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Newest Member: donna3 (44976)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: WH wants a seperation. Please Respond Soon
hurtbs
♀ Member
Member # 10866
Default  Posted: 5:47 PM, July 17th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Big hugs

((broken))

My ex cheated on me just after our second anniversary. I fought to stay married. He did the whole "we've gone too far" and "wait a little longer" dance - he was continuing his affair. It was horrible.

As you can see, we got divorced about five years later. His cheating was just the beginning of what I discovered.

Only you know your husband and your marriage. All I can tell you is to take care of yourself. Be kind to you. Start going NC.


Me BW Him XSAWH
DDays 2006, and then numerous more
Divorced 2012

"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Asimov
"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid


Posts: 15325 | Registered: Jun 2006
BrokenNPieces
♀ New Member
Member # 39052
Default  Posted: 10:16 PM, July 17th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am still living in the same house with him but dont know how to go no contact with him. Im trying to occupy myself with different projects and consume myself with things for myself but I still have to s look at him. Im looking for a 3 month lease until I can decide what to do if I have to I will get a hotel for a month and then go from there. What do you guys think? What are my options? What did you do?


DD 1/18/2013
Still meeting last DD 4/27/2013
R

Posts: 7 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: '
Blackhair
♀ Member
Member # 39451
Default  Posted: 11:58 PM, July 17th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with all the great advice other folks have given you.

It is time to think about yourself, yourself! Time to move forward and plan a life without him, even he comes back....

I had a very similar situation WH wants a divorce after chatting online with a Philippine girl, leaving our 10 yrs marriage, 3 children, twin boys are only 9 months old, I have so many reason to stay but I till filed divorce, nothing we can do but move forward, be strong, life is too short to waste on an Assxxxx! Sorry :-(


M: 10 years
DD:5 DS Twin: 2 yrs old
DDay: Earlier 2013, WS flew/met many times with a Philippine girl found online (20 yrs younger)
SA finalized 6 months after DD. divorcing...
I am determined to fly even with broken wings and a broken heart!

Posts: 177 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Canada
sri624
♀ Member
Member # 33956
Default  Posted: 1:13 AM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

whatever you do...dont beg him. dont. i have been where you are....that fear when they say they want to leave. omg..it is so scary. i made a mistake though...i was the one trying to get him not to leave...and get his own apartment. and he did anyway...and then i made all these pathetic attempts to get him to come home. and he did....he only had to ask me once and do no work. he even told me that i couldnt have access to his phone...and i went along with it. i was so scared to lose him. fast forward 9 months later, and i learn i am in false r with yet another woman. at that point....i had grown...i had been in ic the whole time...and finally realized my value and my worth. and i kicked him to the curb after he would not meet my requirements to r. yes...even after dday2 and the discovery of false r...i still wanted to r. but it was different. i was willing to let him go. and i did. i put him out...i packed up all his things and put them outside. we separated for 3 months....and during that time, he saw the ow (which didnt seem so great now that he was "single")...he did all the drugs and alcohol he wanted, he partied with his friends...went to bars, and lived with his brother and his brothers girlfriend. he was mr single...and really looked like an idiot. but i went nc...and did a serious 180.

eventually, he did comply with my requirements for r...starting with going to rehab. we are now attempting a honest r. but it is different...i have my bitchboots on now...and i am not settling for any crap. no way. and he knows it too.

see...i guess what i want you to know is that you really, really must be willing to lose him....and i mean ready to see him out the door...and muster enough courage to look him in the eye and tell him fuck off. gosh...i know that is so hard. but you have it in you...he is treating you terribly...and deserves you to tell him that. i am serious.

do not pity him, make excuses for him, feel sorry for him....or accept that he needs some time and space. no way. he is your husband and there is no going back and forth. if he wants to go...let him..in fact help him pack and do not talk to him at all. and if you still want him later...let him come back to you the right way. and if he doesnt, then you didnt want him anyway...and you would be just that much further down the road in healing.

if he wants out...LET HIM GO...you by no means want to keep a bird caged.....let him free.

one last thing...if you beg him, or convince him to stay....it will only be worse...it will. he wont just magically be a great guy. you know why? because he didnt do any of the work needed to help you heal...it was all about him, on his terms. he will feel entitled...and not respect you. it is sad....but that is what happens when you beg him back or beg him to stay.

YOU are the prize....you are the gem and he should be breaking down doors to keep YOU. dont ever forget that....just remember that whenever you feel weak...


BS (41):(Former Doormat)
WS (39):(Busted Cheater)
Married: 10 years, 3 kids under 5
DD1: 10/11 PA/EA with pilates instructor/former stripper.
DD2: 10/12 False r, cheating with other women, online dating,Substance abuse issues.
R:Last chance

Posts: 942 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: Alabama
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 3:20 PM, July 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good to see you Abbondad!!
I hope your in a better place.

Hi, Kiki. Trying to give back to others...:-)

I am in a better place, thank you.

A new sort of pain--divorce process--but so much better than where I was for so long, the hell of Limbo.

Not quite sure where I will end up,, but I know where I've been--and I will never go there again.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1621 | Registered: Dec 2012
Topic Posts: 25
Pages: 1 · 2

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