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New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: He said this... and it turned me on
want_to_forgive
♀ Member
Member # 20470
Default  Posted: 5:04 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Things are going well with the guy I have been seeing (ex-best friend of ex-husband, I know, it’s twisted.)

So last night near the end of a two hour phone conversation, out of the blue, he says: “Want_To_Forgive, I think you need someone who is tender with you, but also firm and strong.”

Why did I find this statement sexy as hell? I mean seriously, if he had been with me I think I would have jumped on him. Should I be concerned that I am turned on by such a blatantly anti-feminist statement?

Or is it OK that I do want that, a manly man who respects and treasures me but I can allow to take the lead?


M 11 years
Me: BS 38 Him: WS
DDay June 2006, LTA BFFOW
Divorced April 5, 2013
Not making a decision is making a decision.

Posts: 534 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Alaska
newnormal
♀ Member
Member # 21925
Default  Posted: 5:13 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh my! I got excited just reading tbose words.


BS 43 (me)
FWH 48
D-day 9/07

Dont retreat, reload.
"Pull that knife out of your back - and sever the fuel line to that bus you got thrown under" Bufffalo


Posts: 1030 | Registered: Dec 2008
Crescita
♀ Member
Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 5:21 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I see nothing blatantly anti feminist about that at all. Independence and equality doesn't mean you want a cold, wishy-washy, pushover for a partner. Tender, yet firm and strong is quite ideal whether you are male or female.

Posts: 2969 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
seekingright2013
♀ Member
Member # 37991
Default  Posted: 5:22 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I also want a manly man who is kind, loving, and yet knows his own mind and can make wise decisions.

Maybe this means I need more time in IC !!


BSO, 53
exWSO, who cares
DD: 11/18/12
DD2: 11/21/12
Kicked him to the curb 11/21/12
“I tramp a perpetual journey.”
― Walt Whitman, Song of Myself

Posts: 116 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Red State SE US
want_to_forgive
♀ Member
Member # 20470
Default  Posted: 5:27 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LOL you guys, maybe I am totally over analyzing this. It was the "firm" part that I was questioning... but you are right, I don't want someone I can push around. And firm doesn't mean that he will push me around, just that he will, well, be firm. I like firm.


M 11 years
Me: BS 38 Him: WS
DDay June 2006, LTA BFFOW
Divorced April 5, 2013
Not making a decision is making a decision.

Posts: 534 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Alaska
heartbroken_kk
♀ Member
Member # 22722
Default  Posted: 6:59 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

MMMMMmmmm! FIRM. I like firm too.

(cough)

Back on the bus for me


BW then 46, STBXWHNPDPAFTG the destroyer of my entire life.
D-Day 1 1999, D-Day 2,3,4,5,6... 2009 thru 2011.

Separated, divorcing, moving on.
I edit because I always make typos.


Posts: 1006 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: California
ladies_first
♀ Member
Member # 24643
Default  Posted: 7:03 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm all for sweet words and summer promises, but you know what we say: ACTIONS that match the words.


"We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us." ~J. Campbell
"In the final analysis, it is your own attitude that will make or break you, not what has happened to you." ~D. Galloway

Posts: 2113 | Registered: Jun 2009
Sad in AZ
♀ Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 7:08 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You lost me at firm; that smacks of control to me, and this reforming control freak would not be interested...


I promise to surround myself with amazing souls and love them fiercely.

Posts: 19176 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
HappilyUnMarried
♀ Member
Member # 21299
Default  Posted: 7:48 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think you need someone who is tender with you, but also firm and strong.

I don't see this as particularly controlling or anti-feminist at all. I think it's pretty sexy... And I think it can work for either sex.

My translation: someone who you can rely upon when the going gets tough to be there for you emotionally and help support and guide you.

I have it now with my SO. I never had it with my XH. When I need him to help me make a decision, he will. When I need him to lay back, he will. I just know I can rely on him if all fails. It's a great feeling.


True happiness comes from within, not from someone else.  Don’t make the mistake of waiting on someone or something to come along and make you happy

Posts: 1291 | Registered: Oct 2008
inconnu
♀ Member
Member # 24518
Default  Posted: 8:22 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's probably just the choice of word, and not the context of what was said, but I'm with SiA. A man telling me I needed a man who would be firm with me? Huge turn-off.


