In time, your need to re-read will probably die down. But I'm over a year out and I still do go back and re-read. Just because I need to remind myself that this really did happen. (((hugs)))
D-Day, June 10, 2012
Hang in there and do what you need to do to feel okay even if it is the cause of pain.
We all get it and understand.
[This message edited by 1Faith at 7:52 PM, July 8th (Monday)]
Stress. Shock. Numbness. Loss of time.
And so on go the magnitude of feelings that come to us without notice.
When time restarted after DDay, I, too, had behavior patterns like OldCow. An IC I had said it was a combination of the feelings and a sense of OCD, the repetition points to that. I've read some other scenarios of people having this reaction and like I said, I did it too, but it was constantly looking at the social networks to see how they had changed, was I still there? and so on.
FWIW, I had to make conscientious effort to stop and finally had to realize on my own, that I was causing myself more hurt with the behavior pattern.
It was not overnight and yes, I caused myself the pain that you are having happen, but that's part of why I also think of our recovery as a process.
I wish you well and hope that you will be able to overcome this "stage" soon, OldCow.
P.S. Thank you for the smile that I got from reading your screen name.
A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess
In honor of the 4th, I declared July my "independence month" from the FB obsessing. I wrote up a little declaration of independence even! It says:
"July is the month of independence. I declare my independence from facebook stalking. During the month of July, I will not look at XWH's page, or OW's page or OWD's (her daughters) page. I deserve this independence! My time is too valuable to be wasted on caring about people who do not care about me."
In order to get through this month, I've given myself silent permission to snoop all I want at midnight on Aug 1st, lol. But hopefully by that time, I won't want to anymore and will have broken this destructive habit. So far, so good!!
Maybe you could try something similar? Just an idea.
Hugs to you!!
Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life. ~ JK Rowling
Being very, very careful
D-day 14 June 2013
I'm smart, good looking and gosh darn it, people like me!
You're not a glutton for punishment. You're simply trying to understand. And because you can't take it all in at once, there's a teeny bit of magical thinking....the hope that, maybe this time, you'll see something different, something that gives you hope.
It's normal. At some point, you will know them all by heart, and stop returning to them. You will decide that they have nothing to offer you.