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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Going on vacation alone :(
catlover50
♀ Member
Member # 37154
Default  Posted: 9:58 AM, July 7th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So, work has screwed up our vacation plans and my H won't be able to join me. He has been unable to find anyone to cover for him. I need to go because I will be meeting my brother and his family at our folk's house and I haven't seen him in years. Our daughter is already out there.

I have made this trip alone before. I am usually quite independent. This year my H was making a special effort to go. Now we are both bumming. He has been so loving, giving and supportive and he has been helping me in my healing. I'm feeling pretty vulnerable about being apart for the week.

I'm not worried about his behavior, but I am worried about triggers with him across the country, and not having him to hold me every night.

I know I need to be a big girl and I am going to try to work on mindfulness, etc but still I'm anxious.

Any tips?



Dday -9/24/2012
Reconciling

Posts: 1710 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: northeast
jo2love
♀ Moderator
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 7:36 PM, July 7th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((catlover)))

Can he fly out Friday after work (or take Friday as a personal day) so he would be there for a few days? Can he call/text with you throughout your vacation when triggers happen? Sending strength.


Posts: 33930 | Registered: Mar 2011
catlover50
♀ Member
Member # 37154
Default  Posted: 7:43 PM, July 7th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks Jo.

He tried to change his flight. The fact is he is the only surgeon on call (his other surgeon left) and has tried for weeks to get someone in to cover. No luck.

And my folks live in the country with no cell coverage! I can reach him on the landline, but I haven't told them about his A, so....

We can email. And Skype at night.

I'll have to find new reserves of strength I'm afraid!



Dday -9/24/2012
Reconciling

Posts: 1710 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: northeast
jo2love
♀ Moderator
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 7:47 PM, July 7th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You can lean on us. Post when you trigger.

Posts: 33930 | Registered: Mar 2011
catlover50
♀ Member
Member # 37154
Default  Posted: 7:49 PM, July 7th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks so much!



Dday -9/24/2012
Reconciling

Posts: 1710 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: northeast
sailorgirl
♀ Member
Member # 38162
Default  Posted: 9:28 PM, July 7th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry, catlover! It is hard to be surrounded by people who don't know, especially if your H can't be there.

I would say go easy on yourself, and since you won't be able to address triggers immediately, write them out in a journal and then put it aside until you can really talk with your H.

Maybe take some good books--page turners with no infidelity? Reading can be a good temporary escape . . .


Married 14 years, three amazing kids
H had 17 month EA/PA
D-day 1/5/13
Reconcilling

Posts: 787 | Registered: Jan 2013
catlover50
♀ Member
Member # 37154
Default  Posted: 8:27 AM, July 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks sailorgirl. I'm going to one of my favorite places and can spend lots of time outside in nature's beauty. I intend to try to build my personal strength and serenity, yes journal, etc. Work on me, in other words.



Dday -9/24/2012
Reconciling

Posts: 1710 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: northeast
Searchingforhope
♀ Member
Member # 38437
Default  Posted: 12:10 PM, July 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi catlover..

I am going through this right now..but it's the other way around...My H is in another state visiting his mother, sister and brother-in-law for 1 week. I couldn't get the time off.

We have talked often throughout the day and that keeps me feeling good.

Also, I am doing things that I like to do...I stained my bathroom cabinets, visited my mother and sister for some girl time..and made plans to have dinner with a friend. Work takes up some time too.

I would make use of the landline and talk to him as frequently as you need to.

Also, soak up as much love as you can from your family. My family, as of recent, now knows about the A...H and I went through a rough patch..(see my updated profile)...so they have been hugely loving and have given me so much strength. I'm so grateful for them.

Is there any chance that you would share what you've been through with them?

I only did because of our most recent crisis, but I feel pretty relieved now having them there whenever I need to talk etc...


Me: BW 51 (didn't have a clue)
Him: FWH 54(extremely remorseful about his stupid midlife crisis)
Married 27 yrs

PA that lasted approx. 2 weeks. OW was a younger but totally screwed up %#@%!

DDay 4-25-12
Reconciling


Posts: 141 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: California
catlover50
♀ Member
Member # 37154
Default  Posted: 1:00 PM, July 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks searching.

I did tell my folks after Dday 1 and they were disappointmed that I reconciled. If they knew the full extent I don't think they would support me and would likely never forgive my H.

Of course I have seen things in their M that makes me feel that they should not cast stones, but...whatever!

It sounds like you are doing great--good for you!



Dday -9/24/2012
Reconciling

Posts: 1710 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: northeast
Topic Posts: 9

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