The times, they are'a changin'! -Bob Dylan
I do not seek absolution, because I do not think that I deserve it. But it is something that I give freely to ****** as I do not blame him for any if this. I have lost my marriage, my girls and my home because of my actions. I lost my chance to give my girls something I never had. I am pretty sure this is close to rock bottom though I know true rock bottom will be losing ******'s friendship.
What? I don't get it, the asterisks confuse me. Did this OW say that after losing her family and her daughters "true" rock bottom is losing your husband's friendship? If that is the case that is some serious fucked up.
My WH cheated on me with multiple women between 2004 until DDay, 22 Oct 11. Over seven years of cheating and he was carrying on two long distance relationships between 2010 to DDay. I contacted the two women he was having a relationship with, one that he dated back in high school and was trying to rekindle a relationship over email, and another woman he had a relationship with in 2005-2006 and was starting to email again. 4 women at once. I wrote an email and sent it to all of them at the same time, explaining to them that my husband was a huge liar and played them all. They all thought he was a divorced single dad, making it all on his own with two teens. They all bought it. Only one of them found out in 2010 that he was still married and kept on with the relationship anyway, believing my husband when he said that he was in the process of divorce and was going to marry her. I explained to them that during this time I thought we were a happily married couple and had no idea that while on business trips he was visiting the two long distance women, having sex with one for a few days, then flying to see the other one and having sex with her. They were all shocked and very thankful for me telling them so they could get checked for std's and give him the boot (except for one of his long distance affairs, she went off the deep end and caused all sorts of drama, but that's a different story). I still talk to one of his OW to this day, we are friends now and have bonded and supported each other through this whole horrible ordeal. The other two women he had email affairs with just didn't want to deal with any of it, which I totally understand, and no longer contact me or my WH. It was a very healing decision for me to contact them. They had every right to know what was going on as I did. And even the crazy OW that knew he was still married, didn't realize how screwed up my husband's alter-life really was until I told them everything I found out. Even though she caused me a lot of grief, she still had a right to know.
Now some more "complications" have arisen, and she still keeps him.
It helps by telling me what kind of person this is and what she will settle for and I will not.
I know for me, one thing I want is respect-but also self-respect.
And it was extremely enjoyable. My inner psycho came out. I was so closed to punching her.
As it turns out she was a serial OW, no one confronted her. Maybe it will give her something to ponder over.
Still makes me smile and laugh today.
Ditz bitch was over the phone. Lies lies lies. But hey! Still fun!
But if you have an out of control temper
Or expect truth or an ACTUAL HUMAN APOLOGY...
You're delusional, they are disgusting creatures.
Of course there are the exceptions, but it's rare.
I have definitely fantasized about what that conversation would be like. Friends of mine who know what is going on say I should contact her. It's easy to say "If that happened to me, I would..." but when you find yourself in the situation, and you have your own interests to think about and you are trying to protect your kids and not throw gasoline on the flames, you actually do think about alternatives. The rational me knows that in the long run, it's not productive and I won't gain a thing and risk making myself look stupid/pathetic (in the eyes of someone who is pretty stupid/pathetic themselves).
In my case, she is the fantasy object of my SAWS and she works for a company he is involved with (but doesn't work for). Confronting her, blowing the lid off of their relationship (which people suspected), is not in my long term interests. Would I love to see her fall professionally? Sure, but I also know then she'd probably want some kind of revenge on me. The best way to handle this is to take what I can influence (recovery and reconciliation) under my roof and let her be. I know people know what went on...she and SAWH aren't fooling anyone. And apparently she already has quite a reputation for going after men with money. She's in her 30s now and as one of my friends says "She's been ridden hard and hung out wet." The longer she plays these games, no man with any real sense will want to be involved with her.
Now that he admits he is a SA, it's a lot easier for me to look at this whole situation from the past several years of our marriage and understand how SA led up to this. Our relationship really does fit the profile. It's a huge burden off of me...even though I realized I wasn't responsible for what happened, I now have the backstory and I know that there is nothing I could have done differently. So much of what happened was rooted in what happened in his childhood.
So, bottom line, I think this is the time you have to take care of yourself. And planning a confrontation with OW is not taking care of yourself or looking out for your long term best interests.