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New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: When to take down your o.l.d. account? Timing please!
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
DOH!  Posted: 8:32 AM, July 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Okay....so I've only been on one date with Triathlon dad....but I noticed last week (after our date) that he had taken down his OLD profile! I seriously doubt it was because of me....since we had only had one date...(even if it was a 3 hour long dinner! )

BUT...I feel kinda guilty for not taking my profile down. And, I'm not a serial dating type of gal....I just find it uncomfortable.

Honestly...last night I decided to hide my profile. However...I still must ask...

Is it respectable to take my profile down or premature at this point? Am I looking too much into him closing his account down or could it just be that he is too busy? I guess I don't want to look like a silly girl for following suit.... or desperate! I'm NOT...but I don't want him to think that I'm not that interested either!


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2710 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
jennie160
♀ Member
Member # 29949
Default  Posted: 9:38 AM, July 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would do which ever makes you more comfortable.

Personally, I would probably leave my account up until at least one or two more dates in.

I feel kinda guilty for not taking my profile down.

Why are you feeling guilty? Because he has already taken his down and you think he is expecting you to take yours down as well. Everyone has different dating timelines, just because he has taken his down after one date doesn't mean that you should feel you have to as well.

If he hadn't taken his down would you have kept yours up for another date or two? I wouldn't base my action (of taking my account down) on his action. Take it down when you naturally would have during the dating process.


Posts: 921 | Registered: Oct 2010
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 9:48 AM, July 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah....if he hadn't taken his down, I would have definitely kept mine up for a couple of more dates... and not because I'm not totally interested in him and wanting to see where this might lead.... but because I want to wait and see first. Like a lot of people say....1st dates are pretty common....but 2nd dates are rare! Our 2nd date was cancelled so I'm still waiting to see if it will come to pass! But...I'm hopeful.

On the other hand....I haven't been talking to anyone else online...and am not really all that interested to right now either....so I'm kinda okay with it either way...


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2710 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
UndecidedinMA
♀ Member
Member # 33732
Default  Posted: 9:52 AM, July 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Is his just hhidden too? How can you know if it's gone?


ME - BSO
Him - FWSO
OW - DBC Xwife
DDAY 09/14/11 ONS w/DBCxWOW with 4 mos EA
Solidly in R

Posts: 980 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: MA
lieshurt
♀ Member
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 9:57 AM, July 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think you are jumping the gun here. His hiding his profile may or may not have anything to do with you. It certainly doesn't indicate he wants to be exclusive. For all you know, he may have reached his limit for the maximum number of women he may date at one time which could be 2, 3, 4..... Unless you've discussed it with him and clarified why he hid it, do nothing.


I'm sorry if you don't like my Honesty, but to be fair I don't like your lies.

Sometimes it's better to push someone away...not because you stopped loving them but because you can't take the pain anymore.


Posts: 13639 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
cmego
♀ Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 9:57 AM, July 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've only taken mine down once, after the second date and I knew the 3rd was planned...and we discussed beforehand. I don't mean to sound jaded, but you have no idea why his is hidden/taken down. I take mine down when I'm tired of the attention. One time I took it down after I had agreed to one date, and he asked me why I took it down. It wasn't because of him, it was because I was tired of OLD and needed a break.

Until you have had that discussion, as long as you want your profile up, I'd leave it open.


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4003 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Virginia
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 10:05 AM, July 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hmmm...all good points. I didn't think that its obviously very possible that he's dating several women at once. (although he seems pretty busy...but its still possible!) Very true guys.... plus I don't think I will get to see him for the 2nd date now for over 2 weeks...


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2710 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
SeanFLA
♂ Member
Member # 32380
Default  Posted: 11:37 AM, July 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would tell you that you're probably naive if you think he isn't or hasn't been dating others (even at the same time). He's on OLD...so are you. And look at how many other dates you've had. In "man world" a three hour dinner is in no way conducive to suddenly taking down your profile because you want to be exclusive with someone. My guess is that he has been seeing many women at the same time. He wants a break. Maybe even hide from a few he has been out with because they keep contacting him and he just isn't interested. We all need breaks once in a while. One thing I have learned is that people aren't themselves on first or even second dates. Their representatives are there. You really don't know a lot about him...yet. If he wants to see you again he will ask. If he doesn't want to see you odds are you won't hear from him again. Men are pretty simple creatures.


