I know what I want, I want the marriage and the man that I thought I married. But I know now that didn't exist. So, I am stuck. I don't leant to divorce but I can't accept this behavior in my life.
My friends and family have said that sex isn't a reason to leave an otherwise good marriage. He's a good provider and excellent and attentive dad and husband.
I think it's an addiction too. I mean who drives 45 minutes at 2:45 am to "play" with a couple who are 30 years older than him. He says he doesn't think about me at all or makes up reasons to be angry at me.
He says the right things. Doesn't blame me, blames himself, will get help. I can't buy think this is manipulation and lies and he will continue with this behavior. I already told him the next time is a deal breaker. Ow I have to decide if his behavior is already a deal breaker.
He swears his indiscretions were always safe. I do believe him as we had a baby and I don't believe he's let me risk the baby as I am still breast feeding him. But maybe I am delusional and again giving him too much power. I was tested in 2011 and was clear of everything then.Choices are easy to make, even the most difficult of choices are made in the span of a heart beat. It is coming to terms with the results of these choices which can take a very long time indeed.
At least this fence is mine to own and