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User Topic: Old flame and exs as osf?
Ashland13
♀ Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 9:00 PM, July 6th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have a former BF who contacts me periodically and a lot after he learned I am getting divorced.

He is married with kids and made me very sad to give the same song and dance STBX did about "my awful M and wife".

I sent him a no contact letter that he ignored but when he learned I am pregnant, I don't hear from him now!

I was appalled at the position he was thinking to put me in, for he wrote as if he wanted an EA, a lot of talk about "do I get a divorce, well, she has a disease", or "do I just find someone miserable who will let me stay married and have sex with me?"

I had one friend who was surprised I sent the NC letter, and I had to repeat the latter part of what he said for her to get it.

And you know what? The reason things ended with him, over 25 years ago, was because he cheated on me!!!! And his W is the one he cheated with and then tried to say the old, "nothing really happened, I didn't do it!"

So no, long story short, I don't believe in having old flames as "friends", either.


Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2229 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
Deanna
♀ Member
Member # 26854
Default  Posted: 10:07 PM, July 6th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He no. I thought it was so cute that we worked with his childhood sweetheart. As a matter of fact she and I had dated another man that we had in common. I even laughed that we had the same taste is men. I just didn't realize she wanted my husband.
I tried friending an old boyfriend on Facebook. He is friends with all our old friends but me. He seems to know that it is a dangerous slope to head down.


DDay - 11/4/09
BS-49 DDay
fWS-46 DDay
EA/PA with childhood sweetheart/ kissed
R - 11/25/09
Life is not a dress rehearsal

Posts: 1435 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Northeast
realitybites
♀ Member
Member # 6908
Default  Posted: 6:24 AM, July 7th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For me it is just weird, if I don't do it I don't expect my WS to do it.

Although we have been now married for 31 years we went to a get together with a bunch of friends, like 12 of us, and 1 couple was there who we had not seen in a looooooooooong time. And her husband was someone who I had slept with (before I met my husband) when I was single. And I still thought it was weird! We all ended up having a nice night and they will probably be around if we see these other people again another time.

Just thought it was odd.


Posts: 5642 | Registered: Apr 2005 | From: florida
MartlArts
♀ Member
Member # 36130
Default  Posted: 7:47 AM, July 7th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I say NO! My H's EOA was with an old flame who looked him up. I'm not friends with any ex's.


excerpt from an awesome quote "Forgiveness - the finishing of old business that allows us to experience the present, free of contamination from the past."

Posts: 986 | Registered: Jul 2012
darklilly23
♀ New Member
Member # 39457
Default  Posted: 10:26 PM, July 7th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yep, now that I am about to have my very own, first ever Ex!
I can't ever see how it would not be weird, esp if I was in a relationship, I would think I would feel very protective of my new love, but then again that's just how I roll.

[This message edited by darklilly23 at 10:29 PM, July 7th (Sunday)]


Posts: 33 | Registered: Jun 2013
itainteasy
♀ Member
Member # 31094
Default  Posted: 7:31 AM, July 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am friends with ONE of my exes on Facebook. That's it. We never see each other, and we don't even really communicate with each other aside from a "happy birthday" on his and mine.

My fiance is ok with it---he sees the "happy birthday" and if the ex ever sends anything else, my fiance sees it immediately. (it rarely happens)

My fiance isn't friends with any of his exes, by his own choice. He said "My relationships ended with them for a reason, there's no need to be friends now". He's had a few exes send him facebook friend requests and he doesn't accept them. He says he's just not interested. He uses facebook to keep in touch with his friends. I use it to watch the drama llama with the majority of the people on mine


We have an agreement: Any friend of the opposite sex that makes either of us uncomfortable is gone. That includes facebook and in real life. In order to be my friend, you have to be his, and vice versa.

It works for us.


Posts: 3377 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: NWPA
darklilly23
♀ New Member
Member # 39457
Default  Posted: 11:37 PM, July 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you posters!
You are really giving very helpful thoughts on the matter

Posts: 33 | Registered: Jun 2013
RightTrack
♀ Member
Member # 36976
Default  Posted: 11:43 PM, July 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's ok for me, I can be trusted. He can't have any.

Posts: 621 | Registered: Sep 2012
soveryalone1
♂ Member
Member # 39807
Default  Posted: 12:48 AM, July 17th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Is it ok to have old flames and exs as
a friend? Guess it depends on how much trust is there? however I am on the other end of it right now, I am fairly sure her or him or both don't think her being friends with me is ok, or perhaps she is just showing him exactly how over me she is. when I do get involved with someone again I wouldn't stand in anyones way in fact , I would encourage whomever to keep in touch with their Ex , because I know how it is, to be the Ex.

Does that make you comfortable or uncomfortable?

I guess it might make me feel uncomfortable if I was a little unsure about the depth of their relationship? I hope whenever I am healed enough and do fall in love again that I will be completely comfortable with whomever she wanted to be friends with?

Do any of you think there is a social expectation for people to stay friends with exs?

I think being friends with an Ex sounds great in theory and is something you see in the movies , however I guess when you think about it, they are "exes" for a reason, heh So is there a social expectation , based on how often you see it played out in the movies and with "famous" people , I suppose there I somewhat an expectation, unreal as it may be.

Do you think that things were the same way with our parents generation?

I think for my parents generation , once a relationship was over , that was that, unless kids were involved people went their separate ways.

Do you think it has anything to do with divorce rates being higher? blended family's etc?

I guess having "friends" old flames and the such , surely must effect the divorce rate, I guess when you really love someone , you never stop, 1 year from now, 5 years from now, 10 years from now so down the road if someone is married with 20 kids and they run into an Ex, chances are , if there are some unresolved feelings there , who knows what might happen ?

Yep, now that I am about to have my very own, first ever Ex! I can't ever see how it would not be weird, esp if I was in a relationship, I would think I would feel very protective of my new love, but then again that's just how I roll.

heh I dunno , I guess I am just in the WTF is going stage of things because honestly , whenever I do get involved again , I really really wont care one bit who they talk to, honestly lol I am so broken in a billion pieces , I wont ever feel pain ever again so , I am not afraid of anything :)


jao

Posts: 75 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Vermont USA
Topic Posts: 29
Pages: 1 · 2

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