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Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Tomorrow is 1 month. Happy 4th to me :(
brokenhearted76
♀ Member
Member # 39616
Sad  Posted: 3:01 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yay, not really. Tomorrow is Dday 1 month anniversary. Doesnt seem like a month ago that my life and heart shattered. Seems like only yesterday that my hubby of 7 yrs was busted cheating on me, by the "ow" hubby no less! And mine had hidden and lied about giving her money, also busted by "ow" hubby on that. In 4 short weeks i have been emotionally torn apart and knocked down. I think i sat for a few days just watching it rain..literally. Then i found myself here. Still cant thank you all enough for being my support. Finally started working on 180, for me. And had some serious convos with the lieing cheating hubby. First week, he was in a daze. 2nd week, more open answered everything, agreed to my "demands". Week 3 he gets caught "sexting" total strangers off the internet. 2 of them! I get and fill out divorce papers, they are sitting oon my coffee table now, and yes "wh" knows. He sees them as a reminder. Now week 4, he is more attentive. He is back in "ic", i am starting my own soon. He started a new job yesterday so he doesnt have to even drive by "ow" house. He hasnt broke the "nc", she tried to. My hubby still has attitude issues sometimes, i know its his misplaced feelings, although still irritating. He wanted NO ONE in either family to know, he was worried about their reaction. That left me very isolated, as i dont have much of a social life because of a special needs daughter. Well, i confided in my bestie..i had to talk to someone! That helped me. And hubbys parents, yes my inlaws, figured out something was wrong. They cornered hubby, he confessed. They agree with me, hes an idiot. So i now have a support system i can reach out and get hugs from. That really helps! Now i still have the roller coaster emotions, and i post here ALOT! And im not sure yyet where im going from here. Reconciling isnt out yet, but i wont stay and deal with this again..hubby knows one more lie or omission is the deal breaker. Tomorrow is July 4th, and the WHOLE family, like 90 people are getting together. And so not gonna be a good day for me. Tank goodness the inlaws will be there, and theres a pool. Ill just blame the tears on the chlorine.


~Me~ Blindsided wife, age 37
~Him~ XWH, age 37
~Son~ age 14
~Daughter~ age 18, special needs
~Dday~ June 4th 2013
~him: several affairs during our marriage both emotional and physical, latest physical affair in may 2013~

Posts: 85 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: brokenhearted76
Thadiun
♂ New Member
Member # 39653
Default  Posted: 3:52 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WW reacted in a similar way IRT not telling her or my family. I said screw that I'm going home to my family and friends for support. I'm glad I did too. WW hasn't even told her mother yet, go figure. I feel your pain though and completely relate to the roller coaster of emotions. I know this comment i posted doesn't really help out much, but just wanted you to know your not alone with what your going thru. Take care.


H- BS. 39
WW - 47
D-day. 6/10/13
6 month old son after trying for 10yrs
Married 5/1/99

Posts: 20 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: VA
OldCow18
♀ Member
Member # 39670
Default  Posted: 3:53 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm right behind you, it will be 4 weeks for me on Saturday. In some ways it feels like yesterday but in other ways I can't believe I've been in this hell for only 3.5 weeks. Just wanted to pop in and say that I'm here and I know how you feel. And good luck tomorrow, yikes! Try and have some fun with others? And enjoy that pool


Me, BW forty something, DD & DS,
Married to WH (49) 11 years, together 16
D-Day 6.8.13

Posts: 620 | Registered: Jun 2013
tennis26
♀ New Member
Member # 39585
Default  Posted: 4:41 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I will be at 6 weeks tomorrow and I'm also on the emotional roller coaster. I am finally understanding and trying to do the 180. While my husband says there's NC, he is not giving me all access. He is not showing remorse or love.


So - I told him I wouldn't be going to MC but will make an appt for IC.

That is so great that both sides of your family know and support YOU. I haven't told anyone other than a close friend who just got divorced.

Good luck with all the family around tomorrow.


