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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Waiting
stilllovemywife
♂ Member
Member # 32910
Default  Posted: 12:53 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had a great big piece of cake.........well actually 2!!!!! LOL

Big boy boots.......I found them yesterday. I put one on, now I'm working on getting the other on and I'm not touching the stove.

Now if I could hit the lottery and have a lot of money, I would be good to go. Money is what holds me back most. I have no means to move. I have no way of getting another place for my son and I to stay. No family in the state except my brother who really has nothing and rents a room. If I had the means, things would be different.

Just feel like I am stuck for now. Not so much waiting for her, but waiting for my opportunity to break free. Waiting for that opportunity to make money so I am able to change my situation. It's just a matter of time.

It's too bad too. Life could have been amazing for us and our son.

Now we pick up the pieces and attempt to move on.


Posts: 113 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: United States
stilllovemywife
♂ Member
Member # 32910
Default  Posted: 12:53 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had a great big piece of cake.........well actually 2!!!!! LOL

Big boy boots.......I found them yesterday. I put one on, now I'm working on getting the other on and I'm not touching the stove.

Now if I could hit the lottery and have a lot of money, I would be good to go. Money is what holds me back most. I have no means to move. I have no way of getting another place for my son and I to stay. No family in the state except my brother who really has nothing and rents a room. If I had the means, things would be different.

Just feel like I am stuck for now. Not so much waiting for her, but waiting for my opportunity to break free. Waiting for that opportunity to make money so I am able to change my situation. It's just a matter of time.

It's too bad too. Life could have been amazing for us and our son.

Now we pick up the pieces and attempt to move on.


Posts: 113 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: United States
myownmaster
♂ New Member
Member # 35317
Default  Posted: 1:05 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wait, so she knows you know that she's still screwing the other guy? And she also claims she cares? And also thinks her wishing you a happy bday should mean something? That is twisted (can't imagine how talk around the dinner table is). Not familiar to your story, but do you guys treat your relationship more as an agreement to be roommates and seeing others is fair game? Or does she just accept that she's being awful and will continue to do so until you decide to leave her?

Posts: 46 | Registered: Apr 2012
stilllovemywife
♂ Member
Member # 32910
Default  Posted: 1:28 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Its pretty much the latter of the 2. I am seeing no one. And it is sick. It is twisted. Yes she knows. Her boyfriend has called me. Not once, not twice, but 4 or 5 times. I know where he lives. He has been to my house. He has met my son. He went to an event with my wife and son while I sat home alone.(I found that out later) Of course for her, it's me that has caused all this. I am mean, I talk down to her, I stopped having sex with her. And she is right about the sex thing. I was depressed. I was under the care of a physician, on medication, depressed. In sickness and in health? Nope. Not here. I've pretty much moved on from the why. I will never truly know why. She is a pathological liar. She has lied to everyone in her life. EVERYONE.

[This message edited by stilllovemywife at 1:29 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday)]


Posts: 113 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: United States
wert
♂ Member
Member # 34478
Default  Posted: 1:28 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Still...

I hope you had a nice b-day and did one good thing for yourself. You got some great advice here...

I would like for you to challenge an assumption you have. Do you really love your W? What does love mean to you? From what you describe there is not much there to love anymore...You deserve better and the only person that will make it better for you is....drum roll....you! Start doing it now.....
I wish you the best....Take care...

[This message edited by wert at 1:30 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday)]



Posts: 1415 | Registered: Jan 2012
karmahappens
♀ Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 1:30 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I understand the money issues....start to detach emotionally and make a plan.

This emotional fuckery is not good for you.

(((hugs)))


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3774 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
stilllovemywife
♂ Member
Member # 32910
Default  Posted: 1:36 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Karma - That is exactly what I am doing. Some days are tougher than others. Yesterday was one of those.

There are things I have learned to do on my own. There are ways that I have moved on in my life since I have found out.

As for what "Love" means for me, and do I truly love my wife? Well, what I can say is this: I love the person I married all those years ago. I love her with all my heart and soul and would do anything for her. But the person I married disappeared and was replaced by some alien that resembles her. If you see that person I married, tell her I miss her an d I love her and I can't wait to see her again. To hold her again. To kiss her again and see her smile.

I will always love that person I married. She will always be special to me and hold a place in my heart.

