I am afraid if it doesn't work out between the two of us, if she will take half of my assets and cash. It stinks if that is the case after she is the one who broke the rules. Any advice on how to handle this situation?
If you live in a no-fault state, this may very well be true. What you have to ask yourself....repeatedly....is what are you going to do about it?
Let's assume for the moment that what you stated is true. Your WW can sleep with 100 different men, drain your joint bank account, and then be the first to file for divorce. All with zero remorse.
So be proactive.
Talk to an attorney, like yesterday. Learn what your rights are. Get an idea of what life might be like divorced---because as much as you do not want this, it is a real possibility.
Believe me, I understand. I was virtually paralyzed by my WW's actions---and it took me a long time to do what was in my best interests. I was as scared as scared could be, but I can assure you that the lack of any actions I took were worse than doing what was needed to be done. The same driving fear that you have right now---losing your wife, marriage, full access to your children, and way of life as you know it---have plagued all of us here, but it doesn't change the fact that much of it is beyond your control.
But, believe it or not, so much is in your control right now, if you can face your fear head-on. And the simplest explanation that I can give you at this point is to not accept her behavior or actions(or lack thereof).
Don't compromise who you are. Don't accept one bit of blameshifting behavior. Do not allow her to make demands when it comes to dealing with her affair.
You can't control her. She has her own decisions to make---good or bad. But you do not have to tolerate them. And until you are willing to show inflexibility for her poor behavior, she will continue to be an unsafe person.
Find your inner anger. Channel it. You can do this.BH-46
2 boys-17 & 19(special needs)
Married 21yrs.(together 26yrs.)
All work and no play has just cost me my wife--Gary Puckett
D-Day: 9/18/09 D-Day#2: 2/19/10 The Marriage Killer: 6/6/11
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