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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Mediation is a bust
trebleclef
♀ Member
Member # 33488
Default  Posted: 2:49 AM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just spoke to our mediator today. She is firing us. XWH has not yet taken any action or met any deadlines that he agreed to.

Got this from him today:

XWH:
I have issued a cheque for the B property taxes at $1464.66. Tomorrow you can let me know what method you wish to submit your portion of that at $ 732.33.

TC:
The B property is in your name.
We have both agreed in mediation that the B property is yours.
The divorce has been granted.

I would like to understand your reasons for thinking I should be perpetually responsible for your bills. At what point does that end if not now?


XWH:
There has been discussion about all the matramonial items but to my knowledge nothing has been finallized unless you acually know something I do not

TC:
Item 4 under "Division of Property" in the most recent Mediated Report Agreement sent to you by our mediator states:

"Other Real Estate/Properties Lot 1B, Lot 37S, and Lots 24S and 25S will remain with XWH."

Are you saying that you now disagree with this? If so, why did you not contact the mediator as instructed with your concerns and corrections?
It is my understanding that as items are agreed upon, they are added to the report. It is not some 'big final agreement thing' that happens when every last detail is worked out. They are added to the agreement in a cumulative manner AS they are worked out.

As Ive indicated, the INTERIM Separation Agreement we had in which I was footing the bill for half of your expenses, was never intended as a long-term perpetual plan, it was stop-gap means of dealing with imminent issues. I have tried faithfully to keep my end of that agreement for nearly two years now, far longer than I ever anticipated. The "interim" is over and the elements of that agreement are now being replaced. That is the point of working with the mediator.

It never ceases to amaze me that so far "agreements" only appear to pertain to TC and not XWH.

I will no longer be contributing to the maintenance of property B.
TC


And of course...... I'm the one "reneging on my agreement".

Yep, I am. And its a little scary and a lot hard because Ive spent 43 years doing things out of fear of his reaction. Gotta get my big girl panties on now and head to a crackerjack lawyer and quit worrying about whether he's mad, cuz hes gonna be.

[This message edited by trebleclef at 2:51 AM, July 3rd (Wednesday)]


True remorse isn't followed by a "but".

Posts: 1809 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: Alberta
Threnody
♀ Member
Member # 1558
Default  Posted: 8:50 AM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He's a schemer. You already know this. His being angry is simply proof (IMO) that you're on the right path away from his manipulations and financial slight-of-hand tricks.

I'm sorry mediation failed, but I think you knew this was a very real possibility with him. He's always been a tug-of-war player, from what I recall of your posts.

You know what drives that type of person batshit and puts you in charge?

Dropping the rope.

Drop it. Greenlight your lawyer to make arrangements, up to and including covering the appropriate fees because STBX was not earnest in mediation.

You're no longer involved. He just shot himself in the foot. And wallet.

Idjut.


If you don't like my opinion of you, you can always improve. ~ Ashleigh Brilliant
"Great love requires determination." ~ tryingtwo
"Don't try to win over the haters, you're not the jackass whisperer." ~ Brene Brown

Posts: 14040 | Registered: Jun 2003 | From: Middle-of-Diddly, TX
devistatedmom
♀ Member
Member # 24961
Default  Posted: 9:30 AM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yep yep. Threnody is right. Ignore the idiot and file the papers. Today. Let him figure it out on his own. Ass


BS(me) 46, Two wonderful teens.
He is no longer my best friend. Repeat until it sticks.

WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.


Posts: 5430 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Canada
trebleclef
♀ Member
Member # 33488
Default  Posted: 12:50 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh yeah. Just discovers this morning that we are overdrawn on our mutual account AGAIN because XWH has not put our rent $ from rooms we let or his portion of the mutual payments in. again. For the zillionth time. And I put an extra $300 in yesterday just in case, AND I can't take out MY rent because there's no funds. Again.
I would think this might be payback for me refusing to pay the tax bill, but it's not the first time. Or the twentieth. I WISH I could just walk away - but it's my name too on the mortgage.


True remorse isn't followed by a "but".

Posts: 1809 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: Alberta
Phoenix1
♀ Member
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 2:10 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And of course...... I'm the one "reneging on my agreement".

Yep, I am. And its a little scary and a lot hard because Ive spent 43 years doing things out of fear of his reaction.

I thought I was reading about me and my POS! For years I just capitulated to keep the peace. When POS walked out I stopped paying the credit card bills that were in his name. He was furious because "we had agreed I would continue to cover the payments" or some such rot. A, yeah, shitbag that was before I caught you red-handed at OW#3's house and you took off like a coward. Did I renege? You betcha! I KNEW he would be pissed, and he was, but I told him all agreements became null and void upon me finding out about newest affair and subsequent desertion of the family!

It never ceases to amaze me how these fucksticks really believe that agreements (or wedding vows) only work one way, never both ways, then get angry when they get called out!

Keep walking in those bitch boots!


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 22,17 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet


Posts: 1036 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
gonnabe2016
♀ Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 2:30 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

TC....you might want to run this one by your L.


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 7948 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
trebleclef
♀ Member
Member # 33488
Default  Posted: 3:42 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Have to find myself a new lawyer first gonna, the old one was a clone of WH. On the Search today.


True remorse isn't followed by a "but".

Posts: 1809 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: Alberta
justabrokendream
♀ Member
Member # 3075
Default  Posted: 4:07 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I may get flamed but never saw the point of mediation for the most part. Divorcing means pretty much that you can't get along anymore - in mediation there needs to be some kind of "meeting of the minds." This to me is a recipe for failure but I'm sure the lawyers like it.

Posts: 304 | Registered: Jan 2004 | From: CA
trebleclef
♀ Member
Member # 33488
Default  Posted: 4:43 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Have to find myself a new lawyer first gonna, the old one was a clone of WH. On the Search today.

.......wow! Just made a call and the lawyer in question passed away yesterday! How weird is that?!


True remorse isn't followed by a "but".

Posts: 1809 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: Alberta
Threnody
♀ Member
Member # 1558
Default  Posted: 5:25 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That, my dear, is a sign.

Err'body, move out of the way. trebleclef is coming through!


If you don't like my opinion of you, you can always improve. ~ Ashleigh Brilliant
"Great love requires determination." ~ tryingtwo
"Don't try to win over the haters, you're not the jackass whisperer." ~ Brene Brown

Posts: 14040 | Registered: Jun 2003 | From: Middle-of-Diddly, TX
Sad in AZ
♀ Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 7:33 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

justabrokendream--no flames, but I had a mediated D and it worked just fine. But, you see, we didn't get D because we couldn't get along; we got D because I didn't like his girlfriend


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20035 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
Ashland13
♀ Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 8:59 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, totally agree.

We are also going through "mediation" and things like you describe are happening there.

The narcissism is rearing its ugly head in massive ways. Now, STBX and his lawyer are telling us different things with any subject that comes up. But with STBX, I find that consistent with other people still in both of our lives. None of his words match another.

He lied on some of the financial things, too and has messed up some of our bills and his credit is bad now.

They are trying to include me in debt and future debt, too, and I am SAHM-for over 10 years! I'm also not predicted to work for several years (baby coming), so I'm not sure how they think I could pay these bills.

I wish you well and hope you will get to separate more of your stuff and begin the journey of repair.

I'm sorry for your frustration, TC.

We've had mediation fail and it was a 4 hour meeting we both had to shell out money for.


Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2204 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
Topic Posts: 12

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