Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
Find a Local Couselor
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: northeasternarea (43214)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Gaslight - the movie
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 8:25 PM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just got it in the mail from Netflix. I think I'm finally strong enough after all this time to watch it. Never seen it before.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 elementary school-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 8783 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 8:48 PM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have never seen it either. You are so brave.

Check in. I am curious, but I also want to know you didn't turn into a puddle.


Me: 43, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 12 DS 9
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5300 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
Compartmented
Member
Member # 29410
Default  Posted: 9:22 PM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, I watched that! It's very spot on to what I lived. Scarily so. At the end I was screaming at the television, "Just look at him! If you'd only LOOK at him, you'd see!"

(I don't think that is a spoiler.)

It made me see myself in a new light. I should have "looked". I was very naive and trusting.


Posts: 1060 | Registered: Aug 2010
tryingagain74
♀ Member
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 9:26 PM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's a great film, but I also love most classic films. I haven't seen it since my life flipped upside-down, though, so I'm not sure how I'd feel about it today.

Let us know what you think if you get the chance!


BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3401 | Registered: Oct 2011
Dark Inertia
Member
Member # 30727
Default  Posted: 9:28 PM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh my God, it is a wonderful film, Angela Lansbury really steals the show. Very dark, very real.


"If I listened earlier, I wouldn't be here. But that's just the trouble with me. I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it."

Posts: 1102 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: The Ohio
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 10:24 PM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Love bombing - check
Won't let her be alone with her thoughts - check
Rushed romance - check
Pushing her boundaries - check
Seems so normal, then WHAM! flips out on her - check

I'm less than 30 minutes into the movie. So far it's like deja vu.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 elementary school-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 8783 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
IrishLass518
♀ Member
Member # 34373
Default  Posted: 10:25 PM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Great movie and really opened my eyes to what I had lived through and survived. Kinda scary in that respect.


Me: 45 BS Divorced
Him: 45 Married OW
DDay: 07/04/2008
Divorced: 06/15/2011
5 kids: IrishLass 27,IrishLad 25, IrishLass 22, IrishLad 21 and IrishLad 11
"You can't run from trouble..there ain't no place that far"

Posts: 1475 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: WA
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 10:45 PM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Having to stop again 'cuz this is just so close to my reality. No one would believe me about the head games he used to play... 'Cept maybe this crowd here in SI.

Telling her her reality - check
Isolating her - check
Making her question her memory - check


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 elementary school-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 8783 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 11:00 PM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

On a Narc forum some of us watched it... and critiqued it.. regarding Narcky behaviors..... some people picked up the most subtle Narcy manipulations regarding other characters. I found it easier to watch looking at the secondary characters than watching the main characters.

It hit really really close to home for me.

Hugs,

K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 4027 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
peridot
♀ Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 11:26 PM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nope but now you have me wanting to watch it lol.


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4488 | Registered: Feb 2008
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 11:50 PM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Over an hour into it. OMG, this is eerie. I see so much of my marriage, STBX, me in this movie.

Why are people like this??????????


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 elementary school-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 8783 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 12:38 AM, June 28th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's over. I feel like I need to see my counselor...

http://narcissisticbehavior.net/the-effects-of-gaslighting-in-narcissistic-victim-syndrome

Here's what I don't get. In the movie the husband had a motivation. I'm stuck on what motivation my husband had. What could it have been? Did he even have a motivation? I'm not rich, not famous, not ever gonna be. My husband is just truly so fucked up that he did this to me just because, right? He didn't need a reason, right? He's just a sick sociopath and I was just dumb & dysfunctional enough to get stuck in his trap.

Pardon me while I go rock in a corner...


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 elementary school-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 8783 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 12:41 AM, June 28th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I watched it not too long after we separated. I think I should watch it again and see if I see it any differently.


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7633 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 1:26 AM, June 28th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Are You Being Gaslighted?
Check for these telltale signs:
1. You constantly second-guess yourself.
2. You wonder, “Am I being too sensitive?” a dozen times a day.
3. You wonder frequently if you are a “good enough” girlfriend/wife/employee/friend/daughter.
4. You have trouble making simple decisions.
5. You think twice before bringing up innocent topics of conversation.
6. You frequently make excuses for your partner’s behavior to friends and family.
7. Before your partner comes home from work, you run through a checklist in your head to anticipate anything you might have done wrong that day.
8. You buy clothes for yourself, furnishings for your apartment, or other personal purchases thinking about what your partner would like instead of what would make you feel great.
9. You actually start to enjoy the constant criticism, because you think, “What doesn’t kill me will make me stronger.”
10. You start speaking to your husband through his secretary so you don’t have to tell him things you’re afraid might upset him.
11. You start lying to avoid the put-downs and reality twists.
12. You feel as though you can’t do anything right.
13. You frequently wonder if you’re good enough for your lover.
14. Your kids start trying to protect you from being humiliated by your partner.
15. You feel hopeless and joyless.

Your husband crosses the line in his flirtations with another woman at a dinner party. When you confront him, he asks you to stop being insecure and controlling. After a long argument, you apologize for giving him a hard time.

Your boss backed you on a project when you met privately in his office, and you went full steam ahead. But at a large gathering of staff—including yours—he suddenly changes his tune and publicly criticizes your poor judgment. When you tell him your concerns for how this will affect your authority, he tells you that the project was ill-conceived and you’ll have to be more careful in the future. You begin to question your competence.

Your mother belittles your clothes, your job, your friends, and your boyfriend. But instead of fighting back as your friends encourage you to do, you tell them that your mother is often right and that a mature person should be able to take a little criticism.

If you think things like this can’t happen to you, think again. Gaslighting is when someone wants you to do what you know you shouldn’t and to believe the unbelieveable. It can happen to you and it probably already has.

