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New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Help Please! ---- Opinions Needed!
PanicAttack53
♂ Member
Member # 34195
Exclaimation  Posted: 6:55 PM, July 1st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OK, so the saga of my X wacko GF continues...

I posted in another thread about some Meetup groups I attend and also about backing off them for awhile cause *she* lives near most of them. So there is a celebration Meetup for a Divorce Support Group I've belonged to since Oct. of last year. The celebration is for the 2 year anniversary of the group and almost every member past and present will be there. I *really* want to go to this but I just got this email from the wacko....

"----, I want you to attend as you have been with the group for a while, so if your decision to attend is based on whether i attend, then please sign up and I won't attend. If you'd go anyway and don't mind if I was there, just drop me a a note, otherwise enjoy. Of course I want to take everything back, tell you how sorry I am that we couldn't just talk through this as you are so special to my heart. Right now, I'd go to the ends of the earth, to every concert, event you desire, just to share life together. If I don't get an ok from you about tomorrow night, enjoy the event. I'm so sorry for being a selfish idiot. Ultrasound ok? I only went to luau since my friend was getting me out of my funk and she knew lot of other people going, nothing underlying."

Please note that she has *not* been to one of these meetings in almost a year.

I think I already know the answer to this but I'd appreciate your opinions please!!! Thanks.

[This message edited by PanicAttack53 at 6:57 PM, July 1st (Monday)]


Me-BH Her-XWW | B/ 59 on D-day (11/17/11) | D final on 10/1/13 I'm Lovin' life again!
Rest of the story really doesn't matter any more.
“Realize deeply that the present moment is all you have.” ― Eckhart Tolle

Posts: 904 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: Midwest
Catwoman
♀ Member
Member # 1330
Default  Posted: 7:16 PM, July 1st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She is casting a wide net, isn't she?

I would, as unfair as it is, skip the meetup. If you take her at her word and go, dollars to donuts she will be there.

Step as far away from the crazy as possible. She cannot be trusted. You have to protect you.

Cat


FBS: Married 20 years, 2 daughters 25 and 22. Divorced by the grace of GOD.
D-Days: 2/23/93; 10/11/97; 3/5/03
Ex & OW Broke up 12-10
"An erection does not count as personal growth."

Posts: 29663 | Registered: Apr 2003 | From: Massachusetts
Chrysalis123
♀ Member
Member # 27148
Default  Posted: 7:27 PM, July 1st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with Cat in this situation. Step off the crazy train.


Don’t get to the end of your life and find that you lived only the length of it; live the width of it as well. 

Posts: 2708 | Registered: Jan 2010
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 8:02 PM, July 1st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It goes without saying that regardless of whether you attend or not, wacko gets nothing but crickets. Right?


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 25744 | Registered: Aug 2011
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 8:25 PM, July 1st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OK lets take this a small step at a time.

Rule number 1 - NIK is right, she gets crickets.. no matter what your decision is.

Did you meet her at this group? Is there any way for you to avoid signing up, or let the host/hostess know you want to attend, but things are strange with the weed-picking-stalker-lady. If you can go without tipping her off ahead of time, I think I would go. It sounds to me like she is fishing and unless she hears from you .. or sees that you are attending.. she isn't interested.

If you want to go... go.. just give her crickets the whole time. If cornered and asked a question, answer and move on. DO not engage. She knows a lot about you.. weed-picking-stalker-lady isn't going to go away. You have to deal with this sometime... you might as well start now.

Were you able to get the RO? I haven't been to the other thread yet, I came here first.

Hugs, This type of stuff gets me... you can't make someone love you... it is that simple. She needs to move on.

Be careful..


ETA check out this link.. take the test. It may help you figure out whether or not you want to go. https://www.mosaicmethod.com/

[This message edited by Kajem at 8:31 PM, July 1st (Monday)]


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5270 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
PanicAttack53
♂ Member
Member # 34195
Default  Posted: 8:33 PM, July 1st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks Cat & C123.

nik... yeah that's right. I was trying to figure out a way I could go and make this work. This group is really like SI only IRL. I've been involved with it since stbx left the end of Sept. last year. I'm also an assistant organizer so I'm kinda expected to show up. More than that though it's an anniversary of the groups start up. there will be about 120 ppl there. Many who I'd really love to see because they pulled me off a few cliffs in the beginning when I was a noob. I owe some of these ppl a lot and some of them I've developed real close friendships with. Aside from that... a part of me wants to just say F*UCK YOU to whacko and how dare you screw this very important meeting up for me!!!! I'm not gonna be stupid and I'll protect myself kwim? Plus, this meet is outdoors in a park where all our other meets are in a local libraries. We're also going to stay after the meet and have a cookout and just socialize with each other. Kind of like the SI GTG's but this one is he first.

