My son has an issue with drugs. Huge pot smoker. Got into trouble about 5 years ago….was arrested and on probation for the last 5 years.
About 1.5 years ago he got into an accident, DUI. Broken bones in his back, slight brain bleed….very frightening.
Back to court.
All of this has been wearing on me/us for the last 5 years. He works, gets fired, quits, has no money, doesn't pay his bills…really lousy, unacceptable behavior.
We finally threw him out in February. It was the hardest thing we have ever done, and it was long over-due.
He has burned all of his bridges, no longer has friends to take him in so he sleeps in his car or at his girlfriends when they are getting along.
Fast forward, girlfriend now pregnant and court has been looming over his head. He had to pay up or go to jail.
My husband and I have held firm. He gets nothing from us. Emotional support if he ever wanted it and a meal if he is hungry, but no money.
So he goes to court today. He has a new job, has money for court and has a little glimmer of hope in him. It's a small step…a tiny step, but I will take it.
I have been overwhelmed lately with all of his bad decisions. I worry I will have the cops at my house telling me he dead…it's my biggest fear.
He and his girlfriend have come to a comfortable place with the baby coming, maybe he has accepted it or something has clicked….I don't know, but for now, I will take it.They have picked out a name and he is actually talking about her (it’s a girl) in a loving way.
I will still worry and watch for actions, not words. Tonight however, I will sleep well. Maybe, just maybe there is a man inside ready to step up.
I pray he is on the edge of finding his way.
I wanted to thank everyone for their support during this lousy time. As much as we know we are doing "what's right" for him, it has been the most difficult time in our parenting lives.
And a special Thank You to AN. Your shoulder, support, BTDT have been a great comfort for me over the last few months.
ETA: And of course, we have to be in court today when the police bring Hernandez in....what a cluster f***.....CNN, Fox News, you name it....all over the place. It made me sad to know this million dollar football player is a year YOUNGER than my son....his parents have to be heart-broken. UGH
[This message edited by karmahappens at 10:20 PM, June 26th (Wednesday)]
“The most difficult times for many of us are the ones we give ourselves.”
― Pema Chödrön
multiple A's, 2 LTA's,multiple indescretions...before and throughout our marriage
I'm so happy to read a positive update. Glimmers of hope keep us going. We will always see the light in our sons because we know it's inside them somewhere.
My brother recently sent me a picture of my DS with my 5 year old niece playing the guitar side by side. I enlarged it and framed it because I see so much love and hope in it.
Hugs to you and lots of prayers for your son.
I really wish 'we' (not sure who 'we' is) could get a handle on this drug problem for our young people (seems to be mostly boys). My heart breaks for all of the families affected by this terrible problem. I don't think it's going away any time soon.
I'm happy to hear there's a glimmer of hope. I sincerely hope that all of this will wake him up and straighten out his act. Maybe his baby girl will be that catalyst.
Sending you tons of (((HUGS))) and positive thoughts.
D-Day June 12th 2008, D-Day #2 Sept 28th
D-Day #3 Feb 15th & 16th 2010, D-Day #4 Nov 29th 2010
AN, I agree with you. I see so many young men that are not in a position to take on the role of adulthood and using substances seem to be a common thread. Something is going to have to give. I pray that our kids continue on the right path and make lives they can be proud of and happy to live.
Rollercoaster, I know the pain and fears along with the "tough love". As much as they are our babies we need to let them become their own men/adults. I will keep your son in my prayers and hope he continues to make strides with his recovery.
We all deserve to watch our kids become healthy, well adjusted adults.
YAY for baby steps
How did it go in court? How's DS doing?
(Not sure if I missed that update, I've been busy with family stuff)
AN, court was actually the best it has ever been. He went in owing 3600$. He managed to save 800$ and prayed they wouldn’t throw his a$$ in jail. The 3600 is 1200 for remaining restitution for the DUI (his friend sued him) and the other 2400 is remaining court fees/probation fees.
So they accepted the 800 and told him if he pays the additional 400 it will complete his restitution and they will waive any remaining court fees…
YAHOOO. I was thrilled. He was relieved. It is actually the 1st piece of good news he has gotten through this whole ordeal.
So he is still working, he and his gf are getting along well and he is taking baby steps.
I will still hold my breathe, but I have a glimmer of hope AN, I know he is still in there, I just pray he continues to find himself.
Thanks for asking :)
I'm so glad for your son and for you. It sounds like a step forward, and a step should not to be minimized by how big or little it is - forward is forward.
Just wanted to let you know that I get what you're saying, have been there in somewhat the same fashion with oldest DS. He is doing so well right now, but the worries and fear never go away for me, although I have gotten so much better at dealing with it for now.
He seems to have begun to scratch the surface, I pray he can dig deep. It's in there, I know it is.
Thanks everyone. Going through this with him is difficult when your "support" system has a messed-up definition of support. We are working on detaching and setting up a strong circle for DS, his girlfriend and this baby who will be blessing our lives.
And when is this little blessing due?
The validation he received from the judge was huge IMO. Someone other than his parents said "you can do this".
He has 2 months left of this probation...after 5 years it will be a welcome relief! He needed to hear "you done good" and I think it made him a bit proud of himself.
Our little baby girl is due October 28th. This might not be the right time or the best circumstances, but she is already so loved. I just smile when I picture what she will look like.
Thank you for the support. I appreciate your kind words.