BS(me) 48
WW 46
1 son 14 yrs old
Married 18 yrs, together 21 yrs

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have." ~ Bob Marley


Posts: 1456 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: Zombie Land
InnerLight
♀ Member
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 11:44 AM, July 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Premature. Don't base your actions on his actions. It's his business why he's taking down his account. You have no idea how many other accounts he has with other services or how many other women he is dating at the same time as you.
You are jumping the gun!


BS, age 53, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years and 20 together. dating again, living in the sticks with a cat. It's taking a long time to create new dreams and a new life but it is slowly coming together.

Posts: 5723 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
torn2bits
♀ Member
Member # 28376
Default  Posted: 11:59 AM, July 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just an fyi, I had previously taken down my profile because the emails and communications got to a point where I could not manage the ones I had and any new that came along.

If you take your profile down, you can still communicate with the people you had on your list, but avoid getting new contacts.

As others said, don't take your down. He's most likely multi-dating.


Me: 44/WH (SA): 49
M: 24 years 3 kids over 10 yrs old
EA/ PA Dec. 2009 -Divorce pending

Posts: 1240 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: Midwest
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
DOH!  Posted: 12:00 PM, July 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ya'll are right....that's what I kinda figured!

I have UN-hidden my account.... doesn't hurt to keep myself out there until things are more certain. There may never be a 2nd date...and there might...who knows at this point!


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2710 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
chikastuff
♀ Member
Member # 35288
Default  Posted: 1:02 PM, July 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It was up until we had a conversation about not dating other people.


Me- 32
Happily engaged and moving on

Posts: 382 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: New England
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 1:16 PM, July 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It was up until we had a conversation about not dating other people.

RIGHT! And, that's how it should be! IMO!


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2710 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
timeforchange
♀ Member
Member # 27454
Default  Posted: 1:47 PM, July 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(Eta.... Sorry for IPhone autocorrects .. I am not illiterate ... Honest :))) ).

I am not comfortable multi dating.
Heck I could not even manage multi messaging!!!!

Maybe I am old-fashioned... But I just could not multi-date.

I have been with SO since late January. I took my profile down 2 days after our first date. I had enjoyed our date.... Was intrigued by him and wanted to get to know him better. I could not entertain the thought of multi dating.

I messaged him ... Explained I was still receiving messages and was ignoring them ... But felt impolite doing so. And therefore I was going to hide my profile whilst we got to know each other. He promptly took how down the same day and we have been dating ever since.

Maybe he is not multi Dating but just does not want to be ignoring other women who at Contacting him.

There is only 1 way to know him....ask him

Have to say I don't miss those early date OLD dilemmas

Best wishes to you

[This message edited by timeforchange at 1:50 PM, July 8th (Monday)]


Me = BS aged 43
2 boys, 13 and 9
DDay 1/19/10
Confronted him 2/16/10
Finally Divorced 8/29/12

We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.


Posts: 726 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Expats in Europe
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 2:55 PM, July 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you Timeforchange....

I'm "hoping" that it is because he is just too busy and would like to see where we might go...but I'm not nave either! I definitely understand that it is very possible he might be seeing other women.... BUT...I'm trying to be optimistic either way. I know I'm a good catch..... and I know he is a good catch.... so if he likes me... he will go out with me again! If not...someone else will! Only time will tell! But, I'm definitely hoping for that raincheck!

[This message edited by She11ybeanz at 2:55 PM, July 8th (Monday)]


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2710 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
cmego
♀ Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 4:16 PM, July 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My new motto...

"If a train doesn't stop at your station, then its not your train."

(Pinterest, anyone? )

Seriously, just repeating that to myself while on OLD saves me a lot of...thinking.


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4003 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Virginia
little turtle
♀ Member
Member # 15584
Default  Posted: 5:00 PM, July 8th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I didn't take my profile down until SO asked me to be in a relationship with him. I was still chatting with other guys after the first few dates with SO. We had 3 dates, 3 days in a row (Thursday, Friday, and Saturday). I really liked SO, but I didn't want to assume he felt the same way and get burned early.


Failure is success if we learn from it.

Posts: 4131 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: michigan
Topic Posts: 17

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