I know I'm rambling and the smart thing would be to just not go. It so pisses me off that *she* gets to basically makes this decision for me cause shes so whacked out!

OK, now I'm just venting.

[This message edited by PanicAttack53 at 8:53 PM, July 1st (Monday)]


Me-BH Her-XWW | B/ 59 on D-day (11/17/11) | D final on 10/1/13 I'm Lovin' life again!
Rest of the story really doesn't matter any more.
“Realize deeply that the present moment is all you have.” ― Eckhart Tolle

Posts: 904 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: Midwest
kernel
♀ Member
Member # 27035
Default  Posted: 8:41 PM, July 1st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

While I agree that you have to protect yourself and that you should not respond to the whacko, I don't agree that you have to give up your activities. Make a plan for how to deal with her if she is there. Maybe clue in some of your friends and have them be your watchdogs. If she is there and gets out of hand, call the cops. That's what the RO is for - don't mess around, just let the cops handle it. I don't think you should have to give up your life because she is a whacko. So far she's been creepy and stalkerish but not violent so I don't see a reason to hide in your house. Just be smart about it, don't drink too much or leave your drink unattended, have your friends watch out for you. You know, the things that women always do!


"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good."

Posts: 5243 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Midwest
PanicAttack53
♂ Member
Member # 34195
Default  Posted: 8:46 PM, July 1st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It sounds to me like she is fishing and unless she hears from you .. or sees that you are attending.. she isn't interested.

Kajem, excellent point and honestly that's what I thought when I got the email. I even sent a text to the host of this (a very close friend of mine btw) that said just that i.e., that she was on a fishing expedition.

I know this sounds like male ego but I feel like if I don't go then she wins ya know. Plus like I said above... out of the 120 or so ppl that are attending, more than 3/4 of them are *my* friends not hers. I know if anything at all happened that they would have my back without question. I know I'm flip flopping here but the *only* reason I even considered *not* going was to save the group the drama of something possibly happening. Geez, I just reread that last sentence and it sounded so codependent again. I really have worked hard at that so it does bother me a bit.

As for the RO, I did go to the prosecutors office today and met with his asst. She filed a Civil Protection Order which is just a sexy way to say RO lol. Prob is that the whacko won't be served until Weds.

You know, the things that women always do!

Thanks kernel but I'm a guy. Will they do that for me too? Just kidding of course. Hey at least I still have my warped sense of humor.

[This message edited by PanicAttack53 at 8:53 PM, July 1st (Monday)]


Me-BH Her-XWW | B/ 59 on D-day (11/17/11) | D final on 10/1/13 I'm Lovin' life again!
Rest of the story really doesn't matter any more.
“Realize deeply that the present moment is all you have.” ― Eckhart Tolle

Posts: 904 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: Midwest
kernel
♀ Member
Member # 27035
Default  Posted: 9:03 PM, July 1st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

PA53, I know you're a guy. I just meant that you need to use the self-protective measures that women always have to use. Sorry if I wasn't clear! I'm sure your friends would be happy to have your back, or they wouldn't be your friends. And stop worrying about saving everyone from the whacko's drama. A lot of people really love someone else's drama.


"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good."

Posts: 5243 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Midwest
Take2
♀ Member
Member # 23890
Default  Posted: 11:15 PM, July 1st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not wanting to give up your territory is understandable. I'd be miffed at the idea of missing this function too, but I'm not sure what I'd do...

That said,I'm thinking she will show up, with the excuse that "Hey,you didn't sign up." (Seems like that is the built-in catch in her email: She tells you to sign up and she won't go if she doesn't hear from you.)

I also think that if you don't go - she is likely to show up on your doorstep.... So, you go, I'd go with other people, people who know the situation and would have your back. Either leave your car at home or at a friend's house, so she wouldn't see it there. Drive with friends (assuming they are willing to leave if you need to abruptly.)

With 120 witnesses she can't accuse you of assault if she does show up, so that is good. She could really embarrass herself, (and you perhaps, by association) by causing a scene - but that is the risk you would be accepting.

Now what we gals know about safety is rule 1 - stay in the herd. This first line of defense is why women go to the ladies room together. Second line of defense is having your gal pal pretend to be your lesbian lover to ward off unwelcomed advances... so... you see where I'm going with this...?

Seriously if you go - CYA best you can. But if you don't go - I wouldn't stay at home.


"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell...So, If fear was not a factor - what would you do?

Posts: 4133 | Registered: May 2009 | From: New England
thyme2go
♂ Member
Member # 12908
Default  Posted: 11:35 PM, July 1st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Don't go - the price you pay for getting into this relationship in such a rush. If you go and she shows up, there WILL be drama.

