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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Am I Reading Too Much Into These Words?
authenticnow
♀ Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 1:11 PM, June 30th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Don't back out. Just because he agreed to it doesn't mean he's not lying.

I still think he's messing with you.


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 34749 | Registered: Sep 2007
anonymous823
♀ Member
Member # 39433
Default  Posted: 1:25 PM, June 30th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@authenticnow- I won't. He's saying his biggest concern is him passing the polygraph and me still not believing him.

Posts: 89 | Registered: Jun 2013
authenticnow
♀ Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 1:30 PM, June 30th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He needs to know that a poly is not a clear cut resolution/solution to all this. For my BH it was just one small piece of the healing puzzle. His healing continued for a long time after that, still does continue 6 years out. Your WH also needs to understand that if he passes it's not a get out of jail free card for him. He's still not off the hook. It can't be, "Well, I passed the poly what more do you want?"

The process continues, he needs to continue to do the work to support you in your healing.

He's saying his biggest concern is him passing the polygraph and me still not believing him.

Legitimate concern but, guess what? Tough. It may happen. He'll have to work to build trust every day for a long, long time-with or without the poly.


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 34749 | Registered: Sep 2007
anonymous823
♀ Member
Member # 39433
Default  Posted: 1:36 PM, June 30th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@authenticnow- he says he wants us to have foundational trust and really work and he feels that by taking the test and passing it he will remove my ability to make excuses for not working with him. He has been working hard for 2 months, I'll give him that. I just am very concerned about really letting go in R only to find out he kept something bigger from me. Im hoping this polygraph helps.

Posts: 89 | Registered: Jun 2013
authenticnow
♀ Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 2:19 PM, June 30th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just am very concerned about really letting go in R only to find out he kept something bigger from me.
Of course. It took a very long time for my BH to go 'all in' for the same reason. At some point he realized that he was tired of always waiting for the other shoe to drop and decided it was time.

It was a long and slow process that cannot be rushed.

I hope the polygraph gets you started towards feeling some peace. Good luck. I'll be sending good thoughts.


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 34749 | Registered: Sep 2007
Wonderingwhy11
♀ Member
Member # 34782
Default  Posted: 2:56 AM, July 1st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When I confronted my WH about evidence and his behavior he told me their wasn't another women and he also said you will never forgive me. I will never forget that slip up.

If he said "you think I am still F*#K(*g her " then I think you have need to consider he did.

About her lying I have to say she will if she feels she needs to protect herself. When I talked to my WH's OW she told most of the time nothing happened. WH told me that wasn't true. I would believe the OW less.

To answer your question - I don't think you are reading too much into his words. He needs to realize this and stop being defensive about what he said.

Your WS needs to understand how to rebuild trust. Badgering and trying to make you feel you are being unreasonable is not going to help.


Me BW - 46
Him WH - 53
Together 23 yrs, Married 18
DDay August 2011
2 kids - 13 and 15

Gotta love the life that we livin'


Posts: 376 | Registered: Feb 2012
anonymous823
♀ Member
Member # 39433
Default  Posted: 3:23 PM, July 1st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well I learned that it wasn't a slip after all. Polygraphs are offered on pretty short notice. He didn't have sex with her and I'm relieved. Apparently he is just using my terminology like he said. My gut wasn't screaming he did it due to what I know of him and the denials of the OW who I know would have rubbed it in if she had done it. Still I asked him to not say still any more when discussing it.

Posts: 89 | Registered: Jun 2013
Topic Posts: 27
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