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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Scared
anv5
♀ Member
Member # 39217
Question  Posted: 3:47 PM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Have any of you found a new way to check on your ws but been terrified to do it?
I have a possible way to verify some information and a part of me (of course) wants to tonight & the other part of me is absolutely terrified. What if I find out he lied about how much and how far things went? What if he is still contacting? I don't know if I can face it if he is still doing stuff & I'm not sure how to handle if he's "clean" now but lied to me about who, what etc.
I feel I need to "trust but verify" given everything that has happened but I don't trust therefore I'm afraid of verify

Any words of wisdom appreciated!!


BS(me)30
WH 29
1 Child
Married 11 yrs
D-Day: 4/9/13 he cheated in '08 & now + trickle truth & tons of lies 6/27 Found more, swears I really do have the whole truth now.
2/2/14 found out more...it seems the TT never ends.
Trying to R

Posts: 71 | Registered: May 2013
sri624
♀ Member
Member # 33956
Default  Posted: 4:04 PM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

trust your gut and not your heart. check on the information. you will drive yourself crazy not knowing. and you deserve to know the truth. i hacked into my husband's email account because my gut told me that there was more to the story as well. i was scared just like you. but i overcame that fear and did it anyway. i knew i was going to find something and did. i dont regret not doing it, because now i know the truth about him.

you can never really count on a cheating spouse to give you the truth on their own. they only usually come clean once you have the evidence that cant be disputed.

i wouldnt say a word to your husband until you have done your investigative work and have all of your ducks in a row. then show him what you have.

in my case, what i found were dirty pictures that the ow sent to him. and another one of him and her on the beach...all cuddled up and kissing. i sent them to him at work attached to an email that read..."look what i found."


BS (41):(Former Doormat)
WS (39):(Busted Cheater)
Married: 10 years, 3 kids under 5
DD1: 10/11 PA/EA with pilates instructor/former stripper.
DD2: 10/12 False r, cheating with other women, online dating,Substance abuse issues.
Attempting R in bi

Posts: 916 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: Alabama
Jospehine85
♀ Member
Member # 35971
Default  Posted: 4:30 PM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do it now while you have the ability to verify.

I should have gone through ALL of my WH's email accounts before I confronted. He deleted everything during the A. Oddly enough he deleted chunks around the times he went to regular work conference. Well that made me go hmmmm. What did he not want me to see?

I will never know. I can only imagine.

Verify now. You will always imagine the worst, so the reality of what you find can only be equal or better.


Me - BS 40s
WH - 50s
4 Kids
Dday May 2012

Posts: 811 | Registered: Jun 2012
anv5
♀ Member
Member # 39217
Default  Posted: 5:46 PM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Unfortunatly a lot was deleted, hidden, lied about etc. What I might be able to get would (probably) not be any where close to what I would have found if I had waited to confront him if only we knew ahead of time right

I just don't know what I will do if I find out more or that it hasn't stopped


BS(me)30
WH 29
1 Child
Married 11 yrs
D-Day: 4/9/13 he cheated in '08 & now + trickle truth & tons of lies 6/27 Found more, swears I really do have the whole truth now.
2/2/14 found out more...it seems the TT never ends.
Trying to R

Posts: 71 | Registered: May 2013
Rebreather
♀ Member
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 6:09 PM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sure you know what you will do.

You will stand up straight, and you will demand your life be under your control. You deserve an authentic life with an authentic partner.

With knowledge comes power. Knowledge is a gift. It may mean we have to do hard things, but controlling your destiny is much better than having it controlled for you.

Hang tough. You got this.


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6308 | Registered: Jan 2011
Topic Posts: 5

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