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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Question
tesla
♀ Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 2:59 PM, July 5th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ex-shat is half an hour late for visitation pick up. This is unusual for him...typically he is 10-20 minutes early or will even text to pick Teslet up in the morning.

If this has happened to others have you texted your ex to see what was up? How did you word it? I need to go dig out my parenting guidelines and find out at what point he forfeits his time...


ish kabibble

Posts: 4179 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 3:08 PM, July 5th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You could phrase it that you were wondering how many more minutes you should tell Teslet before Daddy arrives.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 elementary school-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 8747 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
TrustNoOne
♀ Member
Member # 16591
Default  Posted: 3:13 PM, July 5th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not sure about the parenting plan, but professionally - someone has 7 minutes to log-in to a concall or appear in a conference room for a meeting before I say "I'm outta here" and move on to higher priority issues.

I'd be just as unforgiving with an Ex-shat.

My time is valuable. Do not waste it. Even though you don't respect me, I respect me - so fuck you.


Posts: 1295 | Registered: Oct 2007 | From: SoCal
tesla
♀ Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 3:17 PM, July 5th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Here is what the parenting guidelines say for my state:

Both parents have a duty to communicate any time the exchange is delayed. When no communication is initiated by the delaying parent, and pick up or return of a child does not occur within a reasonable time, the time and conditions of the exchange may be rescheduled at a time and place convenient to the parent not responsible for the delay.

I should also point out that I have a google calendar showing visitation and all other important Teslet events. It sends out an email reminder about an hour before the event is to start. So I know he has an email sitting in his email account (unless he opted out of them for himself).

I have a very strong urge to track him down and find out if he is coming. But that's not my job and he has all the information at his disposal to figure out what the fuck is going on.


ish kabibble

Posts: 4179 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
peridot
♀ Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 3:24 PM, July 5th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wouldn't contact him. It's his place to call you to say he's either late or not coming. If he doesn't contact you at all and later wants to make up the visitation I wouldn't do it. It's his fault he didn't show up and he hasn't contacted you.

When my XH was 30 minutes or more late, he didn't take the kids and I didn't make up the time unless there was an emergency(that got verified) or someone died.


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4488 | Registered: Feb 2008
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 3:30 PM, July 5th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do you have plans?


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13188 | Registered: Jul 2011
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 3:32 PM, July 5th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In my state the leeway time is 15 minutes.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 elementary school-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 8747 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
tesla
♀ Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 3:36 PM, July 5th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ama - no, just planning on doing online course work and house projects this weekend.

NG - I'm a little disappointed that my states guidelines don't have a more rigid rule in place. But the courts in my area are very big on the coparenting thing.


ish kabibble

Posts: 4179 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
Sad in AZ
♀ Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 3:42 PM, July 5th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Didn't Teslet want to spend more time with his visiting aunt this weekend? Could that aunt pick him up for a ride somewhere. If ex-shat shows up, "Gee; we didn't think you were coming. Teslet's gone visiting. See you next time."


I promise to surround myself with amazing souls and love them fiercely.

Posts: 19154 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
devistatedmom
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Member # 24961
Default  Posted: 4:37 PM, July 5th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So did he show up or call?


BS(me) 46, kids DS 17, DD 14.
He is no longer my best friend. Repeat until it sticks.

WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.


Posts: 5215 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Canada
tesla
♀ Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 4:55 PM, July 5th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Has not called or showed up yet.

Yeah, Teslet did want to do something with his aunt...in the process of contingency plans.

I bet ex-shat got his weekends mixed up.

[This message edited by tesla at 5:06 PM, July 5th (Friday)]


ish kabibble

Posts: 4179 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 6:23 PM, July 5th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I bet ex-shat got his weekends mixed up.

Because of their recent holiday? Did you post something about him mentioning that he thought the weekends were swapping?

I wouldn't contact him. Time is up.

