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Newest Member: hewaseverything (44947)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Mediation tomorrow
rumorhasit
♀ Member
Member # 38943
Default  Posted: 2:10 AM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tomorrow I have mediation to sort out custody for my son.

This is why I can't breathe and wind up in angry fits of rage out of nowhere- I live with my parents. My mother is a control freak. She's in everyones fucking business and of course she knows best! When she doesn't have control she is a passive aggressive pain in the ass. "That's fine, you do whatever you need to do." I hate it! I am however dreading facing asshat X in mediation. I initially thought I could bring a support person in with me. My mother planned to go. I was fine with that. Further reading indicated that support persons are only allowed in if there is domestic violence issues. She can't be in there. So now I get the added stress of her wanting to know every god damn detail afterward and saying I was weak or made dumb choices just because the descisions werent made by her! but none of that will get said directly, nooo, it will however be implied. And i get to live with that. Thank god i have therapy right after court.

The points of contention in mediation will be overnight visits (my son is two and has never had independent visits w X let alone overnight) and holidays i am loathe to give up. Hes taken so much, he can leave me Christmas... i will be reasonable though.

Wish me luck.


BGF- 30 (me)
WXBF- 30 (him)
Last Dday- 4-8-13, he left for OW#2
Us- 1 DS 3yo, Him- 1 DD 7yo

Mrs. Robinson- 41, S but still M

"You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think." - Christopher Robin


Posts: 205 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Southern California
devistatedmom
♀ Member
Member # 24961
Default  Posted: 9:38 AM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good luck! You can do this.

As far as your mother goes, if you know she isn't going to be supportive, you are probably better off without her. You don't need to tell her what was decided right away...go to mediation, go to your IC appt., then when you get home, just tell her you don't want to talk right then. Go to your room, lay down, write everything down so you don't forget.

Ask your mom to write down any of her thoughts of what you should do beforehand, so you can glance at it. She may have a good idea or two that you won't think of...but you know what? Your X can't control you and neither can your mother. Listen to what the mediator says, and YOU decide what is best for YOU.

My XH and I used a mediator. We more or less went along with what she said...except her ideas on custody sent me through the roof. I refused. When she pushed, I said I was done talking about that point for today. Move on. Remember, they can't FORCE you to accept anything that doesn't feel right to you. Deep breaths, stay strong!


BS(me) 46, Two wonderful teens.
He is no longer my best friend. Repeat until it sticks.

WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.


Posts: 5487 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Canada
rumorhasit
♀ Member
Member # 38943
Default  Posted: 9:52 AM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks! I'm sitting waiting right now. Trying to be calm. Breathing. I'm okay. I got this.


BGF- 30 (me)
WXBF- 30 (him)
Last Dday- 4-8-13, he left for OW#2
Us- 1 DS 3yo, Him- 1 DD 7yo

Mrs. Robinson- 41, S but still M

"You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think." - Christopher Robin


Posts: 205 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Southern California
devistatedmom
♀ Member
Member # 24961
Default  Posted: 10:09 AM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Breathing. I'm okay. I got this.

I believe you do. I'll send you a since I don't have a hug icon.


BS(me) 46, Two wonderful teens.
He is no longer my best friend. Repeat until it sticks.

WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.


Posts: 5487 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Canada
lostmommy
♀ Member
Member # 33440
Default  Posted: 10:33 AM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((hugs))) Good luck today!


Me (BS): 32, Mommy to J: 2 1/2 Divorced: 4/10/13
Sometimes you find yourself in the middle of nowhere, and sometimes, in the middle of nowhere, you find yourself

Posts: 485 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: NY
devistatedmom
♀ Member
Member # 24961
Default  Posted: 1:01 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Still breathing I hope? Just checking in. Hope all is well.


BS(me) 46, Two wonderful teens.
He is no longer my best friend. Repeat until it sticks.

WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.


Posts: 5487 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Canada
peridot
♀ Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 2:08 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sending you mojo! Hope everything is going well.


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4779 | Registered: Feb 2008
rumorhasit
♀ Member
Member # 38943
Default  Posted: 4:08 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It went very well. Kinda awkward but well. X is much less intimidating in person than he is in my head. He's just my idiot ex. Bleh.

He has DS for T and TH mornings/afternoons and alternate Sunday afternoons. He agreed to no over nights until age three. Holidays divvied up okay.

Child support will be decided next month.

He's so reasonable in person. I don't know why he has to be a jack ass behind my back.


BGF- 30 (me)
WXBF- 30 (him)
Last Dday- 4-8-13, he left for OW#2
Us- 1 DS 3yo, Him- 1 DD 7yo

Mrs. Robinson- 41, S but still M

"You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think." - Christopher Robin


Posts: 205 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Southern California
Waiting4Daylite
♀ Member
Member # 36213
Default  Posted: 4:38 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He's so reasonable in person. I don't know why he has to be a jack ass behind my back.

Because "Mrs. Robinson" wasn't there to pull his puppet strings.

Hang in there girl you're doing great!


Posts: 1791 | Registered: Jul 2012
devistatedmom
♀ Member
Member # 24961
Default  Posted: 9:49 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Glad it went well. He doesn't think you know about the talking behind your back..therefore, if he's friendly, you will have to believe he's a good person!

Keep going!


BS(me) 46, Two wonderful teens.
He is no longer my best friend. Repeat until it sticks.

WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.


Posts: 5487 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Canada
rumorhasit
♀ Member
Member # 38943
Default  Posted: 3:24 PM, July 4th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The funny thing is, he probably thinks the same of me. He started thinking that way long before we broke up. That I'm only nice to be manipulative. Which isn't true at all. Projection at its finest. Its really not funny... its sad that for no reason, he stopped trusting me. Idiot.


BGF- 30 (me)
WXBF- 30 (him)
Last Dday- 4-8-13, he left for OW#2
Us- 1 DS 3yo, Him- 1 DD 7yo

Mrs. Robinson- 41, S but still M

"You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think." - Christopher Robin


Posts: 205 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Southern California
Topic Posts: 11

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