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Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: I messed up
Unagie
♀ Member
Member # 37091
Default  Posted: 10:10 PM, July 7th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So I have a herniated disc and have to do physical therapy. Something has been bothering me about my physical therapy appointment and I think I messed up. Let me explain. The guy who was doing my physical therapy explained why my back was hurting so much and started teaching me exercises. As we're doing the exercises he asks what physical activities I do. I told him I dance tango which is not high impact on the level I'm at. He says he takes salsa lessons and I say I used to dance that too and asked if he learned on the one or two. Through all this I am doing the exercises and trying to ignore the pain. It felt like normal chit chat. I asked if I should take the pain meds and he asked if I've taken pain meds before. I said yes I was on vicodin when I had knee surgery but did not like taking it. He asked why and I said I was scared of getting addicted because so many told me it was highly addictive. Because of that I took maybe 3 in my whole recovery when the pain was too much to stand and my SO made me. He asked if it made me loopy and I said yes and he made a comment about my SO probably wanting me to take it so he could take advantage. That is where I feel I messed up. So far everything was general and mundane convo to pass time while he ran me through the exercises. When he said that I said no I just didn't want to take the meds and moved the convo back to my injury. I did not reprimand him for his comment and I realize that's what has been bothering me. I should have said something about it. I didn't laugh or smile I kinda felt my face get tight and plowed through to talk about my injury. I feel like I should have commented on the rudeness because is did not like what was said. So I feel like I messed up, I need to correct this.


Heartbroken madhatter trying to rebuild

No longer together

Do not let others be your reference for who you see in the mirror.

Stop allowing people to hurt you, because you don't love you enough to walk away.


Posts: 2393 | Registered: Oct 2012
Mrs Panda
♀ Member
Member # 27303
Default  Posted: 5:28 AM, July 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There are lots of inappropriate people and this guy is one of them.

Call the therapy place and tell them you want female therpists only.


Me-41 FWW Him-44BH
M 13years. Reconciled.
DDay#1 Nov 2008 (OM2)
DDay#2 Aug 2009 (Confessed to OM 2001)
"The only thing permanent is change." Dr Charles Mayo,1930

Posts: 1947 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: The SouthEast
Unagie
♀ Member
Member # 37091
Default  Posted: 5:57 AM, July 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks Mrs Panda I will do that. I told SO about it and he made no real comment. Said if I felt like it was inappropriate then that's how I felt but he could give no opinion off a paraphrased version of the convo. Then he went to sleep. We're having our issues but I meant it when I said I want him to know about my life and not hide things anymore so I told him. I'll call the place today. Thanks for listening.


Heartbroken madhatter trying to rebuild

No longer together

Do not let others be your reference for who you see in the mirror.

Stop allowing people to hurt you, because you don't love you enough to walk away.


Posts: 2393 | Registered: Oct 2012
Mrs Panda
♀ Member
Member # 27303
Default  Posted: 6:13 AM, July 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You didn't do anything wrong. I think sometimes as women we get these creepy or inappropriate comments and then feel ashamed/angry/belittled later on that we weren't quick enough to the trigger.

Sometimes I think it is worth pursuing or confronting (ie. Complain tot eh boss, address with person). But sometimes it's OK to let it drop and find alternatives.

If I hunted down every asshole who cut me off driving, I would drive myself crazy. And it isn't going to change their behavior.

I am sorry your SO was not more sympathetic, but from what you hvae posted, I am not surprised. This is why you have to become good at self-soothing. Because he's not there for you to lean on.


Me-41 FWW Him-44BH
M 13years. Reconciled.
DDay#1 Nov 2008 (OM2)
DDay#2 Aug 2009 (Confessed to OM 2001)
"The only thing permanent is change." Dr Charles Mayo,1930

Posts: 1947 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: The SouthEast
SurprisinglyOkay
♀ Member
Member # 36684
Default  Posted: 6:47 AM, July 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

^^^ What mrs panda said.

I don't think you messed up at all!

You can't control what other people say or do.

You also don't know how others are going to react to being confronted.

Sometimes people talk without thinking... you never know he could have been kicking himself all day for saying that... or not

Switch therapists.

You did good


FWS me 36 (recovering addict)
BS him 39
Together 7 years
2 children


"Your secrets keep you sick"


Posts: 1107 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: 221B
itainteasy
♀ Member
Member # 31094
Default  Posted: 8:29 AM, July 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You didn't mess up.

The therapist was out of line.

Don't go back to him.

You did the right thing by steering that convo right back to your injury and pain, and NOT by laughing or joking around about what a perv your SO is (because that's what the therapist was implying).

You did well, Unagie.

Good boundary enforcement.

I would not return to that therapist, and like Mrs Panda said I'd request appts with femle therapists.


Posts: 3100 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: NWPA
Sal1995
♂ Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 11:08 AM, July 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't see a problem at all in your behavior/reaction. Your refusal to "go there" sent the right message. I agree with the others, switch PTs.


Me-45
WW-42
DDay 2/17/13, 10 month PA/EA
Final NC late Feb. '13
M - 18 years, together 19+
4 children

Reconciled


Posts: 1035 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
Trying33
♀ Member
Member # 38815
Default  Posted: 12:19 PM, July 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think you did the right thing by staying focussed on your injury.

Sometimes I feel we become pre-occupied with reprimanding or making sure the person realises they crossed a line etc. Thing is, as long as you didn't encourage him and steered away from the topic then you sent a message and by the sounds of it he knew you will not entertain his inappropriate "joke".

Our body language and facial expressions make up the majority of our communication so you communicated to him loud and clear albeit not verbally.


Posts: 354 | Registered: Mar 2013
knightsbff
♀ Member
Member # 36853
Default  Posted: 12:30 PM, July 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with PPs. You did fine.

I hope the therapy helps.

(((Unagie)))


FWW 40's, BH (knight) 40's
D-day August 27, 2012
3 kids and a dog

Posts: 1074 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Deep South, USA
Topic Posts: 9

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