Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: adamsr (45456)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Question to the experienced members
livebythesea
♀ Member
Member # 38900
Default  Posted: 2:26 PM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am in such a terrible state of mind right now, it's like I so desperately need advice, a hug, a shoulder. Do you members who have experienced this hell and back, and now you are in a position to give sound advice, do you think that I am being paranoia? Is it all in my mind, is it not possible, that he may be telling me the truth? Or is it obvious to you that he is still lying. Help me ...


HIM - 56(looks older by the day)
his time has come
ME - 56 (heart aged lately)
DD1 April 5 2013 (told me a lie)
DD2 April 23 2013
DD3 June 22 2013
3 children
1 grand child

Posts: 196 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Near the ocean ... Canada
lieshurt
♀ Member
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 2:33 PM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Or is it obvious to you that he is still lying.

^^^This.

An honest,remorseful man would be doing everything in his power to prove to you that he was telling you the truth. Refusing to take the polygraph just shows you his true colors.

((hugs)) You will get through this. Never doubt that.


Walk away from anything or anyone who takes away your joy. Life is too short to put up with fools.

Posts: 13818 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
gonnabe2016
♀ Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 2:38 PM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't think that you are being paranoid.
I do think that he is still lying to you.

Your situation is not going to resolve itself in an hour. It is going to unfold.
Just take it one moment at a time.

Breathe. Focus. Process. Think.


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8112 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
painpaingoaway
♀ Member
Member # 27196
Default  Posted: 2:42 PM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sweetie, let me tell you something. Do you know why all WS's lie, and deny, and TT, or refuse to talk at all? Because they are afraid. They are afraid to lose everything. They are afraid to lose us, or their lifestyle. Or their possessions, or their children, or their social status or whatever. Bottom line. They are AFRAID.

So, once you let them know that you WILL divorce them if they do not do XYZ, then, they, out of sheer desperation, will finally do what you ask. But, not until then. And, you can not bluff. You HAVE to mean it.

Start looking for lawyers and leave their business cards laying around so he sees them.


me BS female 56/him WS 59
Married 33 years
D-day July 09/he gave me his slut's STD
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk

Posts: 7113 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Coastal South
JanaGreen
♀ Member
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 2:45 PM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So, once you let them know that you WILL divorce them if they do not do XYZ, then, they, out of sheer desperation, will finally do what you ask. But, not until then. And, you can not bluff. You HAVE to mean it.

This is absolutely true, I'm sorry. I wish there were another way.

((HUGS))


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.

Posts: 6835 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
solus sto
♀ Member
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 2:51 PM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If there is one thing I wish I had truly believed, when told early on: TRUST YOUR GUT.

No, you're not being paranoid.

The mind, actually, works in quite the opposite way.

We go to ridiculous lengths to convince ourselves to believe the people we love, even when we have ample evidence that we should not. We are willing to assign labels to ourselves, to call ourselves paranoid and insane, because it is somehow easier than believing that the people we love might lie to us or betray us.

This is where you now are.


BS-me, 52
WH (Trac-fone), 53, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
multiple d-days
DIVORCING
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 8888 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
JustWow
♀ Member
Member # 19636
Default  Posted: 2:54 PM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He won't take a poly. He won't tell the truth. He doesn't give a rip if you trust him, he wants to use you.

The M he is offering you to move forward with is one that he has nuked and he wants to act like the problem is that you WANT the truth. The PROBLEM is the truth he continues to hide.

Get mad, honey. Find your angry self. What he's offering to move forward with is soooooooooooooo much less than you, or anyone, deserves.


BW - Reconciling

edited for typos (I always have to!)


Posts: 3637 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Midwest
residencywife93
♀ New Member
Member # 39695
Default  Posted: 3:06 PM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm not experienced, but I just want to offer support. I'm sorry you are going through this. I've learned a rough lesson about trusting your gut- it's never, ever, wrong.


