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Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: why do I keep messing things up, why do I keep lying.
JustDesserts
♂ Member
Member # 39665
Default  Posted: 11:46 AM, July 12th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When you can look in the mirror and recognize that the one person with the power to solve your problems is staring you in the face, it's a relief.

Relief...yes! And I'd add opportunity...and also responsibility.

Serenity prayer is a good one. And anyone who has a hiccup with the "God" part can, as you suggest, simply replace with a "anything but me...as I'm not god" of their choosing. All of my sobriety chips (18 and counting) have the serenity prayer on one side, and these words on the other: "To thine own self be true". Maybe that phrase is something akin to "Live an authentic life".

Mini t/j:
Wish I had figured out the parallels between the allure of secrecy, and addictive like qualities of an illicit affair and an xAP as a "drug" requiring withdrawal going in. The reality both blinded and blindsided me, and SI has been instrumental in helping me begin to understand this one complicated part of the mess I created. As one poster said to me, I have my little ball of delusional strings wound up so tight it's going to take a hell of a lot of work to unravel.
Mini t/j over.


2 year EA/PA. DDay 3/12. Broke NC 6/13 w/one stupid 5 line e-mail (which brought me to SI). Me: WH, 50. Her: BW, 49. Married 19 years. Two kids. Dog. Reconciling...together.

Posts: 403 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Suburbia, New England, USA
July73
♂ New Member
Member # 37426
Default  Posted: 11:17 AM, July 14th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes the staring in the mirror is sometimes a scary thing as well. Especially when you don't like what is staring back at you. I know I have a lot of work to do in IC. My previous IC visits, I was I guess looking for ways that I can fix the marriage rather than asking how to fix myself. The last visit I broke down in my IC's office and we instantly started working on me. I see sometimes you have to sink down to bottom before the water gets clear enough to see again. I started reading "healing from the shame that binds you" I think is the title, anyway I never had any idea the different types of shame can be so destructive. I believe I will learn much from this book.


WH Me 40
BW 38
M 16 yrs.
LTA 1.5 yrs.
D-day Sept 21,2012. Worst day of my life... can not imagine how it must have been for my loving wife. I am so sorry.

Posts: 38 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Alberta,Canada
Topic Posts: 42
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