It sounds like your H has extremely low self-esteem and a strong belief that life, for him, requires him to be a KISA for everyone but you and your family. If I said the things he says, I'd be depressed enough to start ADs - if that applies to your H, too, he needs to see his MD.
Also, you sound pretty strong and independent now, and the primary use of the 180 is to build your strength and knowledge that you can live independent of your WS.
So I think some adjustments may be in order - namely, to ID your requirements for R, lay them out with your H, and act in accord with his response. If he's willing to make changes, you'll probably want to work on he M. If he commits to R and does the necessary work over a period of several months, you can then commit yourself to R. OTOH, if he won't commit to or deliver the changes you need, then your best bet will probably be D.
It might be helpful to do a few MC sessions to have a neutral observer help you and your H negotiate the changes he's going to commit to.
I understand he doesn't want IC, but I don't see how he'll make the necessary changes without it. For a lot of BSes, IC for the WS is a requirement for R. (My W was in IC on D-Day, so for me, my requirement was 'continuing IC with the goal of changing the thoughts and feelings that allowed the A'.)
You don't have to commit to R or D now. It makes perfect sense to watch and wait and move closer to your H if he moves closer to you - that is, you can watch, wait, and work on your M until you know which way you really want to go.
I'm biased toward R, so I perhaps see you as desiring R when you don't. Consider my thoughts about getting to R. If you find yourself thinking 'Ugh!' more strongly with each step, well, that's a pretty good indicator of where you want to end up....