Love = respect. It means sharing in the joys and the sorrows life throws at us. It means having each others backs and protecting each others hearts. It means honesty and sacrifice and hard work. It means being a part of the most amazing thing on Earth. It means respecting other opinions and views and even being enthusiastic about things you don't like but are important to your beloved. It means not holding back or being afraid. It means trusting and sharing and caring. It means good and happy. It means no pain. Love to me means growing old together. It means retirement and Dr's appointments and grandkids. It means planning financially together to achieve those goals. It means being able to look into her eyes and see love. To see a sparkle. It means to sleep on her side of the bed when she is gone so I can still smell her scent. It means DVRing that movie on TV that I like but am missing because I had to work late. It means grabbing that package of oreo's (which i love) as a treat for me when she is doing the shopping or me grabbing that fudgy chocolatey nutty carmely ice cream she likes when I shop. Love is the little things like that that let your beloved know you were on their mind. It's the quick "just wanted to say Hi" texts you get throughout the day or the goofy pictures of something along with a text saying "Saw this and thought of you".

Thats what love is to me. Special. Unending. Undying. True love.

[This message edited by stilllovemywife at 1:47 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday)]


Posts: 113 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: United States
myownmaster
♂ New Member
Member # 35317
Default  Posted: 2:21 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Has she made it clear to you that she has no interest ever trying to make it work with you? That it's either leave or accept this as your life? Or are you hesitant right now to even find out?

Of course most people here are hoping you will have the means to leave her, but I was just wondering if you've tried to reconcile and how long ago did that attempt end.

Also, why hasn't she left you yet?

[This message edited by myownmaster at 2:23 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday)]


Posts: 46 | Registered: Apr 2012
stilllovemywife
♂ Member
Member # 32910
Default  Posted: 2:37 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No. She says she wants to make it work. That has been the story for 2 years. It's my fault. I let it happen. I set boundaries and rules and I didn't stick to my guns when they were broken. I didn't have the means to leave then and don't now. She says she wants to work it out and insists that she is not lying and she is not seeing anyone else. I know better because I see the signs. She tells me she is going to Yoga 2 times a week. I call the place she tells me she is taking Yoga at on a night she claims to be there and guess what? No Yoga classes here. She tells me she is not talking to anyone or seeing anyone, but literally every time I pick up her phone and check it, there are conversations with the same guy. And so on and so on. It's quite disgusting actually and sitting here realizing what I am writing is making me sick to my stomach.

And she hasn't left because she says she can't live without me. The thought of me not being in her life is too much for her to bear.

[This message edited by stilllovemywife at 2:38 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday)]


Posts: 113 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: United States
sri624
♀ Member
Member # 33956
Default  Posted: 3:35 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

happy birthday...sending you lots of hugs and support.


BS (41):(Former Doormat)
WS (39):(Busted Cheater)
Married: 10 years, 3 kids under 5
DD1: 10/11 PA/EA with pilates instructor/former stripper.
DD2: 10/12 False r, cheating with other women, online dating,Substance abuse issues.
Attempting R in bi

Posts: 916 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: Alabama
still2suspicious
♀ Member
Member # 31722
Default  Posted: 6:27 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Still,

Happy Belated Birthday! Glad you got your cake.

By reading just this thread I am so sorry. NO ONE should be treated this way. NO ONE!!

You stated you don't have the financial means to move right now. Have you taken the advice that is given here, almost always to the women, that you need to start socking the $$ away? Can you put $5 a week something hidden? You'd be amazed at how fast it starts to add up. I started it a while ago, and now my goal, every week, is to get H to spend HIS money first! That way I can save mine!!

I cannot imagine being with my H, after finding out of the A, and knowing he is still active! 2 yrs later??

Sending strength to you Still. And (((hugs)))


Me: BS
Him: WH
DDay: LTEA

Posts: 1265 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From:
Dare2Trust
♀ Member
Member # 21183
Default  Posted: 6:12 PM, July 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

stilllovemywife,

I'm immensely sorry for the pain you are going through.

You stated:

I still struggle daily with what has happened. I'm still trying to figure out the why. Saddest part is I know it is still going on. I know they still sleep together and I know they still talk daily. I feel inadequate and paralyzed to do anything about it.

Can I ask:
Why are you posting in the Reconciliation forum - when your wife is engaging in an ongoing adulterous affair?

Again, I'm so sorry you continue to deal with a serial cheating wife.


Me BS 59
WH 58
Married 19 years
D-Day Nov 3, 2005
Child: Adopted Daughter 21 College Student now

I can understand being alone; but I hate being with someone and feeling lonely.


Posts: 6113 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Texas
Topic Posts: 32
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