Say what you wanna say and let the words fall out...honestly
I wanna see you be brave

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than, less than perfect


Posts: 11988 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: TX
OnceInALifetime
♂ Member
Member # 26023
Default  Posted: 9:58 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tender, firm and strong: very paternal, no?


BH, now divorced

Posts: 3012 | Registered: Oct 2009
InnerLight
♀ Member
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 10:03 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well you can't get it on without being firm. It sounds like he was talking about the act itself. No wonder it was a turn on.


Here's to A New Life of Excellent Health, Financial Abundance, Nature's Beauty, Amazing Art and Personal Creativity, with Love, Beauty and Peace All Around Us.

Posts: 5546 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: United States
OnceInALifetime
♂ Member
Member # 26023
Default  Posted: 10:09 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

^^^

And, er, what am I doing in this thread, anyway? It's like I walked into the ladies room and started chatting...

[This message edited by OnceInALifetime at 10:10 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday)]


BH, now divorced

Posts: 3012 | Registered: Oct 2009
want_to_forgive
♀ Member
Member # 20470
Default  Posted: 10:42 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Onceinalifetime, paternal? That wasn't the feeling I got from the statement. It was a little more like sexy cave man meets modern day sweet heart. This guy has got me thinking about him all the time, but I am trying hard to be smart and cautious.


M 11 years
Me: BS 38 Him: WS
DDay June 2006, LTA BFFOW
Divorced April 5, 2013
Not making a decision is making a decision.

Posts: 534 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Alaska
want_to_forgive
♀ Member
Member # 20470
Default  Posted: 10:55 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sad and inconnu, you picked up on the part that has me second guessing myself. I am woman hear me roar... Lol. I will watch his actions, so far they have been very sweet. He is very complimentary and has done some HUGE favors for me without being asked since we started seeing each other. But, he is 45 and has been single more than in a relationship since he got divorced when he was 24. He says he has just been waiting for someone like me, that I am one in a million for him. That actually scares me that I won't live up to his expectations.


M 11 years
Me: BS 38 Him: WS
DDay June 2006, LTA BFFOW
Divorced April 5, 2013
Not making a decision is making a decision.

Posts: 534 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Alaska
torn2bits
♀ Member
Member # 28376
Default  Posted: 1:09 AM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Want.... Those words are sexy to me. Ya know sometimes when its just "bedroom talk" its very sexy where actions don't need to match words except well....

Anyway, you would know if he. Was being bedroom playful with the roles.


Me: 44/WH (SA): 49
M: 24 years 3 kids over 10 yrs old
EA/ PA Dec. 2009 -Divorce pending

Posts: 1240 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: Midwest
fraeuken
♀ Member
Member # 30742
Default  Posted: 3:27 AM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Don't overthink it and see what his actions are. In my experience, my XH would say similar things but for him it meant being controlling and making sure I always felt a bit insecure about myself. With my SO, it is a whole different experience. He acts like a true man and I don't mind him taking the lead at times.


Temporarily independent with the whole world at my feet.

Posts: 1160 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: California
stronger08
♂ Member
Member # 16953
Default  Posted: 5:48 AM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As was said don't try and read into it too much. Lets face it here friends. We all need someone who is firm with us when we need them to be. All jokes aside, I cant count the number of times I would be off doing something that was really stupid. And if I had someone to pull back a bit my life would have been better for it. IMHO that's what a real loving relationship is. A SO is the Ying to your Yang. They balance and complete you. When your off your game they pick up the slack and vice versa. And sometimes that requires a firm stance. At others a tender word or touch is all it requires. I don't think its control. I think its his/her responsibility to hold up your end when you cant. That's what a real relationship is to me. But what do I know ? I'm just some dumb guy.


You cant eat soup with chopsticks.

Posts: 5434 | Registered: Nov 2007
lieshurt
♀ Member
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 1:54 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think you need someone who is tender with you, but also firm and strong.

Yes, please

The last thing I want is a man who is a pushover. I want a man who can stand his own with me....an equal.


Posts: 13356 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
Sad in AZ
♀ Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 3:23 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

IL!


I promise to surround myself with amazing souls and love them fiercely.

Posts: 19176 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
Topic Posts: 31
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