My H's birthday is this weekend and we are both excited about traveling down to the coast for a relaxing weekend alone.
Things have been going so well for us lately and I'm starting to really believe that this new marriage we are building is here to stay!
The growth my H has shown in the last 6 months especially, has been nothing short of incredible!
I have spent decades hoping this day would come. Now that its here, it is exceeding my hopes and dreams.
I feel like I have accepted his A. If I sit and really think about it of course it still hurts but I have accepted it happened. Triggers are just little reminders now that I can acknowledge and move past quite quickly. We both acknowledge each others triggers when we identify them with a loving look, a gentle hug or hand squeeze. I feel my H is remorseful and trying beyond expectations to help me heal.
I can see all the work he is doing in IC. I can see how he is letting his walls down and being more open with me. He's becoming a better father to our children. For the first time in our relationship we can say we are best friends. I can talk to him about anything I am feeling and he responds with genuine interest and concern. He offers me support and comfort. Thankfully this response has replaced the defensiveness and blame shifting.
I do still think about the OW occasionally. The anger is not there anymore. I did get an apology from her a few months after my final D'day. She has left us alone since so I am feeling that her apology was genuine. It shouldn't matter but I think it has helped.
I don't know if we would have ever worked so hard on our M if it hadn't have been for his A. I wish we had of done the work before it got to the point it did but this is our path and that's ok. We will strive in spite of that.
My H is very disappointed in himself for the choices he made. He told me he misses the days where I could honestly say that I never had any fear of him ever cheating. He said he wishes he never destroyed that blind trust. He's still working through his guilt in IC. I find it odd that the one who chose the A is finding it harder to accept his choices. I respect his feelings though and I will support him in his healing too. I know I am getting better because of the work I am doing for me but a big part has also been how my H is also helping me.
I am at a point now where I am starting to feel real joy again. I know our marriage is special to us both. I know that OW could not come close to breaking what we have (even when it was bad). We are just too connected. Our bond and our love is too strong. We both have learnt this in our healing.
If you're having a hard time please know that there are brighter days ahead. If the WS is truly remorseful and the BS is feeling validated and respected in the process of R then anything is possible.
I never thought I could be this happy again after having had my heart broken into so many tiny pieces. I thought I would have to learn to live with the pain but thankfully I was so wrong
My only dilemma now is what to get H for his birthday! I'm fast running out of time and nothing I can think of seems good enough!
Anyway, I just wanted to share a positive update to help balance out the pain we all share. Best wishes to you all.