-t2g


BH - no longer 48
3 DD's - (27, 24 and 17)
Divorced on 8/6/09

Posts: 9188 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: Eastern Washington
PanicAttack53
♂ Member
Member # 34195
Default  Posted: 3:01 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Update:

Well I guess I'm not going after all. The host of this event (a very good friend of mine) just sent me a text telling me that the whacko contacted him asking what time everyone is setting up at the park. I'm positive she sees this as a perfect opportunity to jump me in front of other people about why I won't respond to her. The format of these meetings is that everyone gets a chance to talk and share what they're going through regarding all facets of divorce. If she wasn't able to corral me before the meeting started... I can just imagine what would happen when it was her turn to talk. I know she will most likely blow me up anyway if I'm not there, but at least if I'm not it won't turn into a bad soap opera. I have too much respect for the support this group offers ppl to jeopardize it with this recent baggage.

I so wish I had never met this woman!!!!!

[This message edited by PanicAttack53 at 3:02 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday)]


Me-BH Her-XWW | B/ 59 on D-day (11/17/11) | D final on 10/1/13 I'm Lovin' life again!
Rest of the story really doesn't matter any more.
“Realize deeply that the present moment is all you have.” ― Eckhart Tolle

Posts: 904 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: Midwest
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 3:12 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Can you tell the group leader what is going on and ask him to ban her?


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13801 | Registered: Jul 2011
Faithful w/Love
♀ Member
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 3:13 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It just amazes me how some woman are... makes me embarressed sometimes for the ones who are.... well.... normal!

I am sorry you are missing your meeting because of physco wacko.


Now I am pissed for you! (sorry)


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)38
DD 20 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
Separated again June 2014. Heading toward divorce.
False R. Still Lying.

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is all you have left"


Posts: 2791 | Registered: Aug 2011
PanicAttack53
♂ Member
Member # 34195
Default  Posted: 4:41 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Update:

OMG!!!! So now the whacko is texting the host saying that she doesn't know if she's coming or not lol. I texted him back and told him *sure* she doesn't know!!! She's fishing for info on whether I'm gonna be there or not. Unbelievable!!


Me-BH Her-XWW | B/ 59 on D-day (11/17/11) | D final on 10/1/13 I'm Lovin' life again!
Rest of the story really doesn't matter any more.
“Realize deeply that the present moment is all you have.” ― Eckhart Tolle

Posts: 904 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: Midwest
Catwoman
♀ Member
Member # 1330
Default  Posted: 7:58 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And you are surprised . . . why? This is why going dark is the best of moves. Otherwise, if she thinks she might be closing in or you might be relenting, the ante will be upped.

Best wayntomprevent the ante from being upped? Step outa of the freaking game.

Cat


FBS: Married 20 years, 2 daughters 25 and 22. Divorced by the grace of GOD.
D-Days: 2/23/93; 10/11/97; 3/5/03
Ex & OW Broke up 12-10
"An erection does not count as personal growth."

Posts: 29663 | Registered: Apr 2003 | From: Massachusetts
HappilyUnMarried
♀ Member
Member # 21299
Default  Posted: 8:01 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This same thing happened to a guy I know in a meetup group I belong to. Another wack-o stalker ex (not even girlfriend... they went out twice).

The guy ended up having a heart-to-heart with the meetup coordinators, telling them just the facts, and they dropped her from the group. Many groups have stated rules... Stalking is a big taboo.

[This message edited by HappilyUnMarried at 8:02 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday)]


True happiness comes from within, not from someone else.  Don’t make the mistake of waiting on someone or something to come along and make you happy

Posts: 1291 | Registered: Oct 2008
PanicAttack53
♂ Member
Member # 34195
Default  Posted: 12:52 AM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Final Update:

I'm alive everyone and I didn't go last night as the host was texting me heads up messages and cluing me in. Whacko did go and stayed the entire time. By buddy said she was acting crazy the whole night.... we *all* know why lol. I did have a nice night as I went out to see a friend that also couldn't go. She and I sat out on her deck, drank a bottle of wine and talked the night away. So it was a nice evening after all.


Me-BH Her-XWW | B/ 59 on D-day (11/17/11) | D final on 10/1/13 I'm Lovin' life again!
Rest of the story really doesn't matter any more.
“Realize deeply that the present moment is all you have.” ― Eckhart Tolle

Posts: 904 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: Midwest
thyme2go
♂ Member
Member # 12908
Default  Posted: 12:55 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I love being able to say "told you so"!! Good move - sounds like a nice evening.


BH - no longer 48
3 DD's - (27, 24 and 17)
Divorced on 8/6/09

Posts: 9188 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: Eastern Washington
lieshurt
♀ Member
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 1:43 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Panic, be sure and document everything where this nut is concerned. Every text, email, phone call, events she stalks you at, people she's contacted, etc...You may need it for future reference if she violates that order.

[This message edited by lieshurt at 1:44 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday)]


Walk away from anything or anyone who takes away your joy. Life is too short to put up with fools.

Posts: 13809 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
Topic Posts: 20

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