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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: He is moving..........
Shock-n-awe
♀ Member
Member # 34869
Frustrated  Posted: 1:34 PM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It has been awhile since I have been on. I have been handling this all very well, then he calls last night. He informs me that he has accepted a new position in California. The thing is we live in Illinois. We have a 3 and 5 year old. We have only been divorced 6 months and now he is going to move across the country and leave his kids, I am so frustrated.


BW 35
WH 33
2kids (DD 5 DS 3)
Married 6 years Together for 10
Filed for divorce

Posts: 266 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
doggiemom12
Member
Member # 36041
Default  Posted: 4:11 PM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hang on to yourself.

This might be a good thing. You will get a clean break and you can all move on. Maybe it is better it happens now then when they are older and more attached.

Deep breaths.


White bird must fly or she will die . . .

Posts: 268 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: in divorce land
Williesmom
♀ Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 4:19 PM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ditto doggiemom. Also, if he's getting more money and less time with the kids, I see a huge increase in support payments to you.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7558 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
Dark Inertia
Member
Member # 30727
Default  Posted: 4:55 PM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

uhh, he does realize the possibility of his child support increasing with an increase of income? Did he discuss this decision with you?

[This message edited by Dark Inertia at 4:57 PM, June 27th (Thursday)]


"If I listened earlier, I wouldn't be here. But that's just the trouble with me. I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it."

Posts: 1231 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: The Ohio
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 4:59 PM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What is your support network like? Do you have local family? Close "mom friends"? Someone who can help with kid care when you need it?

If not, how tied are you to your current location? Would you consider a move yourself, to be closer to family or a BFF or someone who can help out when you need an evening off, or have a sick kid and need someone to watch the other, etc.?


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13690 | Registered: Jul 2011
peridot
♀ Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 5:19 PM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Had he made any mention of even looking for a job out of state? I guess if he's just going to walk out of the kids lives, it's a good thing he's doing it now instead of when they get older. If he's making more money and spending no time with the kids then I would see about a modification to the CS. It'll help you if you can get more money since he isn't going to ever see them.


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4751 | Registered: Feb 2008
Reality
♀ Member
Member # 39077
Default  Posted: 5:49 PM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Shock, everyone was spot on. If he moves, you have basically all the parenting time. That means an increase in CS alone. If his pay also goes up, there's another increase.

Also, yep, having a fresh start all around can be liberating. This may mean more space and resources for you.


Posts: 292 | Registered: Apr 2013
lostmommy
♀ Member
Member # 33440
Default  Posted: 6:02 PM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hope his move brings you some peace. I'll echo the others and say that it could be a blessing in disguise. Better he walks away now than when they're older. (((hugs))) It won't be easy for you. I hope you have a good support system at home. If not, maybe it's time for a fresh start for you as well.


Me (BS): 32, Mommy to J: 2 1/2 Divorced: 4/10/13
Sometimes you find yourself in the middle of nowhere, and sometimes, in the middle of nowhere, you find yourself

Posts: 485 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: NY
Mommato4
♀ Member
Member # 15906
Default  Posted: 7:10 PM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Shock)))I'm sorry. I do agree with the others saying that it may be easier for the kids to adjust.

I have the same situation except I moved far away back to my home state in Washington with the kids to be around help. He stayed because of his job which is the reason we moved out there to begin with.

I divorced in Illinois in 2008. I don't think it's changed since then, but they take the net income of the non custodial parent to how many kids are involved. She has 2 so it's 28% of his net income. They don't consider what parent has time with kids. If his income is more, then yes it would increase. Time is not a factor.

My youngest two were 1 and 6 when we moved. The youngest really doesn't have memories of Dad, but XH sees them when he can, they visit in the summer, call, Skype, text, use the Xbox kinect video thingy. They have been pretty ok with it. It's been 5 years.

[This message edited by Mommato4 at 7:20 PM, June 27th (Thursday)]


Updated 2014:
BS-me 41
XH-doesn't matter
4 kids
Divorced-7/25/08

SO-5 years together-he decided to end it by cheating too


Posts: 1377 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: PNW country
Shock-n-awe
♀ Member
Member # 34869
Default  Posted: 8:18 AM, June 28th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Did he discuss this decision with you?

He did discuss this with me. I made it clear that I was not on board with it. No matter what happened between him and I, I want him here to spend tie with his kids.

What is your support network like? Do you have local family? Close "mom friends"? Someone who can help with kid care when you need it?

I do have friends and family who are willing to help me out. I have already spoke to my parents and a few family members they all agreed to help me when I need it. I know that I will need it. I love my children, but sometimes I need time to do something for myself!

She has 2 so it's 28% of his net income. They don't consider what parent has time with kids. If his income is more, then yes it would increase. Time is not a factor.

This is correct the state does not care about time spent. I receive 28% no matter what. Part of his decision to move is the position he accepted was a significant increase in pay so yes my support will increase. My son is so young he just goes with the flow, but my daughter is very attached to her father. I am worried about her and how this will effect her.

I have thought about it and I think it will be better and easier for me to move forward especially since 3 months after we divorced he begged me to take him back. I am just worried about my kids have abandonment and resentment issues.


BW 35
WH 33
2kids (DD 5 DS 3)
Married 6 years Together for 10
Filed for divorce

Posts: 266 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
Topic Posts: 10

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