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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Middle of the night sitting here sobbing
PrincessPeach06
♀ Member
Member # 39588
Default  Posted: 11:24 PM, July 6th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WS and I were talking tonight and he said in nearly 16 years of marriage I am the only person he trusts and its only been since the A that he had realized this.

I was quiet and when we got into bed he said he knew something was bothering me and I finally said " you are the first person in my life I cant trust". He rolled over and said that hurt and refused to talk.

I refuse to let him see me cry and am PISSED so I'm sitting in the hallway as my oldest son is downstairs. Screw this, it's his own fault!!!!!! Ugh!!!! I hope he sleeps like a baby - not!


Me (BS): 35
Him (fWS): 36
Married 16 years 6 kids ages 15-6
DDay #1 (EA) July '08
DDay #2 (EA/ONS- different OW) May 15, 2013

Finally this is R 8/14/13

"Forgiving is a journey; the deeper the wound, the longer the journey".


Posts: 299 | Registered: Jun 2013
Lyonesse
♀ Member
Member # 32943
Default  Posted: 11:46 PM, July 6th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((PrincessP)))


Me: BS, 40's.

Posts: 1797 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: West Coast
shiloe
♀ Member
Member # 1224
Default  Posted: 12:10 AM, July 7th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He rolled over and said that hurt and refused to talk.

I am sorry. So that hurt him hugh??!

It was alright for him to hurt you though??, what he did goes way beyond hurt. It's funny how they forget that. He should have apologized to you instead of saying that you hurt him.

He just does not get it.
He has proved himself a liar and a cheat, of course you can't trust him. Once again, its "blame-shift" time. I am sorry you are going through this.

He needs to own what he did, and step up to giving you what you need to heal.


But remember, good love is hard to find . . -Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
BS - 54
Cheater -54
Married 26 yrs
DD - 21 DD -19 DS-17
A#1 2000 with married ho-worker/neighbor ow#1
A#2 2007-? OW#2 LTA with yet another married ho-worker. Kicked h

Posts: 608 | Registered: Mar 2003
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 6:13 AM, July 7th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The fact that you can't trust him is based on HIS actions..I see you have had TWO ddays..he didn't learn anything the first time,and he subjected you to another dday..and it sounds like he hasn't learned anything from this last time either.

It hurts *him* that you can't trust him??

Im betting it hurts YOU a whole helluva lot more.


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciling?

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7668 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
jjsr
♀ Member
Member # 34353
Default  Posted: 1:00 PM, July 7th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes he hurt you, that's true but if you really want to R, you will have to learn not to beat him over the head with it all the time. Much harder to do then say, believe me. I am almost two yrs out and I still open my mouth. I am learning not to beat him up but I am not perfect


Me: BS
Him: WS
Married since 1985
Parents to 2 adult sons and 3 of the cutest cats you have ever seen
D-day 8/6/11 Truth about ONS and 9/21/11 Truth about EA
Trying to reconcile

Posts: 1647 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: midwest now.
PrincessPeach06
♀ Member
Member # 39588
Default  Posted: 1:40 PM, July 7th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Things were better today. He woke me up asking me to go for a walk and apologized and said he was upset and crying and needed time. He said he knew it but to hear me say it is what was hard.

I put all my anger and sadness into my journal instead of bringing it all on him but when something is eating at me he doesn't rest until he knows what it is. :/


Me (BS): 35
Him (fWS): 36
Married 16 years 6 kids ages 15-6
DDay #1 (EA) July '08
DDay #2 (EA/ONS- different OW) May 15, 2013

Finally this is R 8/14/13

"Forgiving is a journey; the deeper the wound, the longer the journey".


Posts: 299 | Registered: Jun 2013
hopefullromantic
♀ Member
Member # 16652
Default  Posted: 2:03 PM, July 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes he hurt you, that's true but if you really want to R, you will have to learn not to beat him over the head with it all the time

Yes, you are right, jjsr, but Princess is still very early in R and her emotions are still very raw. Her H, and yours need to learn to take it like a man (at least for a while) if they want to R.


