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Newest Member: JRconfused (45363)

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User Topic: I honestly just don't know what to do....This is killing me.
overcoming2003
♀ Member
Member # 30862
Default  Posted: 11:13 PM, July 5th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have decided to separate from H as of the beginning of next month. He has had notice for a while now. HE says that he will likely live out of his car until he can do better. This makes me feel so guilty.

WHY DOES IT HURT SO BAD? I have come to this conclusion a while ago (to end my M). It still isn't easy.

He is trying to work on me and it is weighing on me. He sent me the following text yesterday. I didn't know what to do, so I just didn't respond. I am currently out of town for work.

Text: My family means the world to me. I have made a lot of steps to change. I am a totally different person. I need you to give me one chance to prove it. I will never ever take you for granted. I will always love and support you. I will protect my family with my life. I am more focused and driven. I won't let you down. Just pray and think about it.

My heart says no. I have had enough! But I am truly, really afraid and full of doubt. Again, I have not responded to him.


Posts: 314 | Registered: Jan 2011
stillhere09
♀ Member
Member # 24924
Default  Posted: 11:31 PM, July 5th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


I don't know your story or history, so it's difficult to respond, but offhand, I'd say that it's best not to respond until you have your head clear as to your doubts. Once you have been in NC with him for a while, you will know more what you want to do with all of this. Don't let him rush you.

Does he need you financially? If so, this is a big red flag.

If he has had more than one affair, my advice is to keep right on with what you're doing, and don't respond to him at all. He's just trying to play you.

At any rate, I would say that his words are fine, but so far they are only words, and actions speak louder than words. Even in a situation where a couple does get back together, the best way to do that is to go for 6 months with him out of the house, dating you, and taking every advantage to put action to his words. Only then will you know how sincere he is, and whether or not his actions for a serious R will last.

But like I said, if he's been given more than one chance already, I would go NC with him for good.


Me-50 BW
Him-55,STBXWH

Walk a Mile In My Shoes
Married 14 yrs. Now Separated & in NC
2 grown DD's - his from previous M
4 grown kids (2DS, 2DD) mine from previous M


Posts: 3020 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Ohio
overcoming2003
♀ Member
Member # 30862
Default  Posted: 11:44 PM, July 5th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He has been given many chances. He said he only cheated once, but definitely still talk to other women...even now, I believe.

He is very dependent upon me finanacially right now, but it hasn't always been that way. Only for the past few years.

My heart completely says no. I am not confused about what my heart says. I just don't know if it is right.


Posts: 314 | Registered: Jan 2011
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 1:06 AM, July 6th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Text: My family means the world to me. I have made a lot of steps to change. I am a totally different person. I need you to give me one chance to prove it. I will never ever take you for granted. I will always love and support you. I will protect my family with my life. I am more focused and driven. I won't let you down. Just pray and think about it.

That's all about him. Who cares if he has to sleep in his car? F-him. He earned it.

This is what something genuine that might make you reconsider would sound like (because it would not be delivered by lazy conflict-avoiding texting...)

"What can I do to make this separation easier on you?"

That's about you.

I think your heart is perfectly right. Which sucks.


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
overcoming2003
♀ Member
Member # 30862
Default  Posted: 5:59 AM, July 6th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you.

Posts: 314 | Registered: Jan 2011
stillhere09
♀ Member
Member # 24924
Default  Posted: 6:47 AM, July 6th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


If you have no children, I advise you to go NC with him at all for 6 months. If you have kids, go NC with him except for what is absolutely necessary for the kids, and then only by text or email.

Don't worry about him living in his car. Chances are he can easily stay with a friend here and a friend there for a few nights, anyway, male and female, and if he can't, it won't hurt him. Perhaps it's what he needs. Don't let him in even to shower. He did this to himself.

In those 6 months of NC with him, look only forward to a life without him in it. Put into your life things you would like; pursue your hobbies, interests, etc. Enjoy the peace that comes without the headaches of a troubled relationship. Watch what YOU want on TV, cook what YOU like for dinner, etc. After 6 months of NC with him, ask yourself if you want to go back to your old life. My guess is that you won't be confused at all then. You'll be all done being used.

Hugs to you.


Me-50 BW
Him-55,STBXWH

Walk a Mile In My Shoes
Married 14 yrs. Now Separated & in NC
2 grown DD's - his from previous M
4 grown kids (2DS, 2DD) mine from previous M


Posts: 3020 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Ohio
selkiescot
♀ Member
Member # 23777
Default  Posted: 10:26 AM, July 6th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Looking at his text I see to many I's and not enough You's. he is trying to manipulate you.


The truth shall set you free or reveal the name of the OW!
ME 57
WH 64
DDAYs TOO MANY
daughter 27
You give me gifts! I don't want your gifts I want the truth. That's the greatest gift.

Posts: 1402 | Registered: Apr 2009 | From: CT
Topic Posts: 7

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