Actually - *I* have/would contact the sad clown when he is 15 mins late. Our handovers are rarely in person - they are all via DC/school so its not something that comes up often.

If I had a EOW in place I think I would prompt him X instances - like a three strikes and he's out kinda thing. More so that I wouldn't want my girls to be let down nor would I want to have to deal with the drama of him wanting to swap my next weekend to make up for it.


Sending all of the love and strength I can muster to Phoenix1 and her family.
"Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal."

Posts: 4511 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
tesla
♀ Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 7:33 PM, July 5th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I ended up texting the guy *only* because Teslet asked me to...he wanted to know if dad was coming.

And yep, he got his weekends mixed up Asked to switch. Which actually worked out in my favor because there was something I wanted to do on one of my weekends in August which I wouldn't have if I had Teslet that weekend...

I did tell the fool that I would reflect the change on the google calendar. Think he'll pick up on the hint?

[This message edited by tesla at 7:35 PM, July 5th (Friday)]


ish kabibble

Posts: 4179 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 7:40 PM, July 5th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How is testlet handing the change in plans?


You can call me NIK

There's always failure. And there's always disappointment. And there's always loss.
But the secret is learning from the loss, and realizing that none of those holes are vacuums.
- Michael J. Fox


Posts: 22578 | Registered: Aug 2011
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 7:56 PM, July 5th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Think he'll pick up on the hint?

Let me just check my magic 8 Ball.

I hope he apologises to Teslet.

Fuckfeatures.


Sending all of the love and strength I can muster to Phoenix1 and her family.
"Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal."

Posts: 4511 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
tesla
♀ Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 8:41 PM, July 5th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

nik - he's conflicted. He's happy that he gets to do something special with his aunt and cousin tomorrow. But he likes to stick with a plan...he knew dad was coming, so when I told him dad wasn't coming because he was working he got pretty upset. Not temper tantrum upset. Disappointed and hurt upset.
It's a mark against ex-shat and Teslet will be sensitive to this from now on...I can see it.
I framed my text to him as "Teslet was wondering how much longer you were going to be." I wish that cowardly piece of shit would call his son up and explain to him why daddy wasn't where he was supposed to be...but as always, that is left to me.

FTG.

ETA: ex-shat occupies a fairly loft pedestal in Teslet's mind. That pedestal got worn and chipped away a bit tonight. I hate watching Teslet deal with this shit.

[This message edited by tesla at 8:43 PM, July 5th (Friday)]


ish kabibble

Posts: 4179 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
peridot
♀ Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 9:12 PM, July 5th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As much as it probably would have hurt Teslet, I would have told him the truth...daddy got the weekends mixed up and didn't realize it was his weekend...instead of telling him daddy was at work.

When my XH had visitation with the kids he usually screwed around with the holiday visitation. I used to have to prepare the kids(they were still young) that we had to go to the meeting place but daddy probably wouldn't show up. After a while they started expecting him to not show up.

Keep him busy this weekend and maybe it'll take his mind off him not being with his dad.


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4488 | Registered: Feb 2008
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 9:13 PM, July 5th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((teslet))))


You can call me NIK

There's always failure. And there's always disappointment. And there's always loss.
But the secret is learning from the loss, and realizing that none of those holes are vacuums.
- Michael J. Fox


Posts: 22578 | Registered: Aug 2011
wannabenormal
♀ Member
Member # 19772
Default  Posted: 9:18 PM, July 5th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I flat out ask - where are you?

It's not rude, I'm wondering.


BW, divorced: 03/09


Posts: 14252 | Registered: Jun 2008
tesla
♀ Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 9:23 PM, July 5th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

his response was that he thought this was my weekend so he signed up for double shifts this weekend. *shrug* deep down that asshole knows he's a piece of shit and won't be able to keep his shit together enough to hack it every other weekend. it's just a question as to how long before the fucker goes off the deep end.


ish kabibble

Posts: 4179 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
Topic Posts: 31
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