Me BS 44, Him WS 44
Married 17 yrs 4 kids-3,6,10,15
Day 5/23/13 divorcing

Posts: 17 | Registered: Jun 2013
BFFGone
♀ Member
Member # 38263
Default  Posted: 5:16 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Brokehearted76,

I am so sorry to hear about your devastation and pain.
I am almost 6 months in, and the pain does come in waves. Good days and bad days.
My WH "told me everything" only you have more truths hit over the next month. That is very common on here, unfortunately
I thought I had agreat marriage, until my life exploded.
I also have a special needs child, we need extra love and support, not asshole bastards who cheat on us!!
My best advice to you is to do a little research on Sex Addiction. My husband balked at this at first, but many WH's do. Heaven forbid they see any true flaws in themselves. Affairs, sexting, pornography...the majority of people with multiple acting out behaviors exhibit some signs of SA.
Set Boundaries! I too filled out the papers, I even got the documents notarized. Take text off his phone, period. Go online and download his text/calling history. Check gmail for other email account (do this by typing in a known email account under "lost my account" info.). . Set any check-ins you need to. Get all passwords for all accounts. Demand he gets counseling, regular std testing. I made a demand my WH go to outpatient rehab for addiction. Best choice I ever made in all of this quagmire I've been thrown in.
My WH is smart, handsome, "pillar of morality" in our small town. He wasn't overtly adventurous sexually with me, but we had a great sex life....and he is a sex addict. It isn't about sex, it's about issues stemming back to childhood.

The most important thing is you and your precious child. Put the two of you first above all else.

Peace and love to you on your journey!!!


I choose to thrive. I choose to be happy.

That which doesn't kill me makes me stronger...but damn, aren't I strong enough yet???


Posts: 71 | Registered: Jan 2013
brokenhearted76
♀ Member
Member # 39616
Default  Posted: 7:42 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I need all the luck i can get. My stress level is through the roof already. I am not sure i am going to make it through this evening and then the day tomorrow. I am snappy and shakey. Just thinking about it..ugh. hubby is on my nerves. Im trying to 180, trying to find something to do. Its not working. I feel like im back to square one. I was doing so good! I thought i had made some progress. Now all i want to do is start screaming and crying!!!

[This message edited by brokenhearted76 at 7:47 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday)]


~Me~ Blindsided wife, age 37
~Him~ XWH, age 37
~Son~ age 14
~Daughter~ age 18, special needs
~Dday~ June 4th 2013
~him: several affairs during our marriage both emotional and physical, latest physical affair in may 2013~

Posts: 85 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: brokenhearted76
allingoodtime
♀ New Member
Member # 39679
Default  Posted: 7:49 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so sorry for the pain you are going through. the 24th of June was 1 month for me. I can tell you from experience, the emotional roller coaster is completely normal at this phase. My H has been attentive, loving, and patient, but I struggle daily to not fly off the handle. He's been open and honest, but then I even question "is is honesty for me, or is he proud of what he's done?"--I'm glad you're on SI. If you need anything, please feel free to PM me.


(All In Good Time)
BS: 25 (me)
WH: 29

A Dates: March 2013-May 2013
D-Day 2013: May 24
MW: My former best friend.


Posts: 12 | Registered: Jun 2013
brokenhearted76
♀ Member
Member # 39616
Default  Posted: 8:00 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Exactly!! The past week hubby has been more attentive. But, i question every thing! Every text, every call he leaves the room with, everytime hes late. I feel hopeless. Will i ever be able to trust him? At this point im not making any decisions. I dont know if i want to stay or not. I do love him, but i dont know if thats enough. I just want the roller coaster to stop. I feel like im always posting here. I dont want to be a nuisance. But i feel lost. How am i supposed to spend a happy holiday with his family, when i look at him an wanna cry.


~Me~ Blindsided wife, age 37
~Him~ XWH, age 37
~Son~ age 14
~Daughter~ age 18, special needs
~Dday~ June 4th 2013
~him: several affairs during our marriage both emotional and physical, latest physical affair in may 2013~

Posts: 85 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: brokenhearted76
Brokenhearted18
♀ New Member
Member # 39453
Default  Posted: 8:20 PM, July 3rd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry that you are going through this alone. This message board is great. My H told me I could tell anyone I wanted to. At that time I was going for a divorce. The first person I called was his mother. She was so supportive. Unbeknownst to me. He had already told her he wanted to separate from me. She lied to me. I've known her for 20 years. Married to her son for 18 years. She knows that he is wrong. But she will always support him. Enable him really. That's her son. I caution you to not depend on his family for support. Blood always goes to blood. My husband told me this. It was true. She cut me off. She did not want to hear any bad things about her son.
That's why my husband did not fear me reaching out to his mother. She would ultimately choose him.

He has asked for a 2nd chance. We are trying. Now he and I have no contact with his mother.


You can not adjust the wind.
But you can adjust the sail.

Posts: 15 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: S.California
Topic Posts: 9

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