I have an alternate FB account. Through that I befriended xOw1's new H. The one she told me she was M when I called her just after my d-day for the A with xOw2. Why do I have him as a friend? Honestly, I like having the power of knowledge over her. There is something in her life, no matter how benign, that she doesn't know. She doesn't know I found out her M name. She doesn't know this person on her H's friend's list is her former friend, the woman she helped betray.
It also helped because in late '07, we went to a game at our old college. I saw a woman that looked suspiciously like xOw1. She suddenly threw her arms around a tall white guy (she's half Korean) and buried her face in his chest. Once I found the FB page, I realized that was him (they're big tailgaters at the college games). I'm actually thrilled. She got to see me at looking great without trying, I was at my lowest weight thanks to the ID and she has gained weight. My only regret is MrH was walking ahead, as he usually does. but I had my cute DD hanging off of me and DS nearby and they're what matter to me the most.
I also have xOw2's xBH as a friend. I do this out of guilt. I had proof they were filing for D (MD puts court records online). I hesitated telling him of the A because MrH's job was at risk, hers wasn't. I found the xBH's FB after the D was final and I realized he likely wouldn't have gone after the job. While I wouldn't mind MrH's @ss getting kicked, I didn't want the kids to suffer. Justification, I know. So I'm friends with the xBH and check in now and then, making sure they aren't deciding to date again (like some do after D). If they do, I will tell the whole truth. I ask here now and then as to whether I should tell him anyhow, but I never get many responses and usually they're split. A deep part of me feels like I could solve the mystery of the end of his M, another part of me says he's escaped from the truth and the deep deep pain, I can give him the gift of sparing him that.
I don't stalk or obsess. In fact, I nearly forgot the login info the last time. I simply rest in knowing I could upend either xOw's world by sharing the truth of their actions. Even more, knowing that even at my weakest, I made better choices than they did. Except maybe about the xBH. "Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. *CS Lewis*
❣I hope my issues don't discourage ur healing. I've buried a lot & my WH hasn't done his part in R❣