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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: can they leave and take all the money
ButterflyGirl
♀ Member
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 5:20 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So sorry what this unbelievable FuckTard is doing to you.. Hugs..

Isn't there a rule about only being able to take half out of the accounts??


xBW~ 35
Two of the most darling sons ~ 10 and 7

Posts: 2096 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
Take2
♀ Member
Member # 23890
Default  Posted: 5:48 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So do you think he's plan is to just disappear? Good Riddance to bad trash!! But, wouldn't be convinced that he didn't make a copy of the key - not after this crappy move!

When you go to the lawyer ask about the debt - and if the courts will make him pay it? (I can't imagine how they can get you your cash back... because it is cash.)

Find out if you can move that debt to an interest free card and still show it as half his. Is he on your health insurance? Is his car on your policy ? Ask the Atty. if you can get him off...? (I think what I did was open up my own policy - which removed me from the joint policy)

Look into restructuring the debt as soon as you can, and pay minimum in the meantime. (Check out special offers -- AAA will give you 12 months at zero percent financing on transfers for example - 4%fee...) It's a start.

And keep an eye on your credit - if he has your SS#!!!


"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell...So, If fear was not a factor - what would you do?

Posts: 4112 | Registered: May 2009 | From: New England
lifestoshort
♀ Member
Member # 18442
Default  Posted: 6:44 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

thank you!! will look into the card this asap. I have so much on my plate and trying to get ready for a court case in next 2 weeks with needing to email the guy info tonight, plus this and work today and this whole week, and my kids... yeah right. i am also getting in counseling tomorrow in the morning and lawyer at 2.

he refuses to contact me but he has contacted my friends hubby. he is military too. the guy is really good at talking and calming people down so perhaps i will get the money back or him to talk to me and we can work out a deal here.
friend is textn me that her hubby is barely getting in a word cause my H is talking a ton!

I think his plan was to run off with everything he had and my money... leaving no trace to find him so no debt to him and no way to divorce him. he gets benefits for being married thru military too.

its odd, there are things missing like notebooks with my notes in it (not anything he would use) and yet he left all traces of this state here. (like his ortho stuff) he left the business cards for school, dentist and such all here in plain view. so i suppose thats a hint.

I will find out what he says in a bit after the guy is done talking to him. im sure it wont be much other than my H ranting and saying how he did so much. they've known me 10 yrs tho so they know I am short patienced but also loyal and of sound mind.

[This message edited by lifestoshort at 6:49 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday)]


6/07 EX had several Emotional/sexual A
FALSE Reconciles. cheats again. D 5/09
2013- 10 month marriage &D to friend. he was a lyin, freeloadn biploar mess.
NOW? Living my life and loving it.


Posts: 691 | Registered: Mar 2008
lifestoshort
♀ Member
Member # 18442
Default  Posted: 6:47 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

oh and yes, I believe in our state you are only allowed to take half any assets or you get in trouble thru court and ordered to repay it back. I suppose I can show how I accumulated that money and how its missing now.
BUT I just gave him $1800 for his teeth so I feel I get all the money. I need it to pay bills that he wont be paying (unless I fight and court and can get him to pay those too) i just hate fighting and I hate court.


6/07 EX had several Emotional/sexual A
FALSE Reconciles. cheats again. D 5/09
2013- 10 month marriage &D to friend. he was a lyin, freeloadn biploar mess.
NOW? Living my life and loving it.


Posts: 691 | Registered: Mar 2008
homewrecked2011
♀ Member
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 7:15 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tomorrow when you see the atty, ask him if you can go get a loan NOW somewhere before you file for a D. THEN, you will have some money to live on.

Also, you have children. If you go right away online and apply for SNAP and TANF you will get some $$$ to help you thru this time. I know it is NOT what you are used to, but what happened to me was, I got loans to try to buy food and keep everything going in my home. Finally, when the legal separation was filed, I was really struggling so I went to the food stamp (snap) office. They told me I would have gotten 580.00 a month in SNAP--food stamps as an emergency situation when my WH walked out on the two children and I. That is what those programs are for!

Your husband leaving, taking all your money is an emergency situation.

You can apply online.

Also, ask the atty if filing the papers would keep XH out of your home. It did in my case. Until they were filed at the courthouse, I could do nothing to stop him. Ask the atty, you can go to the courthouse and file the legal separation papers by yourself. In my state it's 50.00 but it is waived for circumstances like this.

[This message edited by homewrecked2011 at 7:17 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday)]


me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 2051 | Registered: Jan 2012
peridot
♀ Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 7:48 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If he's military I would go speak to whoever is over him and let them know what he's done. Maybe they can do something.


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4744 | Registered: Feb 2008
lifestoshort
♀ Member
Member # 18442
Default  Posted: 8:25 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

he's out of military but he;s getting benefits for me and my kids so I will have to call to say we are seperated now.

