Many have suggested great advice.
Not knowing your wife but being a mother I would plead with her to return home for the sake of your daughter.
Ask her to put your daughter's safety and security first and come home to address the situation together as a family.
This may or may not work (especially if she is using again) but it is worth a try.
Your wife is in a fog. You have not done anything that justifies her poor choices or betrayal.
Be kind to yourself and keep reading and posting.
We are rooting for you.
[This message edited by 1Faith at 6:16 PM, June 26th (Wednesday)]
I have to try to get some sleep so I don't obsess about the big why and my own imperfections, things I coulda shoulda done better, et. al..
Billy, the big why is all about what's wrong inside your wife. It has nothing to do with your imperfections. She would have have cheated on Jesus if she had married him!
When you start thinking that you should have done abc or been xyz, remember that she's far from perfect, and you didn't cheat on her!
Have you seen a Dr yet? I highly recommend a sleep aid/anti depressant. It will come in mighty handy. Also please be sure to at least stay hydrated. The infidelity diet helped me lose about 40 lbs overall. Please at least try to eat.
The WS playbook, chapter 1 says to sit on the fence, eat cake and string people along as long as possible. Make sure she understands that if she tries that crap she stands to lose everything. Start pulling away. Cut the strings. Sour the cake and tear down the fence.
Sorry for what you're going through, especially with your daughter. I'm sure it is very scary.
Anyway, it's 10:30 am California time and she hasn't called me. I'm not going to call her. Thinking about getting a shower and getting out of the house, going to get some sleep medicine and to the bank to start another checking account and transfer some funds so I can cancel her debit card if I need to, although she will say if that happens that I cut off my daughter and MADE them have to stay out there, but I can't be expected to finance her partying and cheating. I did reach out to her mom this morning to see if we can verify through family that my daughter is okay. It looks like she's currently at my wife's Aunt's house. 1,800 miles away from me.
I'd stop answering her calls. Make her "connect" with you in a way to have a paper trail. You are probably going to need it.
"Affairs are not mistakes, they are a series of deliberate choices." - CrappyLife
So why are you not on a plane getting her back???????
Nothing says "I love my daughter" more than Dad coming to take me home.
D-Day, June 10, 2012
My wife is playing games by communicating by proxy with me through a friend's facebook IM's, so I figured that out and sent this IM to "her friend" this morning:
"Good morning, XXXXX, lol. XXXXX called me last night, just to let you know, please don't tell her I told you, but at this point honestly I feel like she's just stringing me along for as long as possible, eating cake, sitting on the fence. WHATEVER. I'm her husband, not a 'plan B' or some backup contingency, I'm not a fallback option if XXXXXXX's sloppy seconds don't pan out, know what I mean? She's confused, she says. Well, here on the one hand there's me, a guy who loves her and loves her daughter and adopted her and represents a stable home and good future, and on the other hand, some negative, backstabbing loser druggies and repeat offender scumbags. (Present company excluded). What's to be confused about? Does that make sense? So I'm going to go hang out with a buddy of mine and then have dinner with my dad and tomorrow I'm going to a bachelor's party and Saturday to a wedding. I probably will pass if they ask me to make a toast to the happy couple about the joys of marital bliss, though. ;-> Then I need to go down to see my 95 year old grandma who has taken a turn for the worse and didn't even recognize her doctor when he came in to visit her yesterday in the nursing home, and then to my mom's for a couple of days. Life goes on, with or without her."
Some of you will recognize your own words in that, and I apologize for the plagiarism, but appreciate the inspiration.
The effect that it had is that my wife called me and left a voice mail saying that she was calling to check on me and tell me that she loved me (twice)and that "her head was getting better", BUT that she was going to have to take her car (in my name, I bought it, but whatever) to the dealership to have the computer reset tomorrow, but that it is running fine.
She also asked me to call her back.
I don't feel like I should, right now. Should I let her squirm and sweat it out some, wondering if she's losing her window of opportunity?
I did get confirmation from her mom that my daughter is at her Aunt's house and safe, for now, but getting all twisted up by this.