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Newest Member: westernlady1124 (45344)

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User Topic: Wh and no sex drive? Hard time wrapping my head around...
♀ Member
Member # 34755
Default  Posted: 8:27 PM, July 5th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sexual anorexia is not uncommon at all for sex addicts.

Porn can also desensitize and negatively impact your sex life if he's a SA as does compulsive masturbation.

BS - Me
DDay 1 - Jul 11
DDay 2 - Jul 12
R Dec 12

Former 80s Icon wishful thinking

Posts: 2031 | Registered: Feb 2012
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 3:09 AM, July 6th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for that info Nature Girl. So damn confusing..someone so obsessed with sex, yet unable to perform sometimes. I took it very personally and just stopped wanting too at all..I'm going to check that out.
Been with him over half my life
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank

Posts: 5133 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
♂ Member
Member # 17210
Default  Posted: 3:52 AM, July 6th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Could be a testosterone issue.
Could be guilt interferes with arousal.
If there is any sort of physical or psychological issue reducing ability to have sex, it makes sense to me that this would increase the thoughts about sex, possibly to an obsessive level, which could also reduce ability to perform even further.

Your mileage may vary... in accordance with the prophecy.

Do not back up. Severe tire damage.

Posts: 14924 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Winnipeg
♀ Member
Member # 25451
Default  Posted: 7:55 AM, July 6th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The number one reg flag I missed that would have told me my husband was an SA-
he almost never wanted to have sex.
SA sobriety- no masterbating.

NEITHER of those may apply to your situation-those are just my SA tips.

Brevity, typos & misspellings provided by my ipad and fatigue.
It's been 4 years, SA husband sober. We're doing okay. Today.

fWH had ONS with High School Principal he met on 08/25/2009

Posts: 696 | Registered: Sep 2009
♀ Member
Member # 11176
Default  Posted: 9:03 AM, July 6th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OK...and here's a completely different angle on all this because I LIVED it.

Have your WS get a physical and get his heart checked out. FWS was having "issues" (cough, cough) with his performance and his doctor, me and him all blamed it on the after-effects of his affairs.

Come to find out it was his heart. He died from what's called "The Widow Maker". Major blockages in both veins. Hindsight we should have insisted on a more extensive check of his heart but we didn't read the warning signs right and thought is was due to guilt.

Having problems with being tired all the time, and desire/performance issues are indicators there isn't enough blood moving through the body.

Please.....we all like to blame everything on sex and mental issues but heart disease can play a huge part in this. Get his heart checked.


BS: 56
WS: 53
Betrayed: 23 years
Affairs: 14 (2 lasted 3 months. Rest were ONS)
WS died: 16 May 2011
Do not stay in your hurt forever. Choose to move out of it.

Posts: 6581 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: Wisconsin
solus sto
♀ Member
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 9:08 AM, July 6th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WH was not diagnosed SA, but I am sure he is. Sexual anorexia was epic in our marriage---years-long, with elaborate (physician-endorsed) explanation. (Impotence was consistent with his medical condition, meds, and testosterone level, only he was only impotent at home, it seems---and never pursued the testosterone angle even when he tested low-ish; he knew he didn't need to.) He refused to consider SA. And even though I identified him as such, and with my understanding of addiction can intellectually understand that it really has nothing to do with me, the fact that it so profoundly impacted me on a daily basis makes it very difficult to really internalize the it's not you; it's a disease truth.

((((heartbroken)))) I'm so sorry for your pain. Like so many others, I understand, and wish you were not facing this. SA or not, this is NOT about any shortcoming you might possess.

It's about him, and his brokenness.

BS-me, 52
WH (Trac-fone), 53, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
multiple d-days
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 8844 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
Topic Posts: 26
Pages: 1 · 2

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