It's not really a fairy tale 'till the witch is deposed and a few dragons are slain

Posts: 1787 | Registered: Oct 2007
naivegirl
♀ Member
Member # 14234
Default  Posted: 2:15 PM, July 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Agree with last poster. It is normal for you to feel and say these things at this stage. He needs to do a better job of helping you to work through those feelings.


Me BS 39
Him WH 38

D-day #1 Jan 31 2007
D-Day #2 March 25 2007
Roll on Roll on Roller Coaster
We're one day older and one step closer
Roll on there's mountains to climb
Roll on we're on borrowed time
-Kid Rock

Working on Re


Posts: 1743 | Registered: Apr 2007
sri624
♀ Member
Member # 33956
Default  Posted: 2:48 PM, July 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

i am sorry that you are hurting. but you know what? you have every right to be completely devastated by what he has done. and if that means that you need to talk to him every single time you are hurting, the SO BE IT. yes, he does need to take it like a man...and take responsibility for all the damage and hurt that his selfish actions has caused you. there are no shortcuts, no easy fixes to r...it sucks, and it is hard...but i will tell you this....NOT talking to him about how you feel will only make things worse in the long run. it is called rugsweeping when we do this...and that is a fact.

when you dont talk about it, or only journal it, or only talk to you ic about it, or try not to rock the boat, upset him, or think that talking about it will put the r at risk...is all bad news. each one of the "talks" you have can be gut wrenching..but that only brings the 2 of you closer to healing. yes, he is uncomfortable, ashamed, and embarrassed...and he may even be crying too...but he should be, you know? you feel all the same things he feels magnified by 100. and that is the truth.

personally, i feel that it is about the cheater manning up...and taking it. because in the end, this is about him doing everything he can to help you heal right now.

you are a few months out from him cheating on you again....there is no way in the world you are not going want to bring this up all the time....no way.

if you want to go there...go there...and dont be afraid of him leaving you. you are not putting your r at risk. if he bails, or doesnt want to talk about it because it makes HIM upset...then you never were in r in the first place.

hugs to you...and be strong...


BS (41):(Former Doormat)
WS (39):(Busted Cheater)
Married: 10 years, 3 kids under 5
DD1: 10/11 PA/EA with pilates instructor/former stripper.
DD2: 10/12 False r, cheating with other women, online dating,Substance abuse issues.
R:Last chance

Posts: 973 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: Alabama
crazyblindsided
♀ Member
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 5:54 PM, July 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

he knew something was bothering me and I finally said " you are the first person in my life I cant trust".

Yeah they don't get this part until later, when they don't have it anymore

When my WH asks why I need the GPS on his iphone I tell him it is because I cannot trust him at all at the moment. He knows why.


BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended

Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
RidingHealingRd
♀ Member
Member # 33867
Default  Posted: 6:24 PM, July 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I put all my anger and sadness into my journal instead of bringing it all on him

You should direct the anger where it belongs, at your WH. Are you truly able to release and move past the anger that you have for your WH by keeping it from him and journaling about it?

For me I needed to blast my WH for what he did. There was never any brain to mouth editing for me. If I felt it I said it. I never once cared about how it made my WH feel....It was NOT about him. I was true to myself.

I firmly believe that this enabled me to process the hurt and move forward. I pretty much said and did whatever my heart/mind felt at the time...suppress nothing.

Today, 2.5+yr we are in a much better place. The bad days are far and few between and I feel *normal* again.

He rolled over and said that hurt and refused to talk.

What's wrong with him? This is your 2nd dday ((Princess)) ~ Seriously, why should you trust him? He is delusional if he can't/won't grasp that truth.

He needs to put HIS feelings aside and make YOU his #1 priority. Always.

[This message edited by RidingHealingRd at 6:26 PM, July 8th (Monday)]


ME: 54 BS
HIM: 61 WH
Married: 28 years
D'Day: 10/29/10
in R 4 years and it's working but he is putting 200% into it (as he should) to make it right again.

The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.


Posts: 2121 | Registered: Nov 2011
Topic Posts: 11

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