That's exactly it. I think I was still hoping for some kind of mmiracle to happen and that he would be able to be who thought he once was. It's so hard to get through to my head.
Now that it is over for good, it makes me incredibly sad. Even though he now disgusts me. I can't make sense of it. Now he knows that there is no way back after all I said to him and all I know he will no longer bother contacting me. He will just cut me off like I never existed because he never cared about me anyway. That makes me sad.