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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: "I can't make you love me if you don't"
ButterflyGirl
♀ Member
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 7:56 PM, July 1st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Heard this song tonight, and it made me cry. When will old and new stuff stop triggering me??

I can't wait for indifference. My head knows what's up. My heart still breaks for the loss of my dreams of being a family.

[This message edited by ButterflyGirl at 7:57 PM, July 1st (Monday)]


xBW~ 35
Two of the most darling sons ~ 10 and 6

Posts: 1991 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 8:50 PM, July 1st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((BG)))))


You can call me NIK

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.
- Plato


Posts: 24413 | Registered: Aug 2011
tryingagain74
♀ Member
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 9:13 PM, July 1st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm having a bad night myself. I hear ya.

(((ButterflyGirl)))


BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3537 | Registered: Oct 2011
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 10:35 PM, July 1st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I listened to Adele's version approximately 10 million times in the early days.

TBH I was listening to it in the months prior to DD. It helped me mourn my dead husband. Didn't matter that he didn't exist - I still needed to mourn him.

It's a beautiful song. There is no timeline for grief. It ramped up for me when I was DONE. I still get stung sometimes even today but it's OK. It used to be crippling but now it is cleansing.

((BG))

I had to stay away from music for a while. I remember thinking the radio and my iPod were against me.

I can laugh now but not at the time. You're going to be OK. It's OK to mourn, necessary even. I get mad at myself about it too but I am glad that I'm still a thinking, feeling being out of this.

Embracing my vulnerability for the first time in my life has been one of the greatest gifts out of this whole mess. I'm a better woman, mother, daughter and friend out of it.


Buzz- The word you are searching for is 'Space-Ranger.'
Woody- The word I'm searching for, I can't say, because there are Pre-school toys here.

Posts: 5403 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
MissMovingOn
♀ Member
Member # 30720
Default  Posted: 1:05 AM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My favorite playlists on 8tracks right now are "Fuck You, Loser", "Stop telling me what to do. Fuck.", and "The Ultimate Fuck Boys Playlist". Lots of good angry (not at all appropriate for work and small ears) get your bitch boots on tunes.

I can't listen to the radio right now at alllll...

Edited to fix my iPad typos

[This message edited by BWinBC at 1:10 AM, July 2nd (Tuesday)]


Me: BS, 34
Him: (SA/NPD)WH, 31
Multiple ddays since 2010 (Latest January 15th 2013) - not counting anymore!

Posts: 367 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: West Coast Canada
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 1:15 AM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There's a song by someone named Eammon (sp???) titled "Fuck You". Worked great for me. LOL

I have a whole list of songs that have helped me process this shitstorm. LOL


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9251 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
ButterflyGirl
♀ Member
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 7:08 AM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My sister made me 5 CDs of awesome, empowering songs, and I listen to them all the time..

I heard "I can't make you love me" while catching up on some "So You Think You Can Dance" episodes. I don't want to give up all my TV too!

I guess it's weird to hear all these songs I used to know and totally get the meaning now.. I guess like death, you never really understand things till they happen to you..


xBW~ 35
Two of the most darling sons ~ 10 and 6

Posts: 1991 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
lostmommy
♀ Member
Member # 33440
Default  Posted: 2:52 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I heard our wedding song on the radio last week and for the first time in almost 2 years, I didn't cry. Indifference happens. You'll get there. (((BG)))


Me (BS): 32, Mommy to J: 2 1/2 Divorced: 4/10/13
Sometimes you find yourself in the middle of nowhere, and sometimes, in the middle of nowhere, you find yourself

Posts: 485 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: NY
gypsybird87
♀ Member
Member # 39193
Default  Posted: 3:40 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have always loved that song, but haven't heard it recently. Thank goodness, because there is no way I could get through it without sobbing right now.

I love music and miss it so much!! It seems like everything is a trigger. Country- no way. Rock- too many bands we both loved and/or saw in concert together. 80s hair bands- his all-time fav music, and now I feel like I'll never be able to listen to it again without thinking of him. Pop/radio- the lyrics all speak to me in the worst way! Bruno Mars, Pink, Adele... I swear these people have it in for me, lol. Not long after D-day, when I was trying to get back into some sort of normal routine, I went to a Zumba class. Awesome, fun class, but the cool-down song at the end was "Try" by Pink. I ended up sobbing my way through the stretches. the instructor (a sweet young gal) was so concerned, and now uses a different song anytime I'm at her class. So kind of her, but it made me feel pitiful as hell.

Even some of my favorite relaxing music, no lyrics, new age or classical type stuff doesn't work. Anything that would normally sound relaxing to me now just skews SAD and makes me bawl.

Anyway, you're not alone, BG. I'll be so glad when I make it to indifference, especially where music is concerned. I know I'll get there but right now it seems a long way off.


Me: Looking forward to the future
Him: Left behind in the past

Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life. ~ JK Rowling


Posts: 660 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Oregon
soveryweary
♀ Member
Member # 32265
Default  Posted: 4:17 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((Butterfly))


Divorced 1/3/14

Posts: 603 | Registered: May 2011
realitybites
♀ Member
Member # 6908
Default  Posted: 4:33 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I love Bonnie Rait and her original version of this song. That album/CD won multiple grammys. If you ever get a chance download the whole thing. Made me cry too but so powerful. She was a strong woman who is really saying she won't be treated that way anymore even though I love you.

