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Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Girls Night.
LifeReDefined01
♀ New Member
Member # 39656
Default  Posted: 9:37 AM, June 26th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My friend and I made plans for us and our kids to have a sleep over at her house before I found out about the A.

For those that are aware, my husband cheated on me when I was staying at my mother's house for the night with the kids.

I'm terrified and not feeling very confident right now. I'm only five days out. Is it ridiculous to feel this paranoid? It was a one night stand, but all the same, trust = zero right now. He's back to level one. But what do I do? Stay home? Go out and be a frazzled ball of nerves for 24 hours??

[This message edited by LifeReDefined01 at 9:50 AM, June 26th (Wednesday)]


Me: BS 30
Him: WS 32
M: 8 years, together 13
Children: DS4, DD2
Dday: 6/21/13, ONS
Status: Working on it.

Posts: 12 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: United States
LifeReDefined01
♀ New Member
Member # 39656
Default  Posted: 10:32 AM, June 26th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

After I point blank told him I didn't trust him to his own devices, but didn't want to cancel my plans, he actually came up with a solution that will work. He's going to spend the night at his dad's house. It feels ridiculous to have to take such measures, but I think it'll go a long way in saving my sanity while I'm out.


Me: BS 30
Him: WS 32
M: 8 years, together 13
Children: DS4, DD2
Dday: 6/21/13, ONS
Status: Working on it.

Posts: 12 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: United States
nolight
♀ Member
Member # 32785
Default  Posted: 10:40 AM, June 26th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey life defined its ok to feel like you need more time now and no, I don't think you should go if you will be frazzled. You need to do whatever it takes to make yourself feel right with the world.

Posts: 516 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Hawaii
1Faith
♀ Member
Member # 38975
Revenge  Posted: 2:13 PM, June 26th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You are completely normal. I hated traveling for business, or even going to my sister's after I found out. I would have panic attacks because the mind is really good at spinning scenarios.

You are so very new to the news. You are going to question everything including yourself. Give yourself some time. You need time to process that you've been cheated on and hurt by the person you thought would be the least likely to do this to you.

You are not being ridiculous at all. Do whatever it is that you need to feel safe. If that means cancelling the trip, then so be it. If that means having your husband check in with you every hour, so be it. You get to define what you need going forward.

ONS or LTA - either way it was cheating. You have to deal with the reality of his horrible choice and look at how you will begin to heal.

Good luck. You can and will make it to the other side.

(((hugs)))


"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it." - Maya Angelou

Posts: 1187 | Registered: Apr 2013
LifeReDefined01
♀ New Member
Member # 39656
Default  Posted: 6:56 PM, June 26th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He actually had the gall to tell me that he was annoyed that he had to stay at his dad's. That he didn't want to have to explain himself if his dad starts to dig. That he just wants to stay home and work.
He told me that 'how can we build trust, ever, if you simply can't trust me'. Yet, 'I understand what got us here, so I'm going to go over there; I just don't like going over for the purpose of being babysat.' Tough nuggets.
I almost cancelled my trip. Almost disappointed my friend who is excitedly looking forward to having us over for a visit. Then I told him that he can be as uncomfortable as he likes. I don't trust him. The fact that he is trying to make me feel guilty right now, or angry, or whatever, is tripping alarms as well. I'm not the one who did this. I am a good person. He's the one who made his bed, now he can lie in it.


Me: BS 30
Him: WS 32
M: 8 years, together 13
Children: DS4, DD2
Dday: 6/21/13, ONS
Status: Working on it.

Posts: 12 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: United States
Topic Posts: 5

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