Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
Find a Local Couselor
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: Elizablue (43208)

General Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Rant alert-marriage advice from WH
Conflicted1
♀ Member
Member # 39019
Frustrated  Posted: 12:12 AM, July 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I haven't worn my wedding set since last dday. Never discussed it just refrained. WH noticed it and finally mentioned it to me over the weekend. Not in a rude or mean way just that he noticed. I slept on it and broached subject next day to see what wearing a ring meant to him. He said he felt it was not a symbol of his commitment to me but the other way around. Considering he has a right to believe differently in the symbolism I just left the conversation at that. To be kind today I decided I would wear the rings as we were meeting some of his colleagues for a get together and it would make him happy. He did notice and said something about me cleaning it but didnt say thank you as I expected. So a little later in private in the car I held up my hand and said you're welcome. He actually got a little huffy and said he didn't get that he owed a thank you because wearing wedding rings is just something married people do. My mind screamed WTF? You really think you are in a position to tell ME how married people should act? I held my tongue and counted. Just trying to find a way to discuss it calmly without going off the deepend.

[This message edited by Conflicted1 at 12:13 AM, July 10th (Wednesday)]


Honesty is a very expensive gift. Don't expect it from cheap people.

Posts: 101 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Me=BW 45
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 12:20 AM, July 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What is he smoking?


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 elementary school-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 8778 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Kiwigirl
♀ Member
Member # 36185
Default  Posted: 12:22 AM, July 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The wedding ring is a tough one. I wear mine just so my children and other people don't wonder what is going on. Since we are in R that makes things easier for me.

But to me it is a symbol of something that doesn't exist for me anymore. The vows that were broken, the circle which was meant to be infinite.

It is funny that your H expressed it as just something married people do. That really resonated with me - in my mind it was not just something we did, it was a sign for other people to back off, this guy is taken already, it was a symbol of that commitment we made, meant to remind us too. My H never took his ring off to screw his OW. If it is not respected by the people who wear it or other people out there in the world, then it is a pretty worthless thing IMO.

Take a few deep breaths by all means, but you are entitled to let him know how that made you feel and that he is lucky to have someone considerate enough to wear the ring in front of his colleagues so things don't get awkward for him


BS - 36 (me)
WH - 34

D-Day 19 April 2012
Trying R


Posts: 118 | Registered: Jul 2012
Jrazz
♀ Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 12:28 AM, July 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

because wearing wedding rings is just something married people do.

Oh somebody SAVE me!!

There's a few other things married people do too. Maybe he should have read the WHOLE book.

(((Conflicted1)))


For last year's words belong to last year's language
And next year's words await another voice.
And to make an end is to make a beginning. - T.S. Eliot

Posts: 14698 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
Sad in AZ
♀ Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 5:18 AM, July 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Rather than have anyone comment about my not wearing my wedding ring, I replaced it with a simple band that reads 'To thine ownself be true'. I call in my unwedding ring. The X noticed it at some point and it made him sad, poor muffin.

He had actually 'lost' his ring, but I found it carelessly laid aside on an odd windowsill and stowed it away. I gave it back to him at one point and he merely put it in his dresser drawer. When I was leaving, I took it; I figured it meant nothing to him. I had intended to sell it, but my conscience got the better of me, so I took it back on one of my trips to pack up and threw it behind his dresser (I guess my conscience isn't all that strong ) I guess he'll find it one day if he every moves.

[This message edited by Sad in AZ at 5:19 AM, July 10th (Wednesday)]


I promise to surround myself with amazing souls and love them fiercely.

Posts: 19174 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
Lackingcourage
♀ New Member
Member # 39394
Default  Posted: 12:01 AM, July 11th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I still wear my wedding ring (although I have been tempted to take it off over the last few days) because we are still married , however I stopped wearing my engagement ring around the 2nd D Day (there have been so many that I can't rightly recall) because an engagement ring is a symbol of hope and promise and I have none of that anymroe. A wedding ring is a sign of commitment, and I haven't completely decided to break that commitment yet. Plus, it's really hard to get off now and is gong to require a lot of grease or something....


BW 50
WS 50
DD -- which time?
Married 23 yrs, 2 kids 19 and 22
Reconciling maybe?-- Nope, false alarm. He continued to lie, I asked him to leave. Plan on divorce.

Posts: 37 | Registered: May 2013
whatnow8
♀ Member
Member # 36576
Default  Posted: 12:12 AM, July 11th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


because wearing wedding rings is just something married people do.

Oh somebody SAVE me!!

There's a few other things married people do too. Maybe he should have read the WHOLE book.

(((Conflicted1)))

You mean skimming thru to get the jist of it and pick up a couple quick pointers doesn't work?


wtf?? How insane does your life have to get that you want to polygraph your freaking HUSBAND. ~ OldCow18

It's hard to make a decision when you're too tired to hold on and too in love to let go. ~ unknown


Posts: 175 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: midwest
Firea111
♀ New Member
Member # 39794
Angry  Posted: 10:24 AM, July 11th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OMG I stop wearing mine a few days after DDay. Glad to see other ppl did the same. H put his back on after giving me a story about why he took it off months ago. I told it meant nothing to me now except what he did. He doesn't get it.

