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Newest Member: shatterdlife (44923)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Side effect of detachment (vent)
TattoodChinaDoll
♀ Member
Member # 34602
Default  Posted: 1:10 PM, July 5th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There is a lot that are deal breakers. Continued emotional abuse, the job, not being remorseful...to name a few.

It's not that this is making me want him. And I've really been feeling very good about myself. I have not been getting into anything with him. I barely speak to him. It's really the situation that makes me feel sad. Not him. I see him for what he is and I totally see through his BS.


Me (BW): 32
WH: 33 TimeToManUp
Married: 11 years, together 16 years
3 daughters: 9, 5, 2, and and 2 angel babies (2013 and 2014)
D-Day: 12/21/2011
Confronted him: 12/22/2011

Posts: 1719 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: New Jersey
Take2
♀ Member
Member # 23890
Default  Posted: 1:25 PM, July 5th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do you have a receipt for the ring. You can add it to your D documents - and ask for its value (original price - not what he gets for it, mind you.

But getting into any kind of conversation about it, or the money he gets for it, is feeding his need for attention and messing with your goal of detachment - so not worth it!


"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell...So, If fear was not a factor - what would you do?

Posts: 4113 | Registered: May 2009 | From: New England
TattoodChinaDoll
♀ Member
Member # 34602
Default  Posted: 1:39 PM, July 5th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just told him not to sell it. We will give it to someone to hold on to until the proper time comes.


Me (BW): 32
WH: 33 TimeToManUp
Married: 11 years, together 16 years
3 daughters: 9, 5, 2, and and 2 angel babies (2013 and 2014)
D-Day: 12/21/2011
Confronted him: 12/22/2011

Posts: 1719 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: New Jersey
7yrsflushed
♂ Member
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 1:53 PM, July 5th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just told him not to sell it. We will give it to someone to hold on to until the proper time comes.
now promptly back to 180ing and detaching from him. He saw that taking the ring got a reaction from you and you talked to him. Don't be surprised if he pulls something like that again. If you have any valuables, heirlooms, or things you really love around the house that you WANT to keep you should box them up when he isn't around and give them to a friend or family member for safe keeping. He has alreayd shown that he will "Steal" from you. He will do it or something similar again if he thinks it will get your attention, get you to break the 180, or give him some feeling of control because as with the ring you had to ask him where it was and ask him not to sell it.


D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Divorced 9/2/14 and loving life!

Posts: 1903 | Registered: May 2011 | From: VA
TattoodChinaDoll
♀ Member
Member # 34602
Default  Posted: 3:37 PM, July 5th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm starting to think I should just not talk to him at all. I'm not going to make spiteful decisions about the house, finances, or kids. I should just do what I want to do and not interact at all.


Me (BW): 32
WH: 33 TimeToManUp
Married: 11 years, together 16 years
3 daughters: 9, 5, 2, and and 2 angel babies (2013 and 2014)
D-Day: 12/21/2011
Confronted him: 12/22/2011

Posts: 1719 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: New Jersey
ButterflyGirl
♀ Member
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 11:08 AM, July 6th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm starting to think I should just not talk to him at all. I'm not going to make spiteful decisions about the house, finances, or kids. I should just do what I want to do and not interact at all.

You do need to talk to him about kids and finances, but that can be very limited. Just the logistics.. Keep imagining a judge over your shoulder.. Sometimes doing this makes me paranoid, but it helps me get my head on straight when I'm letting my emotions take over and thinking with my heart instead of my head..

It's really the situation that makes me feel sad.

Yep, it's your hopes and dreams dying.. It sucks.. It can be confusing sometimes thinking you want him, but it's the fantasy you want. I know you know that.. Just gotta keep reminding yourself..

How did it go with the movie thing last night? How are you feeling today?


xBW~ 35
Two of the most darling sons ~ 10 and 7

Posts: 2236 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
ButterflyGirl
♀ Member
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 11:18 AM, July 6th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, and he's going to make you feel like your decisions about the house, kids and finances are all spiteful. You are really in a no-win situation with him.. If you aren't doing anything and everything to make his life easier, he will make you feel like you are doing something wrong

I like to think of it like being a train. Full steam ahead of what I want to do. He's going to throw some bumps in the road, but I gotta keep moving forward.. I just recommend talking to an attorney so that you know legally what you should be doing so that your train is heading in the right direction. Once you hear from your attorney what you can and can't be doing, it will be easier to ignore what he thinks of what you're doing..

More hugs..


xBW~ 35
Two of the most darling sons ~ 10 and 7

Posts: 2236 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
Topic Posts: 27
Pages: 1 · 2

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