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User Topic: The Hypocrite
♀ Member
Member # 39734
Default  Posted: 10:06 PM, July 6th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When I asked my H this, his response was.. since I thought you were, I would have been correct. Yeah, his AP (mutual "friend") told him I was having an A. That and telling him she swallowed was how she got his pants down and took it from an EA to a PA.

Married 8yrs
Together 11 1/2
Me~ 3 kids, 21,17,14
Him~no kids
A with a mutual "friend" for 2+yrs
He confessed 9/9/12
A was over 2/12
7/13~ Happier than we have been in yrs!

Posts: 240 | Registered: Jul 2013
♀ Member
Member # 39626
Default  Posted: 8:00 AM, July 7th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Some of the actions of all these WSs just drive me nuts. Why would you put your unknowing S on dating sites/porn sites, etc.? That type of rational thinking is so beyond normal to me.


I know what you are talking about. On Dday, my WH tried to shift blame on to me saying he started his affairs because he thought I was unfaithful to him while I was on deployment in 2002. What a crock of shit!!! So you started screwing around because you "thought" I was sleeping around!?! Why didn't you ask me!?! I would have told you the truth, which was "Hell No!" I was too busy and way to proud of my my military career to risk it all for sex with a colleague! Not too mention the most important part: I loved my H to death and being a product if divorce as a child, i take my vows very seriously, I would never do that and even now, knowing how many times WH has betrayed me, I still have no interest what so ever in a RA!!!! Why would I? That is not who I am. So for these WSs to try and push us faithful Ss into an affair or a situation that makes us seem like we are unfaithful to make themselves feel better is so stupid. Blame shifting just plain pisses me off to the point that I just want to hit WH in the head to knock some freaking sense in to him.

I told him straight out: if you had/have doubts about me, open your mouth and say something. I did when I started suspecting you! You lied to me, of course, until I presented you with proof. He said: well I didn't have any proof that you were except that that a few guys we knew together in the military said that they thought you were screwing around!
I said: Are you kidding me!?! You took the word of idiots that have nothing better to do then spread rumors, then to ask your own wife? And you couldn't find proof of me having an A because I wasn't having an A!!! Damn! Get a grip on reality already! But then again, he could have just been saying that shit just to take the heat off of himself.

The whole thing just makes me sick even to this day, and it's been almost two years since DDay. Smh.

BW: Me 42, WH: Him 42, Married: 22 years
DD: 21, DS: 20 both in college
DDay: 22 Oct 2011
Year PAs/EAs started: 2004, possibly 2003
OW: 3 serious long-distance PA/EA's, several casual PA's, some at the same time. Classy
In R

Posts: 122 | Registered: Jun 2013
♀ Member
Member # 37043
Default  Posted: 8:09 AM, July 7th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In the mindset my WH was in before all of this, I think he would have had a revenge A. He would've gone on a bender and said, "fuck it all!" And then rugswept the hell out of it. His drinking would have gotten worse instead of him getting sober. That makes me shudder.

The fact that I handled this all "better" than he would have is kind of a sore spot. Does he not care enough about me and our family to do the same kind of work I am doing, if the roles were reversed?

But I just remind myself that, as awful as being a BS is, holy shit, being a WS (who is remorseful and working on him/herself) is no piece of cake. I would argue it is worse, at least for me and my personality. I can't imagine living with myself after an A, the self-loathing, the potential loss of family, the humiliation. And that I had caused all of that, not just been on the receiving end.

So, the hypocrisy sucks, but I'm soothed that the roles aren't reversed because I wasn't so low as to do this in the first place.

Me, BS, 30s
Him, WS, 30s, Steppenwolf
Kids: Yep
D-Day 1: September 2011, 6 week EA
D-Day 2: January 2013, discovered EA was a PA; there was another PA in 2010. All TT.
Goal = serenity.

Posts: 667 | Registered: Oct 2012
♂ Member
Member # 38044
Default  Posted: 8:13 AM, July 7th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Having seen myself react differently then I thought I would have I think it is impossible to say how our WS would react if the roles were reversed.

I do know I have a fear of abandonment and that is part of why I reacted the way I did initially...not kicking my wife out.

Since then I have recognized this issue within me and am dealing with it.

I also have a strong sense of loyalty.

I spend most of my time in the General forum now....R just doesn't feel as comfortable as it once did.

My wife has said multiple are you doing what you are can you continue to love me? To handle what you are handling and still be a part of this?

God be with us all.

[This message edited by blakesteele at 8:14 AM, July 7th (Sunday)]

ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not

Posts: 3953 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Central Missouri
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 8:25 AM, July 7th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WH has said he thought I was cheating..and that is why he went trolling on craigslist and cheated on me.

I was not cheating.

It was just a *thought* he had..he admits he did NO investigating into this *thought*...admits he had no evidence..just a *thought* he gave himself permission to cheat on me.

He didn't even ASK me if I was being unfaithful. He just jumped feet first into that garbage pit.

So..I know what WH would do if the roles were reversed..he'd fuck anything with legs.

FWH 45
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciling?

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.

Posts: 7671 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
♀ New Member
Member # 39602
Default  Posted: 8:51 AM, July 7th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think that when people are faced with a true picture of what sh*tty people they are they tend to scramble for any excuse, no matter how idiotic-sounding, to make themselves feel like they aren't actually the lowlives they are.

I'd actually respect them more if they just owned up, answered honestly and tried to make it right. SMH.

Posts: 38 | Registered: Jun 2013
♀ Member
Member # 39626
Default  Posted: 11:29 AM, July 7th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know my fWH would have told me to leave. Then he would have been "free" to act out on his As without any remorse. It makes me so sad to think about how little he cared about me during those 7 years, the horrible lies he told about me to his Flings. It just crushes me, even now.

BW: Me 42, WH: Him 42, Married: 22 years
DD: 21, DS: 20 both in college
DDay: 22 Oct 2011
Year PAs/EAs started: 2004, possibly 2003
OW: 3 serious long-distance PA/EA's, several casual PA's, some at the same time. Classy
In R

Posts: 122 | Registered: Jun 2013
Topic Posts: 27
Pages: 1 · 2

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