[This message edited by Firea111 at 12:34 PM, July 19th (Friday)]


Posts: 7 | Registered: Jul 2013
fyou143
♀ Member
Member # 36618
Default  Posted: 10:31 AM, July 11th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

But to me it is a symbol of something that doesn't exist for me anymore. The vows that were broken, the circle which was meant to be infinite

This is what I believe in too and since DDay1 I stopped wearing my ring. I think he did notice but never brought it up. I know he doesn't wear his he would have it on and off and when he would take it off it was due to swollen fingers or something like that. I believe him but now I'm wondering. Either way I don't want my old rings because they don't hold that symbolism they had and don't mean nothing to me no more. If we R truthfully and with a renewed promise I told him that it would have to be with a new set of rings because the old ones didn't mean crap!


BS(me) - 26
WH - 34
DDay 6/24/12 at 2:04 p.m.
DDay 2 5/8/13-5/22/13 KIK App
2 Children ages 5 (boy) and 2 (girl)
I'm sorry is a statement I won't do it again is a promise how do i make it up to you is a responsibility

Posts: 138 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Texas
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 11:13 AM, July 11th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Uh Ya, I think I'd tell him I need a new one a big shiny new one if he wants me to wear it....

Seriously that was a douchetrolly thing to do/say.

I can say that I took my rings off the day I threw him out, and he got it. I think I put them back on the following week. When he had totally changed his entire attitude, and i knew that he really did get it, and was going to make the effort to R.

I still have my original ring, and my band that I primarily wear. He however has a new band. He had a ring when we married, and he tucked that away, and now wears a band, that shows his renewed commitment to us. I don't need a new one because I was always there, I never waivered. I didn't break our vows.

Now if he would like to get me a new honkiing diamond to go into it, well that would be ok.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 14 & 16
Married for 21 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 6601 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
sunflowergirl30
♀ Member
Member # 28979
Default  Posted: 11:16 AM, July 11th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

On d-day I took off my wedding band and threw it in the trash.

My wh had stopped wearing his a few yrs into our marriage. I took a hammer to his and to everything in my jewelry box.

He expected me to wear my ring ALWAYS and was HURT i threw it away and hurt i crushed his.

Well i was hurt that he was a lying cheating hypocritical pos.

We now have our initials tattooed on our ring fingers. Fe, ironically my first initial capitalized and his next lower case is the symbol for iron


I wanted to get something pretty on my finger just because and the tattoo artist we have gone to for almost 15 yrs mentioned Fe...funny thing is he refuses to tattoo peoples names. Especially boyfriend/girlfriend. He had no idea whats going on with wh and I. We are the cute couple who beat the odds of being high school sweethearts, teen parents and married young...ya wtfe


Together 20yrs married 17yrs
2 kids, now 18 & 15
Bw: now 37
Wh: now 36
Mow: now 49
1st D-day EA w/mow our realtor 4-?-2007, 2nd D-day PA w/ same mow 5-29-2010

Posts: 1037 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Pacific Northwest
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 11:35 AM, July 11th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

RIngs, schmings! I do respect all who feel strongly about their rings, I just don't.

Always wore mine, didn't take it off on d-day or after. FWH doesn't wear his ring, except on special occasions, because his ring would be a hazard in his job (seriously).

Rings are kind of like the renewal of vows that so many BS's (and WS's) want. Rings and vows are just words and things. What I want is action and authenticity. Don't give a darn about words and symbols.

However, yeah, your WH's take on how married people should act is very superficial. Show the symbol but don't do the actions of a faithful married person. Good advice.

I have a problem with my FWH that if I get snippy when he says something that triggers me and I react hostilely he will just shut down. I need to hold my tongue so I can discuss it calmly at a later time. Oftentimes, I find a letter works better for us. Good luck with your discussion.


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 8976 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
heartache101
♀ Member
Member # 26465
Default  Posted: 11:47 AM, July 11th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I took mine off a few years back. Wearing them made me sick.. Once that phase passed I put them back on. He was pissed..To say the least.
We are coming up on our 30th wedding anniversary and we are buying a new set of rings and we ARE renewing our vows. For me it will be a new beginning of our marriage.

Conflicted I think I would sit him down and ask him again what the rings symbolize to him? Maybe he was just a blubbering fool at the time?


There are degrees to which you let people back into your life and degrees to which you let them back into your heart-which, of course, are not the same thing

Posts: 3140 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Indiana
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 1:38 PM, July 11th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Snort. He should be happy you still even have them. I melted mine down and sold the gold after I found out he was "texting" a new "special sexy friend" while I was pregnant last year.


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 1:41 PM, July 11th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Uh Ya, I think I'd tell him I need a new one a big shiny new one if he wants me to wear it....

Oh -- and it was the bigger and better wedding ring Mach 2 that I destroyed -- since I took of the first one on Dday too. What a waste of cash.


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 1:44 PM, July 11th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He said he felt it was not a symbol of his commitment to me but the other way around.
He's wrong in so SO many ways, but just to make the point... well... pointier, most vows go something like this --

"Take this ring as a sign of MY love and fidelity yada yada yada."


You can call me NIK

There's always failure. And there's always disappointment. And there's always loss.
But the secret is learning from the loss, and realizing that none of those holes are vacuums.
- Michael J. Fox


Posts: 22649 | Registered: Aug 2011
Topic Posts: 16

Return to Forum: General Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.