I was terrified to leave because I wasn't sure I could make it on my own. I can. I didn't want to leave my marriage because I loved him. But my marriage was dead, killed by a lying cheating manipulative narcissist. I walked on eggshelz for 12 years and was willing to keep doing it to stay married but at times at dreamed about being with someone who didn't punish me when he was mad.
Sometimes walking away is the only thing we can do so save our lives. You have spent so many years being terrorized that you really don't know different anymore. Let me tell you that a new and better life is out there for you no matter your age or health or what have you. You need to find your inner strength, your power, your desire for peace. Life alone may be lonely but I have never been as lonely as I was while I was married to my xwh. You will find that you like being alone because coming home is peaceful, you wake up without someone's crap to deal with, no one threatens you, you do what YOU want when YOU want and how YOU want. There is peace beyond this marriage.
I know you're afraid but you can do it on your own. What is going to happen when you get older and frail? What will he do to you then? What will he hold against you then? Or will he leave you to suffer alone? Do not give him the right to destroy you, you are better than him and you can walk away to a life of peace. Please feel free to pm me if you want to chat. Hugs to you.
This is not a good man. I hope you find the courage to leave him... hopefully this will wake him up but somehow I doubt it.
Do the 180 like the other poster advised you to. The 180 will give you the eto finally break ties with him.
Good luck to you.
Tragedy in life normally comes with betrayal and compromise . . .
The deal breaker between staying and leaving is this:
Has he apologized and acknowledged the depth of what he's done to you?
Has he taken any steps toward truly reconciling with you?
I'm gonna say the answer to both of those questions is NO!
Therefore, either tell him to get out or you go. This doesn't have to mean divorce. It means that you mean business!!! His reaction to that will tell you if it means divorce or not.
Do the right thing, honey.