Talented woman.


Posts: 5607 | Registered: Apr 2005 | From: florida
fallingquickly
♀ Member
Member # 36599
Default  Posted: 2:18 AM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hugs, BG. I know that feeling.


This:

I had to stay away from music for a while. I remember thinking the radio and my iPod were against me.

So true. I stopped listening to the radio after DD and listened to books on CD while driving. It was very helpful and I didn't fall apart sobbing in the car which I feel must have been a good thing. No accidents.

ETA: Bonnie Raitt is fabulous. I took my mom to see her in concert many years ago. Such a smokey, soulful voice.

[This message edited by fallingquickly at 2:20 AM, July 3rd (Wednesday)]


Me-BW 50
Him-STBXWH

2 Ddays and lots of TT
divorcing

Scars remind us where we've been. They don't have to dictate where we're going. (Criminal Minds)

I saw him, I could not unsee him. -StrongButBroken


Posts: 453 | Registered: Aug 2012
Athena1979
♀ Member
Member # 39393
Default  Posted: 2:10 PM, July 4th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is why I don't listen to music.

When people ask me what music I listen to, I say I don't listen to music.

They think I'm crazy.

But music is incredibly powerful. It can bring back memories of where you were, who you were with, what you were doing, everything.

At least, it does that for me.

The radio scares me because I don't know what is going to start playing that will trigger memories.


Married 11/11/11
Together since 3/2005
2 kids
D-day 12/27/12
D-day 4/12/13
D-day 6/26/13
God keeps the devil on a short leash. God will never give you more than you can handle.

Posts: 111 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Athena1979
Linus1968
♂ Member
Member # 31243
Default  Posted: 2:28 PM, July 4th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That is why I use my iPhone to listen to music. I get to pick and choose what I want to here. Sometime AC/DC and Iron Maiden to jam when angry. Sometime Fleetwood Mac and Enya to morn. A lot of 80s to forget. Sometime Mormon Tabernacle Choir to help cope. I am able to control the triggers.
(((Butterfly)))

You're an interesting species, an interesting mix. You're capable of such beautiful dreams and such horrible nightmares. You feel so lost, so cut off, so alone, only you're not. See, in all our searching, the only thing we've found that makes the emptiness bearable is each other. - Contact


Me: Me
Her: Multiple men, multiple times, OC with the latest one
S: 15, D:14
May 27, 2014 DIVORCED!!!
In the words of Dory "Whew, I'm glad I got that off my chest."

Posts: 236 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Hell, and my X is the mayor (FL)
Take2
♀ Member
Member # 23890
Default  Posted: 3:06 PM, July 4th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I remember that song - maybe if it were named: "I can't make you love me if you don't know what it means..."

In the meantime Bonnie Raitt's Valley of Pain fits the bill.


"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell...So, If fear was not a factor - what would you do?

Posts: 4112 | Registered: May 2009 | From: New England
fraeuken
♀ Member
Member # 30742
Default  Posted: 3:56 PM, July 4th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Happened to come across this little gem from Madonna today; not too crazy about the actual music but the lyrics are great:

She is not me

I should have seen the sign way back then
When she told me that you were her best friend
And now she's rolling, rolling, rolling
And you were stolen, stolen, stolen

She started dressing like me and talking like me
It freaked me out
She started calling you up in the middle of the night
What's that about?

I just want to be there when you discover
When you wake up next to your new lover
She might cook you breakfast and love you in the shower
The flavor of the moment, cause she don't have what's ours

She's not me
She doesn't have my name
She'll never have what I have
It won't be the same
It won't be the same

I should have seen the sign when you were here
Under a different light, it's all so clear
She was stealing, stealing, stealing
And now you're feeling, feeling, feeling

She started dyeing her hair and
Wearing the same perfume as me
She started reading my books
And stealing my looks and lingerie

I just want to be there when you discover
You wake up in the morning next to your new lover
She might cook you breakfast and love you in the shower
The thrill is momentary, cause she don't have what's ours

She's not me
She doesn't have my name
She'll never have what I have
It won't be the same
It won't be the same

She is licking her lips
And she's batting her eyes
She's not me
She's got legs up to there
And such beautiful hair
She's not me
Oh, devoted for life
Make a beautiful wife
She's not me
If you spend some more time
I guarantee you will find
She's not me

I know I can do it better

If someone wants to pimp your style
And hang with you a little while
And make off with all the things you like
You're gonna have to watch it

She's not me
She doesn't have my name
She'll never have what I have
It won't be the same
It won't be the same

Never let you forget
She's not me
She's not me, and she never will be

Never let you forget
She's not me
She's not me, and she never will be

[Pharrell's rap]

She's not me
She's not me
She's not me, and she never will be
She's not me
She's not me
She's not me, and she never will be
She never will be
Never will be
Never will be
Never will be
Never will be
Never will be

Never will be...

She's not me and never will be
Never will be...


Temporarily independent with the whole world at my feet.

Posts: 1229 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: California
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 4:53 PM, July 4th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

maybe if it were named: "I can't make you love me if you don't know what it means..."

I like this!


Me: 43, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5587 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
Topic Posts: 17

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