I know what you are talking about. On Dday, my WH tried to shift blame on to me saying he started his affairs because he thought I was unfaithful to him while I was on deployment in 2002. What a crock of shit!!! So you started screwing around because you "thought" I was sleeping around!?! Why didn't you ask me!?! I would have told you the truth, which was "Hell No!" I was too busy and way to proud of my my military career to risk it all for sex with a colleague! Not too mention the most important part: I loved my H to death and being a product if divorce as a child, i take my vows very seriously, I would never do that and even now, knowing how many times WH has betrayed me, I still have no interest what so ever in a RA!!!! Why would I? That is not who I am. So for these WSs to try and push us faithful Ss into an affair or a situation that makes us seem like we are unfaithful to make themselves feel better is so stupid. Blame shifting just plain pisses me off to the point that I just want to hit WH in the head to knock some freaking sense in to him.
I told him straight out: if you had/have doubts about me, open your mouth and say something. I did when I started suspecting you! You lied to me, of course, until I presented you with proof. He said: well I didn't have any proof that you were except that that a few guys we knew together in the military said that they thought you were screwing around!
I said: Are you kidding me!?! You took the word of idiots that have nothing better to do then spread rumors, then to ask your own wife? And you couldn't find proof of me having an A because I wasn't having an A!!! Damn! Get a grip on reality already! But then again, he could have just been saying that shit just to take the heat off of himself.
The whole thing just makes me sick even to this day, and it's been almost two years since DDay. Smh.
The fact that I handled this all "better" than he would have is kind of a sore spot. Does he not care enough about me and our family to do the same kind of work I am doing, if the roles were reversed?
But I just remind myself that, as awful as being a BS is, holy shit, being a WS (who is remorseful and working on him/herself) is no piece of cake. I would argue it is worse, at least for me and my personality. I can't imagine living with myself after an A, the self-loathing, the potential loss of family, the humiliation. And that I had caused all of that, not just been on the receiving end.
So, the hypocrisy sucks, but I'm soothed that the roles aren't reversed because I wasn't so low as to do this in the first place.
I do know I have a fear of abandonment and that is part of why I reacted the way I did initially...not kicking my wife out.
Since then I have recognized this issue within me and am dealing with it.
I also have a strong sense of loyalty.
I spend most of my time in the General forum now....R just doesn't feel as comfortable as it once did.
My wife has said multiple times....how are you doing what you are doing..how can you continue to love me? To handle what you are handling and still be a part of this?
God be with us all.
[This message edited by blakesteele at 8:14 AM, July 7th (Sunday)]
I was not cheating.
It was just a *thought* he had..he admits he did NO investigating into this *thought*...admits he had no evidence..just a *thought*..so he gave himself permission to cheat on me.
He didn't even ASK me if I was being unfaithful. He just jumped feet first into that garbage pit.
So..I know what WH would do if the roles were reversed..he'd fuck anything with legs.
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
I'd actually respect them more if they just owned up, answered honestly and tried to make it right. SMH.