To sum it up, he tells me that going through the polygraph would make him feel "little" as a man. Speaking with a stranger about his cheating would make him feel embarrassed and he swears on our children 's souls that he is telling me the truth. That there is no more to tell.
He goes on about how much I hurt him throughout our lives, and I tell him he was not a loving husband, always working and always shutting me out.
He seems to be remorseful and regrets the way he handled his life. He continually tells me how much I am the women of his dream, that he loves me, that he will walk through fire for me.
Yet, I ask him to take the poly, tell him do that for me, I tell him that it may make you feel "small" and uncomfortable, but you will get over it. He then goes on about I have to trust him, that he is telling me the truth.
Bottom line, I told him, "I told you what I wanted, you told me how you feel, I do not promise you anything". That is where we are tonight.
I am going to be fine. It seems every conversation we have about this shit, I do get stronger.
He's blameshifting and making this an issue about you and the marriage and about how small it makes him that people know he's a cheater. What about how small it makes you feel knowing that he cheated on you?
I'm sorry, he's a jerkbag!
I am going to be fine. It seems every conversation we have about this shit, I do get stronger
Good, it looks like you're going to need to be stronger. You will be. You already are.
He is still lying.
I'm sorry you have to deal with his crap.
edited for typos (I always have to!)
Actions, like a poly test, have meaning.
This worries me for you because it's like he's looking for things to say to get out of it, where it could be all done and you could both move on already!
When Happy Pants did that, it became a red flag. I'm not saying it is for you, for every situation is different, right? But when I got a song and dance, my heart fell.
Yes, I'm sorry too and hope he will come around and be the man he needs to be.
A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess
It seems every conversation we have about this shit, I do get stronger
He's not remorseful. He's just sorry that he got caught.
In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.
He seems to be remorseful
No. He is not remorseful. True remorse would be driving him to do whatever it takes for you to feel safe, happy and at peace in your marriage. If he was remorseful he would be willing to take the poly. Sorry, you are not seeing remorse.
This would be a dealbreaker for me. What are you going to do next?
Big hugs to you.
Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson
I confronted my husband by saying, "so we need to talk about this prostitute thing."
He said, "I swear on a stack of bibles I have not purchased anymore prostitutes. As soon as, I get home, you get that bible and I will swear on it."
I said, "so now, not only are you purchasing prostitutes, but you are lying to me and lying to God. I think I'm more upset about your dishonesty."
He said, "no. I swear it. I have not been purchasing prostitutes. Get the bible out..."
I pulled put the pictures I had taken of his phone with the text messages to the prostitute he purchased the day before, Sunday (which he made an excuse that he couldn't go to church).
I then read, verbatim, the texts back and forth "hey. It's Rex. You available." "no, just finishing with a client. He's a 2 minute no sex man who pays for an hour. Give me ten minutes and you can come up." "ok. How much?" "$225/hour, $125 hh." "ok. Get your strap on so you can f@@@ me"
There was silence on the other line. And then he hung up.
They always lie and they always swear on whoever.
We went to six weeks of MC - with him playing the role of long suffering husband trying to understand neurotic wife who struggled with the demands of his role.
Then the first admission came out.
Several months later - same vow - I had been told everything!
Another month - oh yeah he lied about that too. Another vow ten months out - "you know everything - there is nothing more to tell. I feel like a weight has lifted" yadda yadda yadda ...
11 months - "BTW there was another women - only once though I promise, I swear......."
They lie - even when they seem remorseful!
Cheaters Handbook 101
fWH had ONS with High School Principal he met on Ashley.com. 08/25/2009
My WH swore on our children's lives that I knew everything.
A year later I found out about three ONSs, a 2year LTA with married coworker, and a continuing f***buddy/sexter. They will swear on anything. The truth is much more difficult for them. The truth you do get tends to get minimized as well.
2 Ddays and lots of TT
Scars remind us where we've been. They don't have to dictate where we're going. (Criminal Minds)
I saw him, I could not unsee him. -StrongButBroken
I didn't enjoy it either, but he passed and we were able to move forward.
If he had said no it would have been a deal breaker for me.