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User Topic: He really has no caring bone in his body does he?
HURTAGAIN1981
♀ Member
Member # 35178
Default  Posted: 7:12 AM, July 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I went out Friday night with a friend. I was fine until I caught sight of HIM and his friend, also with them were those two whores (the ones surrounding all the weirdness with the sanitary towels back when we were together and also the ones they were out with last weekend).

Well he hadn't spotted me and I wanted to get the hell out of there. I waited until I thought he was outside, finished my drink and tried to make my escape with my friend walking behind me. Making my way out I had to walk past the bar and there he was, talking to a diff girl. Never seen her before. I didn't make eye contact, but could see that as soon as he same me he looked shocked and quickly turned away. Well I did nothing but carry on walking.

About 10 minutes later, I get a text from him saying, hey, come to the entrance. I asked him what for and he said to say hello. I told him that was a bit of a strange request considering he turned away when he saw me. Basically told him that it doesn't matter to me anymore and that it was fine and if we bump into each other again, that we should just do the same (ignore each other). He started saying he was sorry and that he thought we would argue if we spoke as he was talking to a girl, so I told him that he can talk to who he likes because we aren't together anymore. He told me that he really just wanted to see me and talk to me and that him and his friend went looking for me. I told him that if he does see me out there is no need to look for me or contact me.

The next day he sent me a text with a picture of the lighter he bought for me. Seems he did in fact order it but I don't think he ordered it when he said he had. I didn't get the text until the day after which was Sunday. Just before it came through he sent me an image of something funny on the internet. I ignored it. Then he started saying that he wants me to accept the lighter from him and that he will give it to his mate to give to me if he doesn't see me first. I told him that I didn't mean to be rude but I don't want it. He told me that he would love if I accepted it and that it would be one less thing to look at as he still has the teddy I gave back to him which he has had to hide under his bed and my dressing gown is still there (he bought me the dressing own for Christmas so I don't want that either).


He said that basically he didn't like it that I was still friends with one of his friends (tough shit) and that it will always make him feel uncomfortable.

Then the next night he started sending me cute pics and videos of baby pigs as he knows I like them. UGH!

Yesterday I found out that his Grandad had passed away as he had been ill. So I felt the need to send him a message saying I was sorry to hear it. Upon talking to his mate that night (the one he lives with) I asked if he was ok, he said that he couldn't care less about him and that he was done with him and that he had mates over and then were messing about so he couldn't feel that bad about his grandads passing. Well I don't think he cares at all! It turns out that he went to work today too. How upset he must be!

What kind of person could be like this????? UGHHHH

Hoping for the strength to move on. I will get it from somewhere!


Posts: 296 | Registered: Mar 2012
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 7:18 AM, July 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is the man who tried to rape you.

Why aren't you NC with him?

You keep telling him to stop texting you,ignore you if he sees you,etc. Yet when he texts you respond..even if it's to tell him to fuck off..you're still responding..it's still contact..it's a game for him..STOP.

I know..you said you couldn't block him on your phone..so get a new phone..if that isn't possible,do NOT respond when he texts you.


It's sad that this man died..but you did not have to text him and offer your condolences. STOP contacting him.

You tell him to stop...yet you continue to engage. WHY?

[This message edited by confused615 at 7:23 AM, July 10th (Wednesday)]


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids..21,20,11,10
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciling.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7421 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
HURTAGAIN1981
♀ Member
Member # 35178
Default  Posted: 7:32 AM, July 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks confused.

I don't know. Still having a tough time with everything. I do still care and I wanted to send a message about his grandad because I thought he would be really upset. He wasn't. I guess all this just makes it much easier to move on.


Posts: 296 | Registered: Mar 2012
sammie
♀ Member
Member # 7785
Default  Posted: 7:40 AM, July 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nope. He doesnt give a shit about anyone except himself. Any contact with him is just setting yourself up for more pain. He will use you and spit you out.

Let go or get dragged hon. It's up to you.

Hugs.


If someone loves you, it should feel like they love you.
Never give more of yourself than you are getting back.

"The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong at the broken places." ~Ernest Hemingway


Posts: 5818 | Registered: Aug 2005 | From: Australia
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 7:41 AM, July 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Why do you care? I really think you need to spend some time figuring out why you continue to care about this man who has shown very little concern for you ill mother,has cheated and lied,and he tried to rape you. He's creepy..you've admitted this. You've also agreed he is dangerous. So what is it in YOU that keeps wanting him in your life in some way?

Are you in IC?

I understand that the love just doesn't stop because they've done some shitty things to you...boy do I understand. But at some point you need to love yourself more than you love him. You need to realize you are worthy of a healthy,honest,SAFE relationship.

((((HA1981)))))


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids..21,20,11,10
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciling.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7421 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
HURTAGAIN1981
♀ Member
Member # 35178
Default  Posted: 7:46 AM, July 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I care too much I think. My friends tell me that I have too much empathy, is that even possible?

I am not in IC. I wouldn't know where to start with that. I feel I am gaining some strength and becoming better and I do have moments of peace. I know I a better off without him.

It's like an addiction and trying to break a habit. I really hope to myself that he doesn't contact me and will just leave me because I have no intentions of contacting him, aside from the message to him about his grandad, I never initiate. I just can't seem to ignore people. It makes me feel so bad to just blatantly ignore people if that makes any sense at all?