How do we know? If you consider answering “yes” to even one of the following questions, you’ve probably been gaslighted:

Does your opinion of yourself change according to approval or disapproval from your spouse?

When your boss praises you, do you feel as if you could conquer the world?

Do you dread having small things go wrong at home—buying the wrong brand of toothpaste, not having dinner ready on time, a mistaken appointment written on the calendar?

Gaslighting is an insidious form of emotional abuse and manipulation that is difficult to recognize and even harder to break free from. That’s because it plays into one of our worst fears—of being abandoned—and many of our deepest needs: to be understood, appreciated, and loved. In this groundbreaking guide, the prominent therapist Dr. Robin Stern shows how the Gaslight Effect works and tells you how to:
Turn up your Gaslight Radar, so you know when a relationship is headed for trouble

Determine whether you are enabling a gaslighter

Recognize the Three Stages of Gaslighting: Disbelief, Defense, and Depression

Refuse to be gaslighted by using the Five Rules for Turning Off the Gas

Develop your own “Gaslight Barometer” so you can decide which relationships can be saved—and which you have to walk away from

Learn how to Gasproof Your Life so that you’ll never again choose another gaslighting relationship


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 elementary school-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 8783 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
jennie160
♀ Member
Member # 29949
Default  Posted: 9:16 AM, June 28th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've never watched this but I think it may be time. It's on Amazon Instant Video if any one else is interested.

I feel like I need to see my counselor...

I think it would be good to test myself and see if I can catch all of the gas lighting behaviors. Hopefully, this doesn't derail all of my work and cause major triggers.


Posts: 921 | Registered: Oct 2010
IrishLass518
♀ Member
Member # 34373
Default  Posted: 10:19 AM, June 28th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The only motivation I could ever come up with for my xWH's gaslighting was to make him the "good guy". If I was crazy and didn't know what I was doing then he had every reason to do what he did, at least in his head, and wasn't he a gem for staying and putting up with me? It also conveniently removed him from blame and placed it on my shoulders. He wasn't having an A, I drove him away. So I essentially asked for his behavior and treatment.


Me: 45 BS Divorced
Him: 45 Married OW
DDay: 07/04/2008
Divorced: 06/15/2011
5 kids: IrishLass 27,IrishLad 25, IrishLass 22, IrishLad 21 and IrishLad 11
"You can't run from trouble..there ain't no place that far"

Posts: 1475 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: WA
tesla
♀ Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 10:41 AM, June 28th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, shit. That list sounds like ex-shat. I might have to check this movie out.


ish kabibble

Posts: 4199 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
Housefulloflove
♀ Member
Member # 38458
Default  Posted: 11:21 AM, June 28th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What IrishLad said EXACTLY.

Not to T/J but your description of the movie reminded me of some seriously sickening stunts Ex tried to pull before I knew what was going on. Before I found out about the affair that bastard tried HARD to make me feel like I was losing my mind. He started reading books about polygamy and arguing points in support of polygamy while simultaneously arguing that he does not support polygamy and would NEVER be with another woman because *I* thought it was wrong. He would sneak in insults like how I wasn't secure enough for that or that I didn't trust him enough to handle it. As if the problem was not the BS he was saying but my inability to handle something that should be OK.

He would argue that the biblical definition of adultery only applies to women and a man can be with more than one woman as long as he cares for her like a husband. And at the same time he was adamant that he wasn't trying to convince me that it would be OK if he was with another woman and that he would NEVER do that.

Not long after that started, there was an incident where immediately after we had sex he started pouting. After repeatedly asking him what was wrong he finally said how he "really wanted to have sex with other women" and how he didn't know if I would ever satisfy him.

When I had a SERIOUS fucking issue with those words and especially the time he delivered them (to the point that I was physically grieving and mentally preparing to leave his ass), he argued that I always asked him to share his thoughts and feelings but when he did I couldn't handle them and acted irrationally and emotional. That MF'er convinced me that *I* was in the wrong for reacting to the fucked up stuff he was saying to me in the month or two before DDay. It was the same argument he later used to gaslight me about his "friendship" with OW. The lack of boundaries isn't the issue, my inability to just leave the issue alone was the REAL problem!

All of the crap he dumped on me came out of nowhere and my head was spinning. Looking back it's like I was married to one crappy-ass guy for almost 10 years but the last 3-4 months some evil clone took over to finish the mission for the marriage to end with me in an institution or a grave.

And even if I wasted my breath to bring up these incidences with him now he would make the same arguments, blame me and gas me until the room spins even though his actions since those days prove without a doubt that he was priming himself up for an affair. His motivation? To look and feel like the "good guy" no matter how awful of a person he truly is. He doesn't actually have to be a good person, he just needs people to believe it. Sick bastard.

I definitely have to watch this movie when I get a chance.


Me-29 Starting over
ExWH-29 Probable NPD, PA, manchild
3 beautiful young children
DDay 1/20/13 Admits PA
No remorse so NO R. DIVORCED! 9/2013

Posts: 541 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: USA
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 4:14 PM, June 28th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

AKA a...Mind F*ck.


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
CharlieFoxtrot
♀ Member
Member # 38010
Default  Posted: 4:39 PM, June 28th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This one hits home for me, too... I watched that movie a couple months ago and it was very insightful, triggery in a gross but strengthening way, as I could finally recognize that *I'm not crazy* and *I never was*!!

Housefulloflove~ the X pulled that same shit with me, even compared himself to David with a wandering eye, a harem, and a man after God's own heart

It's been awhile since I could post freely bc of some of his crazy stunts during the D... But I tell you guys truly, freedom is so very sweet❤


Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.

Posts: 505 | Registered: Jan 2013
Topic Posts: 20

Return to Forum: Divorce/Separation Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.