Me: BS 27
Him: WH 27
Married 9/3/11
Together since 10/2006
DDay 5/28/13
Filed 7/22/13

Lacing up my nikes and running west!


Posts: 36 | Registered: Jun 2013
painpaingoaway
♀ Member
Member # 27196
Default  Posted: 3:10 PM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Get mad, honey. Find your angry self.
yep, and at will scare the shit out of him, which is what he needs.

I raged at FWH for 2 solid weeks. Got as much info as I could before becoming so exhausted that I went silent. Radio silent. Then saw lawyers. Then I moved out....

THEN.......he 'got it'.


me BS female 56/him WS 59
Married 33 years
D-day July 09/he gave me his slut's STD
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk

Posts: 7113 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Coastal South
wert
♂ Member
Member # 34478
Default  Posted: 3:28 PM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am really sorry you are going through this. It is brutal.

I got really angry at first. It shell shocked my W. Then I got stone cold quiet. That was much worst.

If you really want advice this is what I would do:

Go out tonight by yourself. Find a nice restaurant a book and maybe take in a show if you like. Treat yourself and really try hard to forget about him and his current stupidity.

Tomorrow morning search the internet for a list of D lawyers in your area. Call a few and setup some appointments. Talk to them and explain your situation and ask what information they would need from you to proceed with D.

Quietly start gathering information about accounts. Find out where you stand if you leave. If you don't know how find someone you trust (not your H) and have them help.

Then get a calendar out for the next month. Fill it up with things you want to do and things you need to do. Exclude your H as much as possible. Plan you life for you.

If you H talks to you just explain to him that you don't trust him and that you need some time to process. It's a lot to take in after all.

Go live for the next month. Just live and have fun. Don't think about tomorrow or next week. I mean be reasonable and don't take life threatening changes, but do your thing. If you don't know what that is try new stuff. Yoga, running, a new sport, hiking. Get out there.

Every time you think of him and start to work say this to yourself. Fuck him for now. I need space.

Use it to build a new you. If he is still around after a month or so perhaps he will be ready to talk, perhaps not.

take care...



Posts: 1436 | Registered: Jan 2012
I think I can
♀ Member
Member # 17756
Default  Posted: 3:40 PM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Trust yourself. Your emotions are normal, natural, and understandable--you have just discovered that your life is a completely different one than the life you thought you were leading.

((livebythesea))

And yeah, he's lying his butt off. There's more. I've been here nearly 6 years and read 10,000 stories in that time. Real people here, first hand stories. Brace yourself, honey, there is more.


I'm not the winner, I'm the prize.

Posts: 8835 | Registered: Jan 2008
OldCow18
♀ Member
Member # 39670
Default  Posted: 4:38 PM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm also not experienced, but I have to agree with the trust you gut thing. My gut told me something was wrong long before I found out he was cheating. I wish I listened to it earlier. Hugs.


Me, BW forty something, DD & DS,
Married to WH (49) 11 years, together 16
D-Day 6.8.13

Posts: 620 | Registered: Jun 2013
seekingclarity
♀ New Member
Member # 39676
Default  Posted: 5:51 PM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am not experienced on this site, but I am experienced with cheaters and liars. Always trust yourself. My WS is a chronic (read: pathological) liar, but was always able to convince me that I didn't know what I was talking about, that up was down and right was left. All the while my instincts were almost screaming that what I believed to be true was true. Your subconscious is picking up the energy that your H is giving off. Trust yourself, trust your instincts. You are wiser and more powerful than you realize.


Me: BS (50's, but No One Would Know)
Him: STBWXH - PA/CA/NPD Serial Cheater (50's going on 12)
D-Day: Every Day?
4 Outstanding Offspring

Tragedy in life normally comes with betrayal and compromise . . .


Posts: 12 | Registered: Jun 2013
Topic Posts: 13

Return to Forum: Just Found Out Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.