I will file legal sep tomorrow I guess. no way to serve him. sounds like he canceled his phone now too.

he spoke to my friend and they said he just calmly stated what his view and feelings were and that HE was done and i could sue his ass for any money he took. he said he only took enough to get him by and start a life over. BS, he took every last dollar!

he will not tell anyone where he is. but the phone was quiet in background so I assume he was in hotel. (I just called and it says the person you are trying to reach is not available) i have a feeling he will disconnect that too soon. he may be driving out of state soon. he said whatever is left at the house I can keep. great, nothing of value.

plus he took the suv! i have no way to serve him papers.

he has one bank thats 3 hrs away, i cannot access it or i would take the money out. gah.

i have cried so much tonight. my eyes are swollen and red. my heart hurts and I am feeling everything in the book. so incredibly hurt.


[This message edited by lifestoshort at 8:29 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday)]


6/07 EX had several Emotional/sexual A
FALSE Reconciles. cheats again. D 5/09
2013- 10 month marriage &D to friend. he was a lyin, freeloadn biploar mess.
NOW? Living my life and loving it.


Posts: 691 | Registered: Mar 2008
lifestoshort
♀ Member
Member # 18442
Default  Posted: 2:14 AM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

i slept a couple hrs and now up at 2am worrying and wondering.

id like to get a hold of one of his ex's now to see if he pulled the same stuff with her. all i know is her first name right now but if I riffle thru some paperwork, I may be able to find her last name.


6/07 EX had several Emotional/sexual A
FALSE Reconciles. cheats again. D 5/09
2013- 10 month marriage &D to friend. he was a lyin, freeloadn biploar mess.
NOW? Living my life and loving it.


Posts: 691 | Registered: Mar 2008
lifestoshort
♀ Member
Member # 18442
Default  Posted: 8:59 AM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

omg last night was terrible. little sleep and I look like hell.
off to counselors, trying to decide if I should file for separation today on my own or wait till I talk to atty. I would be filing alone anyway to save money then use them to get money back when needed. we have a 4 month wait for divorce anyway here.
if he moved out of state he cannot file against me till he lives there so long.

I am just worried cause I was thinking of charging stuff up needed on cards and then file so when bills go to court he has to pay from date or sep till then?
im not talking a tv, like toiletries, and the things you need each month from target.

also, I dont have aaa so i cannot get a loan for that, but wondering if there is any other card that may let me roll over these bigger debts. (its 3K total) but my house taxes for instance MUST be paid by July 31 or I incrue $100 fee even if I am 3 days late. did that last yr and it was a hefty fine.


6/07 EX had several Emotional/sexual A
FALSE Reconciles. cheats again. D 5/09
2013- 10 month marriage &D to friend. he was a lyin, freeloadn biploar mess.
NOW? Living my life and loving it.


Posts: 691 | Registered: Mar 2008
lifestoshort
♀ Member
Member # 18442
Default  Posted: 9:09 AM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Va replied and he will get his benefits for my kids (we have none together) till divorce occurrs. what the fuck. well he's living good then! even if he had not takn my money hed be doing just fine.


6/07 EX had several Emotional/sexual A
FALSE Reconciles. cheats again. D 5/09
2013- 10 month marriage &D to friend. he was a lyin, freeloadn biploar mess.
NOW? Living my life and loving it.


Posts: 691 | Registered: Mar 2008
7yrsflushed
♂ Member
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 9:11 AM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

he left me the house keys. i could change the locks but know he wont come back. way he made it sound, he will never ever see me again or speak to me.
Please change the locks. There is nothing saying he didn't make copies and if he has stolen from you once before he IS capable of doing it again. This will especially be true when he gets in a bind or runs out of cash. Don't be surpised if when he does run out of cash he tries to come back to you either. Repeat after me F.T.G.!!

Take care of yourself and lock up any valuables you may have or things you wouldn't want him to take or better yet take them to one of your close relatives house that knows what's going on and is on your side. If he decides to break in you at least know he can't get your most cherished things.

[This message edited by 7yrsflushed at 9:15 AM, July 3rd (Wednesday)]


D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
D hopefully official any day now, off to check the mail again.

Posts: 1894 | Registered: May 2011 | From: VA
devistatedmom
♀ Member
Member # 24961
Default  Posted: 9:23 AM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Life, take a breath. I know that feeling, panic, and not knowing what to do. But you know what? The FIRST thing you need to do right now is talk to a lawyer. You need to know the laws about any charges you make on a cc right now, you need to know the laws about how to get the money back from him, you need to know if you can sue for the benefits...

Talk to a lawyer. Draw up a plan of action. Take a breath, then do what you need to do.Lawyer first.


BS(me) 46, Two wonderful teens.
He is no longer my best friend. Repeat until it sticks.

WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.


