Tell him you will once he "unfucks" her.
So simple, yet brilliant!!!! ^^^^^^^^^^
He isn't so much defending as saying my rage at her detracts from my anger t him. He thinks that me going into rants about how much I hate her is my deflecting from how much I hate him. And it is to an extent. And I guess its also selfish of him as he finds discussion of her difficult as hes ashamed.
I think you're starting to get at it, with what you wrote above.
Try reversing the situation in your mind. In this scenario, you cheated on your H with his good friend. Now, post A, your husband is seething mad at his good friend and continues to be this way. Wouldn't you feel like, geez, if he's that mad at his friend and hates him that much, how much must he hate me? I'm the one that betrayed him the most. I was married to him! In this scenario, if your husband came to you and said, ok, I'm done with my x friend, it's you and I that now need to heal and grow,mean you see how that would make more sense, possibly?
I haven't experienced a double betrayal. I can't imagine how horrible that would feel. I'm sorry you're struggling with your feelings toward your x friend. But, I'm of the opinion that your H's betrayal is much, much worse. From what you wrote in your post, it seems like you might be minimizing your feelings toward your H and maximizing your feelings toward your x friend. If that's true, reversing your focus may help.
Best to you.
I have found myself directing more anger toward WS now that she appears to finally be gone. I do not trust her though and am thankful we live far away but it makes me afraid to ever go home to visit.
I don't think anything about the first OW. She was someone I never knew beforehand and has been gone for 5 years now almost as if she never existed and I like it that way.
[This message edited by PrincessPeach06 at 12:13 PM, July 6th (Saturday)]
Finally this is R 8/14/13
"Forgiving is a journey; the deeper the wound, the longer the journey".
I concur!! Until then, I will post happy pictures for her to look at.
"It's hard to be in love when you can't tell lies!