Posts: 296 | Registered: Mar 2012
Lalagirl
♀ Member
Member # 14576
Default  Posted: 7:57 AM, July 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((HA)))))

Next time he sends you a text or tries to contact you - post here...we'll talk you down.

Hugs!


Me - 49; FWH - 51
Married 30 years 9/2/13
2 grown daughters-30 & 27
5yo GS & 20 mo. GD & GB #4 due 8/15(DD30) and 2.5 yo GD(DD27). D-day #1 - 1/06; D-day #2 - 3/07
Reconciled! Construction Complete.

Posts: 5058 | Registered: May 2007
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 8:45 AM, July 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SERIOUSLY ?!?!
I am flabergasted that you are even allowing yourself to communicate with this psycho narcissistic douche.

CHANGE YOUR PHONE NUMBER. GET OFF OF FB. DON'T GO TO THE SAME PLACES YOU KNOW HE IS AT. AVOID HIM LIKE THE PLAGUE.

YOU my dear, need some serious help. Call the local battered womens shelter. Find out where there is help for you to see a counselor. Your insistance to continue to expose yourself to this guy screams of Codependency. You are going to end up dead if you continue to mess with him.
Go get yourself a book about codependency, and how to break the cycle of this.

FOR GODS SAKE DO NOT COMMUNICATE WITH HIM EVER!!!!


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8509 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
solus sto
♀ Member
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 9:30 AM, July 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is not "caring too much." It is not "too much empathy."

It's sick.

It's codependent.

Please, get in IC.

Change your phone number.

Change your email address.

NC NC NC NC NC NC NC NC

You cannot begin any sort of meaningful healing process while in contact with this foul, manipulative rapist.


BS-me, 52
WH (Trac-fone), 52, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
multiple d-days
DIVORCING
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 8690 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
Dark Inertia
Member
Member # 30727
Default  Posted: 10:01 AM, July 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah, I think it has less to do with caring and empathy and more to do with co-dependence. Didn't you say e tried to rape you?


"If I listened earlier, I wouldn't be here. But that's just the trouble with me. I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it."

Posts: 1252 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: The Ohio
gonnabe2016
♀ Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 12:13 PM, July 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The guy is empty, sick, and twisted.

You really want him to *care* about you in the same way that you care about him, but it's just not gonna happen.

He is not doing these things...ordering gifts for you and sending you pictures of baby pigs.....because he truly *cares* about you and wants YOU to be happy and feel good.

He is manipulating you. He wants your attention. That's it. He doesn't care *what* you are saying....he wants to be your focus.

He is not going to stop contacting you. You need to take responsibility for yourself and stop responding. Now.

There are shitty people in the world that are twisted and go through life using the *nice* people they encounter. Your x is one of them.


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8005 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
HURTAGAIN1981
♀ Member
Member # 35178
Default  Posted: 1:04 PM, July 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you all.

I know he doesn't care. I guess I have to work on not caring too.

I will post here when he contacts me. He hasn't today. When he hasn't contacted me for a day, I feel a little better and hope that he won't and that he will leave me alone. But I get sucked back in.

I was never like this before. I don't know what the hell has happened to me.


Posts: 296 | Registered: Mar 2012
solus sto
♀ Member
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 1:29 PM, July 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((Hugs)))))


BS-me, 52
WH (Trac-fone), 52, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
multiple d-days
DIVORCING
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 8690 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
Lalagirl
♀ Member
Member # 14576
Default  Posted: 2:11 PM, July 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I will post here when he contacts me.

Good. Please do. Start a new thread so we see it, k?

He hasn't contacted you TODAY. He will try again, yes he will. We'll be here...

But I echo the suggestion of the posters who suggested IC for you. It's time to get YOU back, sweetie. You can't fix this yourself and that is OK.

Big hugs....


Me - 49; FWH - 51
Married 30 years 9/2/13
2 grown daughters-30 & 27
5yo GS & 20 mo. GD & GB #4 due 8/15(DD30) and 2.5 yo GD(DD27). D-day #1 - 1/06; D-day #2 - 3/07
Reconciled! Construction Complete.

Posts: 5058 | Registered: May 2007
HURTAGAIN1981
♀ Member
Member # 35178
Default  Posted: 2:21 PM, July 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks all.

I am determined to ignore anymore contact with him. I have to for my own sake and sanity. This has been dragging on for months now and it's making me pretty ill. I need him out of my life. It shouldn't be so hard, I don't even see him really. Only have 3 times recently in the past month or two due to my own stupidity. It's the contact that seems the hardest to get rid of. It's like I'm addicted to it.

[This message edited by HURTAGAIN1981 at 2:21 PM, July 10th (Wednesday)]


Posts: 296 | Registered: Mar 2012
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 4:36 PM, July 10th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((HUGS))))

Oh Hon, please take care of just yourself. Just you. I know it's hard to accept that you're not who you once were. I know it's hard to get past that realization that you're weak, not strong. I have traveled that same path just these past two years. It's so hard to accept that you've betrayed yourself.

Be gentle with yourself. Give yourself the gift of time to come to terms with what's happened. Give yourself time to understand where you are. I urge you to find a counselor who has experience with abuse survivors. You don't need to know where to begin, that's your counselor's job to figure out.

I really don't think I would be this far into my healing journey if I hadn't found a wonderful counselor. Please find someone to help you.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9673 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Topic Posts: 16

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