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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: FaceBook and Social Media setting me back!
RedRaven6500
♀ Member
Member # 39626
Default  Posted: 6:26 PM, June 30th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am new to this site, I wish I would have known about it months ago when Dday hit me, but the fact that I have it now is very helpful. I haven't put my story out there yet because rehashing can really do a number on me, even though I am almost 2 years out from Dday. My issue right now are the set backs I have when certain triggers get to me. Specifically social media sites. I was raised in a small town, where everyone knew/knows everyone. Before Dday, I was getting into the whole Facebook thing, thinking how great it was getting back in touch with old HS friends, family back in my hometown, and people I once worked with before I moved out of state. Also, FB is practically the only way my kids communicate with my hubby and I while in college, without FB, I would never know what was going on with them (both of our kids attend college in our hometown as well).

What pisses me off, is that one of the my H's OW was a high school classmate of ours and still lives in the same area where we grew up. Hubby and I have blocked her from FB, email and other social media sites, but every once in a while something pops up that really gets me hot. On FB there is an app that a lot of my friends use, called SchoolFeed. On this site, if you don't restrict your pictures on FB, SchoolFeed will access all of your photos. Random pics from your albums can be displayed and used as a fun thing for former classmates to vote on and view. Blocking someone on FB doesn't apply apparently to SchoolFeed. Yesterday, pictures from OW's FB album was displayed, a picture of the two of them in Hawaii and one of my H posing with her son at her home. All I could do was sit there with my mouth hanging open, then the anger and tears set in. Why in the hell is she doing still displaying pictures of my H in her Facebook photos!?! It has been 18 months since he has last heard from her and she still has pictures of him on her account. I hate still getting a punch in the stomach by her, and the fact that she got away scott-free from the mess she made in my life. I also hate feeling so bitter, there are so many days where she never crosses my mind. I can go weeks without thinking about the EA & PA that they had for two years, but then a random thing like this will happen and I'm a emotional mess all over again. Anyone else have problems with Social Media and it's backlash on your recovery?

[This message edited by blking at 7:19 PM, June 30th (Sunday)]


BW: Me 42, WH: Him 42, Married: 22 years
DD: 21, DS: 20 both in college
DDay: 22 Oct 2011
Year PAs/EAs started: 2004, possibly 2003
OW: 3 "serious" long-distance A's, several casual A's, some at the same time. Classy.
In R

Posts: 116 | Registered: Jun 2013
BeautifulEmpty
♀ Member
Member # 38763
Default  Posted: 7:02 PM, June 30th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry...I'm in my own mess and I don't have any brilliant words of wisdom but you've been heard.
((Hugs))


Me: 42 BS
Him: 38 ws
Ow: 44 head case, no obs
5 DD's: 21, 18, 17, 15, 10
Last D-day: August 2012 with lots of very blurry lines.

Posts: 237 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Washington State
anonymous823
♀ Member
Member # 39433
Default  Posted: 7:14 PM, June 30th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had that issue with the OW from my exbf and I fixed it by going cold turkey off social media for 21 days. By the time I came back karma had taken its course and my ex had cheated on her too.

You can block the school feed app to avoid her. Just go to your application settings.

[This message edited by anonymous823 at 7:15 PM, June 30th (Sunday)]


Posts: 89 | Registered: Jun 2013
rachelc
♀ Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 8:13 PM, June 30th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Blking- read my " it could happen to me" thread... A pic with OW is accidentally pictured in my Facebook page because I was tagged. So was fwh....


his Ddays: 2/10, 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me: 48
him: 51
4 kiddos in lower 20's

ôSlide the weight from your shoulders and move forward. You are afraid you might forget, but you never will. You will forgive and remember."


Posts: 4493 | Registered: Dec 2010
LineInTheSand
♀ Member
Member # 20399
Default  Posted: 8:18 PM, June 30th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

without FB, I would never know what was going on with them (both of our kids attend college in our hometown as well).

Why not use good ol' email? FB isn't your only option. Email may not have all the bells and whistles but it beats having to see any of OW's postings.

Anyone else have problems with Social Media and it's backlash on your recovery?

Absolutely. My solution was to close my account. To this day, I still avoid social networking sites due to the OW and her antics. I highly doubt I'll ever open an account again, but I'm okay with it.

BTW, my D-day was five years ago.


Posts: 491 | Registered: Jul 2008
RedRaven6500
♀ Member
Member # 39626
Default  Posted: 8:55 PM, June 30th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I keep Facebook because my kids use it everyday, I won't ask them to alter their lives because I'm worried about them. I just know how they communicate, so I keep my account to stay connected. H and I have blocked the OW. She was never a friend on my account, but would pop up on mutual friend's posts. When I witnessed her to begin her weird stalking behavior on my and my kids FB profiles, that was when my family blocked her. It wouldn't surprise me if she still stalks me online, but I have hopes she has moved on. H and I haven't heard from her since April 2012.

