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Newest Member: Linda608 (45345)

New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Sister's boyfriend
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Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 11:52 AM, July 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Crescita, we have an organization called Kaity's way speak to our kids once a year and it's always an eye opener for the girls. There are generally a few breakups following the presentation. They are based out of the Phoenix area and I'm not sure if they have any resources for adults or not but they are great people who absolutely care and could probably point you in the right direction.

Here is a link to their web site.

Posts: 1734 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Baja Arizona
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Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 12:20 PM, July 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for all the suggestions. My sister is an intellectual to an extent, but she veers away from self help material.

At this point I'm just trying to focus on what I can do to help without playing into the controlling sister role he is trying to box me into. I have faith in our sisterly bond, I almost want to laugh if he thinks he can come between us, but then part of me does still worry.

From some of the reading I've found on the subject, it typically takes 7-9 tries to break up with a controller. She is at 2. Long road ahead I guess.

“Happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue.” ― Viktor E. Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning

Posts: 3447 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
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Default  Posted: 4:33 PM, July 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Crescita this is so hard. A very dear friend of mine was like this. Over time our whole friendship devolved into her venting about her BF and she and I didn't do anything fun together. She moved away and despite promises to stay in touch she didn't. In retrospect I feel like I was friends with an addict with all the stresses of a loved one of an addict. I still care about her but I let the friendship go, something that is different with a sister. I am so sorry, this is a terrible situation.

Maybe you would benefit from Al Anon even tho it's not alcohol, or books about loving addicts. Something so you don't go crazy trying to help your sister.

BS, age 53, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years and 20 together. Now I am living alone in the beautiful rural property that was once the dream retreat with X. It's taking a long time to create new dreams but despite some struggles I am mostly happy.

Posts: 5857 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
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Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 11:13 AM, August 6th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just wanted to update you all, put an intention out to the universe, they broke up three weeks ago. I've been waiting to see if it stuck because they were still communicating, but he finally got around to returning her vehicle and a few other possessions yesterday, and she really seems done with him.

I think he realized she couldn't be broken because her support network was sticking around and she had no intention of giving it up.

My sister has been a little down, but there is really more of a lightness about her now. She's not in a hurry to start dating again, just focusing on herself and some long overdue goals. Things are looking up for her

“Happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue.” ― Viktor E. Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning

Posts: 3447 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
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