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Newest Member: turdlben (45332)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Re: Telling OP's husband...
OldCow18
♀ Member
Member # 39670
Default  Posted: 2:01 PM, June 29th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wh has sworn to me that OP's husband knows about the A. On the night I confronted WH, I also confronted OP by sending a PM to her on Facebook, it was short and sweet (well, maybe not sweet)and it was clear...Wh claims that OP's H had OPs phone when that message came in and he saw it and they had it out and are now in the same boat we are. Issue is, I don't believe it. Gut is telling me otherwise, even though we have revisted this issue and he swears it's true every single time.

OP's H ALSO works with BH and OP, but in another department. I fear that if I tell him and he doesn't know he will have BH fired, which means we lose our house, etc... Is there ANY way I can request proof of his knowing without ME being the one to contact him?


Me, BW forty something, DD & DS,
Married to WH (49) 11 years, together 16
D-Day 6.8.13

Posts: 620 | Registered: Jun 2013
JustWow
♀ Member
Member # 19636
Default  Posted: 3:12 PM, June 29th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just contact him. Hell, he's likely to be afraid of his WW being fired, too. We had the same situation - he didin't know. He divorrced his WW, but didn't want child support/ spousal support impacted by her lack of employment.


BW - Reconciling

edited for typos (I always have to!)


Posts: 3629 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Midwest
fourever
♀ Member
Member # 30631
Default  Posted: 3:26 PM, June 29th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Absolutely tell him. Be kind, clear, and truthful. Don't wait. That is all that is required of you. Make it clear you are dealing with your husband, and you think it's over.

Doubtful he would talk to your husband, but perhaps both will leave the company.

Fear factor is the wandering spouse playbook rule 1.


In R since shortly after DD.
Discovered what was right in front of him and nearly lost.

Always, tell the other BS! Always!

"It's hard to be in love when you can't tell lies"!


Posts: 877 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Northeast
Jospehine85
♀ Member
Member # 35971
Default  Posted: 4:14 PM, June 29th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OBH can not have your WH fired for sleeping with his WW.

Depending on which state you are in. Your WH's employer can fire him for no reason OR for failure to perform (which requires documentation and lots of opportunities to correct a deficiency)

If your WH's company is willing to fire him simply because a BH asked, than your WH is having issues at work too.

Frankly, I think you should tell him now. The BH will eventually find out. Best you know when instead of having the "threat" hang over your heads for years. Get it done. Make sure he knows. YOU would have wanted him to tell you if he had found out about the A first.

When you tell him, just give him facts and offer proof if he would like it.

[This message edited by Jospehine85 at 4:14 PM, June 29th (Saturday)]


Me - BS 40s
WH - 50s
4 Kids
Dday May 2012

Posts: 894 | Registered: Jun 2012
JustWow
♀ Member
Member # 19636
Default  Posted: 7:13 PM, June 29th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The other BS may actually know much more than you do, so talking to him could actually help YOU - get more truth.


BW - Reconciling

edited for typos (I always have to!)


Posts: 3629 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Midwest
Holly-Isis
♀ Member
Member # 13447
Default  Posted: 7:59 PM, June 29th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wh claims that OP's H had OPs phone when that message came in and he saw it and they had it out and are now in the same boat we are.

I see some issues here.
First, this is likely a lie. People in the midst of cheating usually guard their phones and communications zealously. OW probably would have let her BH use her phone unless the evidence trail was locked down.

If this is the case, then your WH is lying and likely has taken the A underground. Especially if he's the one trying to convince you he might lose his job.

Unless he's in charge of OW or their place of employment has a morality clause, she's just as likely to lose her job as your WH is.


"Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. *CS Lewis*

Posts: 11225 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Just a fool in limbo
1Faith
♀ Member
Member # 38975
Revenge  Posted: 8:45 AM, June 30th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OP's H ALSO works with BH and OP, but in another department. I fear that if I tell him and he doesn't know he will have BH fired

1) This is a consequence of their choices. They need to be prepared to face ALL consequences.

2) I doubt they'd fire your husband over this and not the OW too.

3) WH swore her BH knows then what's the harm in contacting him to verify? You can do it in a manner that is factual and not malicious. What's the harm?

4) I didn't feel right until I let the BH know I knew. I felt I needed to have that to begin to truly heal.

5). Gently - your husband does not have any credibility on telling the truth. He's continuously lied to you. Why believe him now?

6) he wants to minimize this and protect himself and OW. I say reach out to the other BS and verify yourself. FB or LinkedIn message ?

Good luck. Keep us posted. Follow your gut.


"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it." - Maya Angelou

Posts: 1187 | Registered: Apr 2013
Topic Posts: 7

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