We were out with our visiting company two night ago and my H is playing the guitar/singing with the band. My friend looks at me and says, "Do you know how lucky you are? Really. H is such a GOOD GUY!" Then later she told him he was "perfect". We both just laughed it off and he finished by saying how he lucky he was to have me.
Grant it. I know he is charming, kind and he is also playing the guitar. He was also being very attentive to me. This adds to his overall appeal. Her H was talking with some women he just met across the table from her.
Anyway, later in bed he told me that he knows that must hurt me to hear that and said "We both know the real story, LA. If people only knew."
Have you experienced this? I am totally fine today but when it happens I just smile and bite my tongue.
Tongue is going to look pretty chewed up at some point!
[This message edited by LA44 at 11:10 AM, July 5th (Friday)]
Once, just once, (and never again I might add), while in a rather bitter mood, I responded to one of those comments, with a deranged smile and a freakish, sing-songy rapid fire response of, "seriously? SERIOUSLY? So he has you fooled too?!!!!? Things are not always as they seem".
Well, I can tell you, that went over like a turd in the punch bowl.
This woman looked at me like I had slapped her, and recoiled in horror!
And I know, I KNOW, she still believes in her heart that he is awesome, and I am a lunatic.
So, lesson learned. Now, I just smile sweetly and agree.
[This message edited by painpaingoaway at 11:19 AM, July 5th (Friday)]
I was already cracked but then they BROKE me.
Especially, since d-day when my FWH is really doing everything that he can to make amends to me.
Ironically, even friends that know about the LTA say this now because he really is being the perfect husband.
What I now know is that you should never be envious of anyone.
All that stuff on FB?
Don't believe it.
There is often another story of their life but they are not presenting that on FB.
Before the A, FWH was a great partner. Once we were in R, he has been a great partner. To the outside world, at least among the majority who doesn't know, I'm sure he seems perfect. Thing is, I never wanted perfect. I wanted real, committed, honest, and making a strong effort.
I think people who say this have no real concept of how unattainable "perfect" is, and why it is dangerous.
I think if the "perfect" WS can acknowledge this, that is very encouraging, LA!
even his family is like that..and many of them know what happend...they still think he is great.
but you know what? i am SO HAPPY that i now know the truth about him. i am glad i am not one of those people being duped anymore.
[This message edited by sri624 at 1:52 PM, July 5th (Friday)]
I'm guessing your husband, like my wife, really IS a good person in so many ways. Your bio indicates that he's a keeper and you are working hard at R. Same for me. So I guess in many ways we are to be envied for having a marriage that is worth fighting for, even under the worst of circumstances.
But perfect? Uhh, no. Far from it. That's a word that shouldn't be used to describe human beings, anyway.
Now they see a man who holds his wife's hand. Who playes ball hockey in the street with the kids, who picks the kids up from school every night and cooks dinner. All things that are new since we started true R.
Usually when the women say, you're so lucky, your H does X...I look at them and say, luck had nothing to do with it, it took us a lot of work to get here. Usually that go to line really makes us all feel better
I almost choked on my wine!
I will never stop trying... because when you find 'the one' you never give up. (Cal Weaver)
Being very, very careful
D-day 14 June 2013
I'm smart, good looking and gosh darn it, people like me!
I responded to one of those comments, with a deranged smile and a freakish, sing-songy rapid fire response of, "seriously? SERIOUSLY? So he has you fooled too?!!!!? Things are not always as they seem".
Oh my gosh, Pain! This made me laugh! It only takes one time of getting it wrong doesn't it?!