He barely remembers my Bday or our anniversary, there is no way he remembered hers, right?
But I just can't keep my mouth shut and thus my own set up. I off handedly said, "Are you being a crankypants b/c yesterday was whatshernames birthday?" He says no, it's his back. I then ask him if he knew it was her birthday yesterday and did he think about her...He says, "Yes". End of conversation. No fighting, no tears. Just exactly what I expected.
This is not good.
It's to bad he can't offer you more than just a one word answer
I can only control myself, no one else. I do not have that kind of power.
So, I took your advice. An opportunity came up today when he got some mail from OW's hometown. He freaked out for a minute thinking it was from her attorney. (It wasn't) Their last communication was from her attorney threatening my WH with a law suit if he misappropriated any of her business ideas. It's a ridiculous notion, but it scares him nontheless. So, I used that as an opening to ask how thinking the letter was from her attorney made him feel. It made him nervous, but it also reminded him how incredibly immature and nasty OW is. I then asked how he felt when he thought of her Bday. He said, "Nothing". He said it crossed his mind just before he fell asleep, but it was just a passing thought. He didn't have any urge to speak with her, wish her well, or wonder what she was up to.
For us, that is progress. Thanks isadora.