday), 2013|
I am so sorry for your loss.
Don’t get to the end of your life and find that you lived only the length of it; live the width of it as well.
Posts: 2708 | Registered: Jan 2010
Member # 37184
| Posted: 8:29 AM, June 26th (Wednesday), 2013|
I'm sorry and understand how confused your feelings would be. I would feel the exact same. ((())))
Posts: 617 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: new york
Member # 1558
| Posted: 8:37 AM, June 26th (Wednesday), 2013|
I can understand how you're feeling numb -- I think that's a protective reflex so you can process each single emotion. I'm so thankful you have your kids talking to a therapist. Between your xh not taking his summer visitation, his many health problems, and his failing relationship with your daughter, I would imagine each one of you in the family are having many conflicting emotions.
I know you have been sad for him for a long time. He was in a downward spiral that he, at times, seemed to be purposefully accelerating. I think the single most important thing for you to bear in mind right now is that feeling RELIEF is okay. It really is. You have seen what he had chosen to do, and you have seen the many awful consequences of it. But you're free of it, and you don't have an obligation to once again pick up after his mess. Relief, I'd say, is an expected emotion. I'm relieved FOR you.
Sending you and the kids warm hugs. I'm especially worried about your daughter, who it seemed had decided to cut off communication with him. I hope her counselor can help her grieve. It's not your daughter's fault -- she was making an excellent decision for her own well-being and mental health. I'm just afraid she'll bear guilt that isn't hers.
“If you don't like my opinion of you, you can always improve.” ~ Ashleigh Brilliant
"Great love requires determination." ~ tryingtwo
"Don't try to win over the haters, you're not the jackass whisperer." ~ Brene Brown
Posts: 14040 | Registered: Jun 2003 | From: Middle-of-Diddly, TX
Member # 28555
| Posted: 8:52 AM, June 26th (Wednesday), 2013|
"If your ideal image of yourself is in the future, it's going to stay there".
Posts: 1187 | Registered: May 2010 | From: Texas
Member # 31722
| Posted: 2:32 PM, June 26th (Wednesday), 2013|
(((ssm and kids)))
Posts: 1304 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From:
Member # 36784
| Posted: 2:58 PM, June 26th (Wednesday), 2013|
((ssm and kids))
Divorced Jan 2013
"Don't look back, the road is long."
Posts: 209 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: IL
Member # 33440
| Posted: 3:03 PM, June 26th (Wednesday), 2013|
(((SSM and family))) What a hodge podge of emotions, indeed.
Me (BS): 32, Mommy to J: 2 1/2 Divorced: 4/10/13
Sometimes you find yourself in the middle of nowhere, and sometimes, in the middle of nowhere, you find yourself
Posts: 485 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: NY
Member # 38378
| Posted: 4:35 PM, June 26th (Wednesday), 2013|
A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess
Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.
Posts: 2287 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
Member # 38271
| Posted: 4:41 PM, June 26th (Wednesday), 2013|
Wow! I'm sorry!
"The Secret of Change is to focus all your energy - not on fighting the old, but on building the new" ~~Lori Greiner FB post~~
Posts: 507 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Pennsylvania
Member # 38975
| Posted: 4:41 PM, June 26th (Wednesday), 2013|
I am so sorry for you and your children. Even if you weren't currently married to him you were at one time. You will still grieve and you will grieve with your children.
"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it." - Maya Angelou
Posts: 1201 | Registered: Apr 2013
Member # 21791
| Posted: 4:42 PM, June 26th (Wednesday), 2013|
I'm so very sorry. I can only imagine how bittersweet you must feel.
(((SSM & kids)))
Married 21 years
Two sons 21 and 23 in college
Posts: 1462 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Northern Michigan
Member # 38458
| Posted: 5:34 PM, June 26th (Wednesday), 2013|
I'm sorry SSM. My condolences to you and your family.
Me-29 Starting over
ExWH-29 Probable NPD, PA, manchild
3 beautiful young children
DDay 1/20/13 Admits PA
No remorse so NO R. DIVORCED! 9/2013
Posts: 541 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: USA
|Topic Posts: 49|