It is just every once in a while she pops up in the oddest ways. Another example is a dance group I was involved in when my family and I lived overseas; but I noticed that she has joined the group as recently as 6 months ago. As far as I know, she has no affiliation with or knows anyone in the group/class, other than me and my daughter, and would probably never know anything about it if she hadn't been looking at our FB pages. (It is a professional teen/adult modern dancing troupe from Japan) I have since made a lot of my posts and pictures private to myself and friends only. It just makes me so angry that I have to either chose to alter my life online completely to avoid her or "just deal with it" and move on. I feel that I am on the right track of dealing with it, but every once in awhile it just gets to me. Why do I have to be the one to bend to her irrational behavior when I didn't do anything to her other than Not put up with her BS? Just venting here a bit since I just don't understand this type of behavior in "adults".


BW: Me 42, WH: Him 42, Married: 22 years
DD: 21, DS: 20 both in college
DDay: 22 Oct 2011
Year PAs/EAs started: 2004, possibly 2003
OW: 3 "serious" long-distance A's, several casual A's, some at the same time. Classy.
In R

Posts: 116 | Registered: Jun 2013
RedRaven6500
♀ Member
Member # 39626
Default  Posted: 8:59 PM, June 30th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow, rachelc, that's just crap. I'm sorry that happened to you. It is always the strange little things that pop up and make you feel horrible. My thoughts are with you.


BW: Me 42, WH: Him 42, Married: 22 years
DD: 21, DS: 20 both in college
DDay: 22 Oct 2011
Year PAs/EAs started: 2004, possibly 2003
OW: 3 "serious" long-distance A's, several casual A's, some at the same time. Classy.
In R

Posts: 116 | Registered: Jun 2013
BeautifulEmpty
♀ Member
Member # 38763
Default  Posted: 4:40 AM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just FYI but you can set Facebook so that you have to approve everything anyone tags you in before it gets posted to your page. You would still be faced with seeing it initially but then you just don't allow it and it goes away and is never automatically posted.


Me: 42 BS
Him: 38 ws
Ow: 44 head case, no obs
5 DD's: 21, 18, 17, 15, 10
Last D-day: August 2012 with lots of very blurry lines.

Posts: 237 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Washington State
cosmicjoke
♀ Member
Member # 39159
Default  Posted: 8:22 AM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

YES! It's a problem. FB is nothing but a huge setback and trigger factory IMO. I'm in the camp (a very small one apparently).. who thinks FB is just plain evil. I despise it on every level and I think it's added an unnecessary complication to our lives and relationships. It's a MYTH that we are brainwashed to believe-- that it's 'essential' and we have to do it 'because everyone's doing it'. It's not the end of the world if we're not on there. I guess a lot of people like it.. but it's really just a creepy scam to get all of your personal information (which people seem happy to willingly give them). 'Privacy controls'- what a joke. I don't trust them and honestly do not feel like I'm missing anything by refusing to play the FB game.
So I would vote for 'get rid of it', of course. Or at least you & your H cancel your accts for a few months (if they'll let you..!)- and see how your lives are. Chances are, you'll survive. Spend time with each other and with REAL friends in REAL life instead of looking at photos of so-called 'FB friends' on the the computer.
We don't need these EXTRA complications in our lives, on top of everything else! And I think if your H truly cares about your well-being and your rela, then he'll get rid of it. Which is more important- FB or your life together..??

Posts: 110 | Registered: May 2013
RedRaven6500
♀ Member
Member # 39626
Default  Posted: 1:29 AM, July 6th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So far the only thing on FB that has really bothered me were the OW pictures of my WH and her family posted on our high school reunion page. I guess I am just going to have to drop SchoolFeed and rely on my old high school friends to let me know when/where the next reunion is. It makes me mad though, that I have to either suffer or drop something I enjoy, so her stupid pictures don't pop up on my feed anymore. smh * As a side note, at one time, I did consider getting rid of my FB account, but since I am always on the move, it really does help me stay connected with old friends and family. I haven't lived in my home state since 1995, and I do love being able to stay connected and post/view pic of family so I can be with them when I can't physically "be" with them. One of the downfalls of being in the military, you're a rolling stone.


BW: Me 42, WH: Him 42, Married: 22 years
DD: 21, DS: 20 both in college
DDay: 22 Oct 2011
Year PAs/EAs started: 2004, possibly 2003
OW: 3 "serious" long-distance A's, several casual A's, some at the same time. Classy.
In R

Posts: 116 | Registered: Jun 2013
Topic Posts: 10

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