Posts: 5416 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Canada
itainteasy
♀ Member
Member # 31094
Default  Posted: 11:30 AM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That SUV was half yours, right?

Call and report it stolen.


Posts: 3355 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: NWPA
lifestoshort
♀ Member
Member # 18442
Default  Posted: 3:30 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

UPDATE: lots happened today. no word from him tho

sat in crisis center for 2 hrs bawling my head off about being robbed and having feelings I didnt know how to deal with. then I had a counselor appt so by then I was able to talk normally. then I had a lawyer appt and he said, he is VA, so he will get garnished 50% if he took 50% your work money. get a legal separation stat, a temp hearing and make sure he gets all half bills from that date prior to part his. he also cannot sell car cause its marital property. as far as cash, I am able to show where it came from and half of it was from a ring so he has to pay that back in full. but the work money is legally his half.
2. he cannot sell the car or he is in contempt of court.

if i cannot find him, I just publish his info in the paper and send a letter to my house hoping it forwarded to where he is. if he doesnt show up, I may win more cause he simply didnt show up.

3. i could file for divorce but it may piss him off more so they said even if I did sep then div, it would be 4 months till final hearing. best if I do it myself to save $200 and this lawyers fee was $1500.

i also talked to him about my child support case coming up and he'd do it for $750 BUT he cannot make that court date so the bad is, I dont get that done and over with but he did seem confident about it and has been doing this a long time. he was aggressive but carried himself well and is ok with me saving some money by doing a little work. his office is also a bit closure to me. so if I hire him for the child support case (not related to this situation) i would save $500 so thats lets on my card and maybe can make ends meet.

he also told me to ONLY pay minimums so he will be forced to pay half the other. yay.

i feel a tad better cause I have info but I am very emotional and it just keeps flowing. counselor said I had armour on from all the stuff that happened this yr and I just could not hold it together anymore. I broke.

counselor appt next monday.

I let my H know I hired an atty and that shit just got ugly.


6/07 EX had several Emotional/sexual A
FALSE Reconciles. cheats again. D 5/09
2013- 10 month marriage &D to friend. he was a lyin, freeloadn biploar mess.
NOW? Living my life and loving it.


Posts: 691 | Registered: Mar 2008
lifestoshort
♀ Member
Member # 18442
Default  Posted: 6:33 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

i sent an email with a tracer in it to see his location and if he has read my mail. no die. its been an hr and he hasnt looked at it. hoping he does soon tho!


6/07 EX had several Emotional/sexual A
FALSE Reconciles. cheats again. D 5/09
2013- 10 month marriage &D to friend. he was a lyin, freeloadn biploar mess.
NOW? Living my life and loving it.


Posts: 691 | Registered: Mar 2008
lifestoshort
♀ Member
Member # 18442
Default  Posted: 9:08 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

last update for tonight. the texts and emails I sent are not going to him. he must have canceled everything. I called
the phone place and his cell number is disconnected. so the lawyer info that should scare the f out of him is not getting to him. he has dropped off the face of the earth which means I will be screwed out of all bills and money. 2. then I hope he is caught because they said if they cannot serve him they will put out a warrant for his arrest to bring him to court.

im hoping i can get his car ins canceled soon. and I plan to file a missing persons report and the suv as stolen.

omg. he has gone military hiding.


6/07 EX had several Emotional/sexual A
FALSE Reconciles. cheats again. D 5/09
2013- 10 month marriage &D to friend. he was a lyin, freeloadn biploar mess.
NOW? Living my life and loving it.


Posts: 691 | Registered: Mar 2008
peridot
♀ Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 12:57 AM, July 4th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Does the suv have some sort of gps tracking device in it? Does it have one of those things dealers put in the vehicle to make it not start if you miss a payment? If so, contact them and have them block the car from starting.

Does he have any friends or famliy you can contact?


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4744 | Registered: Feb 2008
homewrecked2011
♀ Member
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 1:34 AM, July 4th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I basically stayed in the shower for the first 2 months. Every time I stressed out like you I'd go take a shower till the hot water ran out.....

I am so happy you saw atty.

You will get thru this.

We will be here to help you, as others helped us during those dark days....


me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 2051 | Registered: Jan 2012
homewrecked2011
♀ Member
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 1:34 AM, July 4th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I basically stayed in the shower for the first 2 months. Every time I stressed out like you I'd go take a shower till the hot water ran out.....

I am so happy you saw atty.

You will get thru this.

We will be here to help you, as others helped us during those dark days....


me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 2051 | Registered: Jan 2012
homewrecked2011
♀ Member
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 1:36 AM, July 4th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DO NOT WARN HIM AGAIN ABOUT THE ATTY!!!

He is not thinking like a rational person and if he goes into hiding, it'll be hard to get $, right?

Let him get served. Then tell him you got an atty!!!! LOL

This is how we do it!


me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 2051 | Registered: Jan 2012
Topic Posts: 45
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