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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: 9 months out and contacted BH!
Knowing
♀ Member
Member # 37044
Default  Posted: 2:41 PM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you, guys, I was thinking the worst. You've allayed my fears. What would I do without you?!


Me: BW, Him: fWH
Together 12 years
My EA (?) 2005-2011
His STA/PA: D-day: 19/09/12
TT: 08/12/12

We are in R.


Posts: 698 | Registered: Oct 2012
Conflicted1
♀ Member
Member # 39019
Default  Posted: 2:51 PM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Knowing. I keep watching for updates. I know when I was contacted by OW husband I was thankful and we felt kindred in a way since we were both deceived. Also thankfully realized beyond one or two exchanges that was enough to let us both move onto our own paths of healing and dealing w our spouses brokenness on our own.


Honesty is a very expensive gift. Don't expect it from cheap people.

Posts: 101 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Me=BW 45
JustWow
♀ Member
Member # 19636
Default  Posted: 7:06 PM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

this might not be his WW's first time around the block. Might not be as devastating if she is a repeat offender. FWH's BH knew of at least 4 other A's his WW had. The one she had with my FWH was the straw that broke the camel's back , so to speak and he divorced her. Subpeonaed my H as a witness, too..... that's another story

[This message edited by JustWow at 7:07 PM, June 27th (Thursday)]


BW - Reconciling

edited for typos (I always have to!)


Posts: 3629 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Midwest
brkn_heartd
♀ Member
Member # 30396
Default  Posted: 9:55 PM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You did the right thing. Hang in there. Just stay calm when you do speak to him. He has a right to know about it too.


Me-51 BS
Him 58-WS
Married 31 yrs, together 34
Affair Aug-Dec 09
official D-12/14/09
broke NC 1/31/10
second D 3/19/10

Posts: 1646 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Northwesten US
Knowing
♀ Member
Member # 37044
Default  Posted: 7:42 AM, June 28th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tried calling the BH at 8:30 am (my time) which would be the afternoon, his time. No answer, so I bravely left my name and number on his voicemail.

I am out-of-town with my family for the holiday weekend so it's difficult for me to find a moment alone.

When I thought about making this call I wanted someone to be there with me. My nerves are not what they used to be, before the miscarriages and the A. I have terrible anxiety attacks now. When I thought about who I'd want to hold my hand, I thought of my fWH. This being a "trust but verify" situation, I can't do that. It's nice to think that I now consider my fWH my biggest ally.


Me: BW, Him: fWH
Together 12 years
My EA (?) 2005-2011
His STA/PA: D-day: 19/09/12
TT: 08/12/12

We are in R.


Posts: 698 | Registered: Oct 2012
RockyMtn
♀ Member
Member # 37043
Default  Posted: 4:21 PM, June 29th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((knowing)) You've got this. Can someone else hold your hand?


Me, BS, 30s
Him, WS, 30s, Steppenwolf
Kids: Yep
D-Day 1: September 2011, 6 week EA
D-Day 2: January 2013, discovered EA was a PA; there was another PA in 2010. All TT.
Goal = serenity.

Posts: 667 | Registered: Oct 2012
Knowing
♀ Member
Member # 37044
Happy  Posted: 4:27 PM, June 29th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nope, right now it's just you guys.

I'm travelling with my family right now, so I'm far away from my support network... But I'm feeling much better about this (eventual) conversation. I am less nervous. I've gone from fearing that its some sort of a trap to thinking maybe he's grateful that someone's willing to be honest with him.

I'll be home Tuesday evening, so that's the earliest possibility. I tried calling yesterday morning but the time difference is making it hard to connect.


Me: BW, Him: fWH
Together 12 years
My EA (?) 2005-2011
His STA/PA: D-day: 19/09/12
TT: 08/12/12

We are in R.


Posts: 698 | Registered: Oct 2012
Ladyogilvy
♀ Member
Member # 31558
Default  Posted: 4:46 PM, June 29th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good luck and keep posting. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you that it goes well and is empowering for both of you. Regardless, you have done the right thing and should be proud of it.


Me: BW a youthful 49
Him: alcoholic, sober now, WH 56
Married 19 years
Two sons, 16 & 17 years old
DD? He's still keeping secrets and only admits to what I have indisputable
evidence of... the $2000 earrings he bought her for x-mas.

Posts: 1536 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: California
Knowing
♀ Member
Member # 37044
Default  Posted: 9:15 AM, July 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Finally spoke to him on the phone today! It was very difficult to connect with the OBH because he is travelling for work constantly, different time zones, etc...

He was aware of the A, but not anywhere near the extent that I was. He became aware of the A last fall around the same time I did. They have rugswept it, with a "move on" attitude. He informed me there is no OC and they have not followed through on her plans to purchase a property in the city in which we live. "Not now" he said, as in not in the light of the A.

He seemed eager to just put it behind him, for the sake of his marriage and his child.


Me: BW, Him: fWH
Together 12 years
My EA (?) 2005-2011
His STA/PA: D-day: 19/09/12
TT: 08/12/12

We are in R.


Posts: 698 | Registered: Oct 2012
karmahappens
♀ Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 9:24 AM, July 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the update....

I am sure he will be a BS again.

You can't ignore this crap...for the sake of anyone!

Good job on your part.


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3845 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
Rebreather
♀ Member
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 9:27 AM, July 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You did the right thing. And I agree with Karma. We've all seen how effective the rug sweeping strategy is. I bet it is going to eat him alive. *sigh*


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6549 | Registered: Jan 2011
Jospehine85
♀ Member
Member # 35971
Default  Posted: 9:33 AM, July 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am sure you are quite relieved knowing there is no OC and that MOW won't be moving to your town any time soon.

(((Knowing)))


Me - BS 40s
WH - 50s
4 Kids
Dday May 2012

Posts: 893 | Registered: Jun 2012
Knowing
♀ Member
Member # 37044
Default  Posted: 10:11 AM, July 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am very relieved to know there is no OC, the last time they had sex she said the timing was questionable. Glad to hear they didn't buy a house here last fall (she was looking).

Being a bleeding heart raised by hippies, I had to bite my tongue. I had a moment where I wanted to tell him about real R, SI, about how his wife just wants to replace him... But I didn't feel it was right. He didn't seem to want or have much to say to me. I had several questions ready for him, some of which I forgot because I was in the garden and didn't have my list with me. I did manage to remember the important ones.


Me: BW, Him: fWH
Together 12 years
My EA (?) 2005-2011
His STA/PA: D-day: 19/09/12
TT: 08/12/12

We are in R.


Posts: 698 | Registered: Oct 2012
bionicgal
♀ Member
Member # 39803
Default  Posted: 3:19 PM, July 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good for you.

I met with AP's BH (he knew) and it was very healing, although sad because he was a friend. We didn't compare notes so much as talk about how we were doing, how to deal with kids, etc.


me - BS (40s)
DDay - June 2013, A was 2+ months, EA then PA
In MC & Reconciling
An affair is a personal crisis, not a relationship.

I edit, therefore I am.


Posts: 2058 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
Topic Posts: 34
Pages: 1 · 2

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